Social skills vs social lies (repeated)

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I don't think anyone here debates that NTs can socialize and to a large extent people with AS can't/don't. The real question is what is the point of socializing? It makes no logical sense to a lot of us for good reason. It has no logical sense. When you really examine it, below the surface.

Society and socializing has not made Humanity happy, in fact the opposite is true, it has made the human race depressed, materialistic and delusional. Modern 'Society' may have brought about advances in technology and made us more 'effective' (make your own mind up on what that means when you look at the state of the world) but it has not advanced the human 'spirit' (for want of a better word) ONE BIT, it has probably reversed it, turned the vast majority into drones who care little about anything other than maintaining their own self delusion - their ego. The whole social pantomime is just that, a show, that the human race has elevated to be the be all and end all.

Hola! Nobody lacks social skills. AS and NTs have differents skills. The comparison is what cause the apparent problems. You have 154 poeples saying the same thing and another ONE saying something else. It's sure that the 154 poeples will think the other one is wrong. Our problem is demographic, not neurologic! That is where the difference is between "different" and "wrong".....


Empathy..... so the reason behind thier lies is to 'not hurt other's feelings' ? Almost all i can remember of my life up to now is bullying over bullying over rudeness (yes, those hurted me!!).... They forget that rule when they're around me or what ?

the name of this web site says it all, imho. It drives me crazy too when I hear some kind of interesting proposal and I take it seriously without considering the ambivalent world that NT's live in regarding shooting up balloons, etc.

I mean, of course, after all, we take things seriously if and when it affects us and our emotions. Otherwise we tend to ignore it, self-involved as we are.

I'm just glad I'm not run out to the edge of the town and held off from the other citizens with flaming stakes or something. There's a couple of people here who would like to do that, but for the most part everyone is okay with my behavior, if they even notice or care.

So it's up to me to live and let live too, and accept that if I'm upset by someone else's social "lying" (which I don't think is such a bad way to put it) then I'm placing a little too importance on other people's treatment of me. And heck, I'm no princess, they have a right to include me in their normal NT games.

I'm not a child -- the example given regarding not emailing would be hard on a child. So do a pretend pout, and smile and get over it. She's not a b***h and keeping that label on her will only limit your chance of being part of a network.

Ann2

I never undertsood the purpose of a white lie. To me that is even more hurtful than the truth. A lot more in fact. Of course you have to have som tact and not be a ass when telling the truth.

Like if a friend makes you cookies and asks what you really think of them. Say said cookies where as hard as rock and if thrown hard enough could likely kill a small child.

I don't get A) "Oh they where just great! I ate them all up in one day."

B)"Christ they where f*****g horrible... I would not even feed them to a dog. Please never cook again."


Whatever happened to a happy medium?

C) Well... they where rather hard and I couldn't eat them."

You tell the truth without sounding like a ass. Nobody gets hurt.

I wish I understood better what was meant by the original question. It's rather vague.

As far at the "social lies" that have been discussed, one doesn't have to be NT to use one.

Yes, it often is a bunch of lies but remember it's a bunch of lies to benefit other people, to spare them some mental anguish and despair.

On that note, since my fellow Aspies might relate to this I will share it here.

I was in a local small town not too long ago, stuck there for a few hours because of a shredded tire on my car. I was in a local store that also had a tire shop so while the tire was being replaced, I had a look around the place. I like new places, places I have never been to before, exploring them, seeing what's there and deciding if it's better or worse than the places near my home. While I was busy exploring I eavedropped on a conversation some of the locals were having. One had a baby and the family with the baby was talking to another lady.

What got on my nerves was how fake the entire thing sounded, done up extra special fake-like because it was in a small town and they have stereotyped friendliness but to me it sounded sooooo insincere it really got on my nerves and I can remember cringing while listening and wondering how they can stand it. Having a conversation and talking with someone is entirely different. But this was soooo overly dramatic such feigned friendliness I wondered how they could all be completely oblivious to how it sounded and why they seem to like being talked to like that.
I don't like being talked to like that.

To me, it just sounds ostentatiously fake, like whomever is doing it is doing it just to look good in front of others, to put on a show for their own benefit and just using me as a pawn, not really caring about me, just wanting to show off to others they took the time to acknowledge my life but this is just my perspective.

Oh and another thing for everyone that believes the so-called NT is sooooo wonderful at understanding, lying, empathizing...

I want to explain here that the absolutest cruelest behaviour I have ever encountered has come from SADISTIC "NTs".

I don't like to use labels, by NT I mean non autistic people. Everyone but ASDers.

I am so SICK and tired of people acting like NTs are flawless socially that is just soooooo not true. Seriously what kind of NT Utopiate do you live in because if the NTs around you are seriously that perfect and flawless and NICE
PLEASE I BEG YOU LET ME JOIN!! !


EDIT:

Maybe it's just the use of labels that are the mistake. People on this thread assume that NTs can never be brutally honest and Aspies always are. NTs can lack empathy or just not care as easily as someone with Asperger's and YES an "NT" can be really sadistic. We are individuals, not labels.

Okay, An NT is better at empathizing with the sadistic impulses of another NT. You do make a good point, MemberSix.