If you could give one piece of advice to.....

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a parent who's child is on the spectrum or a teacher who has a student with autism or asperger's, what would that advice be?
Thanks in advance for responding!

LISTEN, and for Christ sakes, don't ask them to 'look me in the eye!'.

^
lol so true

uhm...if your the mother then i would suggest trusting your kid and dont tell hem that he causes nothing then trouble or stuff like that

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!

It takes some patience and an open mind is a prerequisite, but I think it's incredibly important. Besides being someone dx'd with Asperger's, I'm also a social worker who works with people with disabilities. From what I've seen, the families with the best dynamics are ones where people try to listen to each other respectfully.

I mean this about everyone on the spectrum, too. We ALL communicate, including nonverbal folks who may not do it in a 'mainstream' way. (For example, stimming isn't just a weird mannerism--it's a self-soothing behavior that can often mean a person is experiencing anxiety or overstimulation). Rarely is a behavior just a random thing. It's often symbolic communication. Sometimes you have to look for patterns in people's behavior and piece it together.

There are great autobiographies written by people on the spectrum that provide good background information to help you listen with a skilled ear. I think it's absolutely necessary to be able to take the abstract, clinical understanding of autism that teachers or therapists may learn in college or elsewhere and pair that with the first-hand experiences of someone actually living with an ASD.

This takes a frightening, mysterious 'disease' and makes it seem more human and easy to relate to. There are too many people, professionals and family members included, who do not see humans with autism in human terms! Hence the cute little alien motif on this website, I guess.

Thanks for making an effort to listen to us here! I wish more people would.

read about it, educate yourself, get to know about it as much as you can to understand the kid...

Don't raise them in the "If you tried harder" guilt and shame.

As others have said, listening is very important. So many people here, myself included, have been scolded or ridiculed for sensory and social problems that aren't our fault.

read and listen!! Can't stress that enough

maybe give your kid martial arts lessons seems to make people happy'er

I agree, listening is really important and respect.

Martial arts are good for confidence too (I agree), though one that focuses on the mental as well as the physical (I found to be good from my personal experience).

Listening, respect and making sure they know that they are loved is most important for a parent of a spectrum child.

For a teacher; listening and respect and keeping a eye out for possible bulling.

Also, the child may not communicate the same way as an NT but this will not stop them from having a good life. I have met people with spouses and kids (on specrum and with partners), I myself have a boyfriend.

Remember that even though aspies don't always understand other people's feelings doesn't mean we don't have feelings towards others!

some parents or teachers dont notice aspergas untill they are diognosed. but ill give a list of things to look for.

1 Might have trouble with maths because sometimes its hard to imagine and work things out. Have patience and work with that person.

2 can develop obbsetions this is the key thing to look for they might talk about someting all the time. Sometimes a obbsetion can be quite bad est.horror,anime. But if its like this give them time out in a spare room to bond with the intrest because that part can be really serious espitually in school.

3 Really sensitive to really loud noisy places. Some times in school they dont like the cafeteria because to many people and its really loud. But if this is the case ask that person do they want to eat somewhere quiet. Its really nice for that person and the teacher.

4 Routine this is really big for someone with aspergas. If they have had time off school or any big arrangements beeing made. Then its the end of the world for that person. Best thing is explain say high school tommorow prapare them. example watching tv on a sofa. They want to sit there everynight.

5 food obbsetions. Now its really hard for some parents they worry if a child is eating the same thing chips for lunch and supper. Aspergas kids love the same foods and this is alright aslong as they try other things. but dont stress that person because chaos could happen.

6 some kids with aspergas are sensitive to surtain objects not to sure but if they scream they dont like touching something well its part of there condition. it might sound stupid to a teacher that that child is having a tantrume well dont understand that person.

well that is mostly everything to now on aspergas all this is hard to understand but try all these will happen so be aware. Teachers advice if you are a teacher be aware of these things if we all do these thigs the child will be carm and the parent hope this is helpful cause it helped me.

-treat them as they are,and not what want them to be-dont over or under expect of them.

-dont let them know if are comparing them to own non autistic children if have any,dont treat them any lesser or better than the other children,and not tell them why cant they be like the other child or that they are a burden.

-if the child is severely affected and are struggling to care for them,dont take it out on them,and if this becomes an need,dont talk about childrens home placement around them,it can cause 'regression',never assume child doesn't understand language just because they're non verbal/speech impaired,as language impairment is a different problem to speech impairment.

-give them as much chance to communicate as possible,whether it's through voice,if able-or teach them through other means-text to speech programs,makaton,BSL/ASL,PECS etc. and watch their behavior as they will be using it to communicate,what may think is ignoring,violence,attention seeking etc may be them communicating.

-make sure they know they have a stable home and family and even if it isnt,try not to let it show around them.

-if they're very young,get a pet such as a cat or dog-autists are well known for connecting to animals even if are completely disconnected to humans, if are unable to have a pet-try a organisation like PAT [pets as therapy] instead.

Ask questions in the true/ false or yes/ no format. These are a lot easier to answer than the vague "essay" questions.
Ask me right out, I can answer. Ask me to just tell you in general, it's a lot hader.
(I'm not talking about schoolwork, just conversation, when you need to know something or are wondering about something.)

Give the child a keyboard of some sort, if you can afford it, either musical or attached to a computer, because I, personally, find I can express myself a lot more
naturally through writing than speech, and it helps get around the atrocious handwriting that tends to come with AS. Also, in terms of a musical keyboard,
perhaps the child has an innate gift for music, so the parent could be raising the new Mozart!

Also, please give the child a chance to achieve his or her own unique potential, because we Aspies are not inferior to 'average' people, just different, and we all
have our own strengths and weaknesses. Let the child figure out who he or she is, as opposed to forcing them into some mold of 'normalcy'. Maybe little Kimmie
or Jimmy isn't good at making friends, but perhaps she or he can always remember where Mom or Dad parked the car in a full parking lot.

And last but not least, please tell the child to be proud of what he or she is good at, as opposed to berating them over what they cannot do. Maybe she's no good
at math, but she's an impeccable speller (like me).