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Did you get bullied ?
yes 84%  84%  [ 93 ]
yes and i bullied others 12%  12%  [ 13 ]
No 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
No and i bullied others 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 111

ablomov
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06 Sep 2008, 2:48 am

Arbie - your comments resonate here. I still have great anger forty years later to the village hicks that thought they could judge me. I've never wanted kids tho married thirty years. I would not want them to have to endure what i did. My solution then and now is to get involved with what interests me, read, study, create MY world. To the extent that theirs doesn't exist. Luckily I have some talents.

I never encounter any age group near my own, or in fact any group apart from one or two occasional kids nearby. Yet I sympathise and instantly recognise how being with my own age group (50yrs) would spook me. I actually cannot stand being among groups of people. I'm close to telling my wifes friends who never speak to me directly to f8ck off if we ever encounter agn. If she dies before me once she's underground I promise that will happen. To be cold shouldered when among a group is very hurtfull, we go back thirty years.

I wonder how much of my social difficulties emenate from my Dad. He was socially not very able at all, not too familiar with soap water or the bath - which as you might guess hygiene wise I am the opposite. I inherit his technical abilities and have built on them, yet he was an abysmal judge of character, the worlds worst teacher and I think not really parent material. I could go on for days, when I get into that groove I rant, can make me ill. I have to drop it.

I wish I'd grown up in a city, access to facilities, then agn I would be scared stiff to enter any building. I still have that fear.

I agree with someone else here, teachers couldn't care less abt the timid quiet ones. At thirteen fourteen I was seriously depressed, couldn't connect anywhere. Dumb parents. I have one remaining auntie at ninety, I couldn't care less abt her, yet once or twice she has mentioned my school days and its an emotive subject. She hasn't a bloody clue how I suffered or the difficulties I had. She still lives in the village I lived seven to seventeen and its a very difficult for me to visit every three months. I hope I never think abt this agn. I would love to go back with an axe or a hammer. Perhaps all this is an indication of the helplessness and lack of influence I felt. Its coupled with being movedaround too much as my Dad renovated houses. Yet silly buerk after he died thirty years ago my shitty other parent blew the lot - the value of two good houses.



peterd
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06 Sep 2008, 2:53 am

No teacher ever asked me if I punched Freddie. I remember them beating me, but not asking me questions...



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06 Sep 2008, 3:03 am

I remember my fellow students beating me too. Fortunately, I was through with school by the time I was sixteen. Then I went to university. Then I dropped out. Then I tried again. Then I dropped out. Then I tried again. Then I dropped out. Then I tried again. Then I dropped out...

For my fiftieth birthday, I got an MBA. Earned myself an MBA? Responded to criticism from someone I cared about enough to pay attention to?

And what did it get me? An aspergers diagnosis. Gee, I'm really one of the lucky ones.



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06 Sep 2008, 7:26 am

Bullies have nothing better to do, than to pick on people who are different from themselves. They also try to find the type that they think won't do anything to get them to back off. They try to find somebody whom they think is powerless. I've refused to be powerless anymore, early last year.


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06 Sep 2008, 7:29 pm

All the time. Usualy by adults more than kids. It was so bad I didn't know when I was being picked on and when I wasn't so I would lash out if someone just looked at me wrong. If people were smart (and often they were not) they soon learned I was the wrong person to mess with. I was often the one who got punished. My mother says it's because I would lash out before the teacher could do anything and it was like I was punishing them. Why couldn't the teacher punish us both? I think I really have some form of PTSD from my time in public school. I can't even watch a televison program about schools without having flashbacks. My parents keep telling me everything that happened to me was my fault and won't let me talk about it anymore.



Last edited by PunkyKat on 06 Sep 2008, 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JohnHopkins
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06 Sep 2008, 7:30 pm

Yes. I got bullied a lot. And I realised a few years back that I actually bullied people as well. When I realised I made a concerted effort to be nice to the guy in question.



Ana54
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06 Sep 2008, 7:56 pm

I was bullied at school and didn't bully others.



nettiespaghetti
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06 Sep 2008, 8:12 pm

ghouna wrote:
Namenick wrote:
"How the hell am I attracting these people?"

*


I thought for a long time that i was meant to be bullied. I changed school (not because of that) and it started again!! even now as an adult, i can get bullied...


Story of my life! I went through all of school this way, still have problems at work, I suppose because I'm not assertive enough and I don't defend myself. I get sooo angry that eventually I will lash out verbally (not physically, I don't want to get arrested) and then people look at me like I'm the biggest b*** ever and all I can think is "you didn't see this coming?" Always the "too quiet" and "weird" one and then suddenly I get labeled the b word in addition. *sigh*


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06 Sep 2008, 9:15 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
Yes. I got bullied a lot. And I realised a few years back that I actually bullied people as well. When I realised I made a concerted effort to be nice to the guy in question.


Me too, I admit I haven't been completely innocent either.


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PunkyKat
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11 Sep 2008, 10:18 pm

At first I didn't bully others. I would stick up for myself often getting violent about it but I was not a bully. After I started to become bullied on the regular basis I started calling other kids names and just for the fun of it. I also think I would lash out at others in attempts to dominate them. If I was a dog or a wolf or someother pack animal, I would be the aplha female one. I wanted to be the aplha female. Go intoduce two dogs of the same sex together and there's bound to be a fight sooner or later until they work out who the dominat one is. That's how I was with other people.



lionesss
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11 Sep 2008, 10:25 pm

PunkyKat wrote:
At first I didn't bully others. I would stick up for myself often getting violent about it but I was not a bully. After I started to become bullied on the regular basis I started calling other kids names and just for the fun of it. I also think I would lash out at others in attempts to dominate them. If I was a dog or a wolf or someother pack animal, I would be the aplha female one. I wanted to be the aplha female. Go intoduce two dogs of the same sex together and there's bound to be a fight sooner or later until they work out who the dominat one is. That's how I was with other people.


That is what happened to me as well. I was purposely mean to some people but I did apologize later on knowing that I had no business for being mean. I guess I didn't realize back then that two wrongs don't make a right. But.. I was reacting out of anger and stress from being bullied.


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PunkyKat
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11 Sep 2008, 10:35 pm

lionesss wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
At first I didn't bully others. I would stick up for myself often getting violent about it but I was not a bully. After I started to become bullied on the regular basis I started calling other kids names and just for the fun of it. I also think I would lash out at others in attempts to dominate them. If I was a dog or a wolf or someother pack animal, I would be the aplha female one. I wanted to be the aplha female. Go intoduce two dogs of the same sex together and there's bound to be a fight sooner or later until they work out who the dominat one is. That's how I was with other people.


That is what happened to me as well. I was purposely mean to some people but I did apologize later on knowing that I had no business for being mean. I guess I didn't realize back then that two wrongs don't make a right. But.. I was reacting out of anger and stress from being bullied.


I never apologized unless a parent forced me too and that was not easy. My mother even says that if you were to take it personaly I was a very mean baby. I guess I am just no as inocent as some people.



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11 Sep 2008, 10:48 pm

yup 5th-7th grade really sucked. I have never been physically bullied though.



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11 Sep 2008, 10:49 pm

I got picked on a lot. People called me "monster," they called me "harelip," they told me to "keep my mouth shut until I got my teeth put in," they made fun of my sensory issues at every turn, and then they punished me for making a stand for myself. And the adults were too cowardly to even scratch the surface of what I had to deal with day after day, so they told me to "get over it" and "ignore it."

This all had nothing but the exact opposite effect of what they intended.

I didn't become what they wanted me to be, either in body or in mind, for acceptance. Instead, I became stubbornly, relentlessly, vehemently determined to be myself no matter how much people hated me. I fought back, verbally and occasionally physically, with a vengeance, regardless of whether it was a peer, a teacher or a school administrator who was making my life difficult. I had nothing to lose, as they all hated and maybe feared me and mistreated me as a result, so I upped the ante on both, making them afraid or frustrated enough so they wouldn't bother anymore. I got in trouble a bunch for it, but I don't regret the worst of my incidents - in fact, if I knew I'd be punished as harshly as I was for it, I would've hit harder! - the most I regret is sometimes sinking down to their same level of pettiness and stupidity in how I insulted them back. If people hadn't wanted me to get to that point, they would've stopped it before I got that far. As it happened, though, they made their own "monster," and it acted only according to how they treated it.

Perhaps the best revenge, though, is that I'm still me, unapologetically, and going to succeed as myself in a field where I'll probably get to wipe the floor with bullies of various sorts, while these pathetic souls who made my life miserable to bring themselves up are probably still squabbling for acceptance and normalcy in order to continue living even the most inconsequential sort of life. I'll rise on the things that were considered flaws by those people who hurt or refused to help me, while they will sink or at very best float and no more on those things that made them able to fit in. It's gonna be awesome.



11 Sep 2008, 11:03 pm

I also bullied other people because I thought that's what I was supposed to do, I thought other kids would like me and think I was just as good as them, I also liked to tease and be funny so of course I didn't know I was bullying. I also liked spraying other kids with a hose and doing things to them like spitting at them and I didn't know I was bullying. My mother would give me a taste of my own medicine for my actions to teach me how it feels.

When I moved to Montana, I thought other kids were picking on me so I started to shove them and hit them thinking I was defending myself. I also wanted them to be afraid of me. Of course I didn't know they were not blocking me in the halls or blocking my eye sight to tease me, they were doing it to get my attention. I was the bully and they were the innocent victims.
From the emotional trauma I had from being bullied for all those years, I thought I was the innocent victim so I thought I had to defend myself. I can remember my mother telling me "You were lucky she didn't give you a black eye" "You were very lucky he didn't hit you back." Back then I didn't understand the message. I thought my mother meant I was lucky they didn't get back at me for standing up for myself but no, she meant I was lucky they didn't fight back for self defense because I was being a bully.
Well guess what, if those kids had decided to defend themselves, I would have kept on fighting thinking even more I was being bullied and think I had to defend myself to get the bullies away from me.

Of course I apologized later on for my behavior.

Bullying can turn victims into bullies because of the trauma. They think they are being made fun of or bullied so they think they are the victims and think they have to defend themselves.