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Ryn
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27 Sep 2008, 11:24 am

I was playing cards last night with some friends I've made at university. I kind of understood that I missed some social cues but I didn't realize how intense it was until we were playing last night. The signs my partner made I didn't catch, mine were too obvious, and I for the life of me could not figure out the "mental game" they were playing. After it was over, I felt so exhausted but it was only ten. Has anyone else had experiences like this where your inability to pick up social cues became very apparent, such as in this case?


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2ukenkerl
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27 Sep 2008, 11:40 am

Ryn wrote:
I was playing cards last night with some friends I've made at university. I kind of understood that I missed some social cues but I didn't realize how intense it was until we were playing last night. The signs my partner made I didn't catch, mine were too obvious, and I for the life of me could not figure out the "mental game" they were playing. After it was over, I felt so exhausted but it was only ten. Has anyone else had experiences like this where your inability to pick up social cues became very apparent, such as in this case?


WHOA, men are USUALLY more direct! That HAS gotten less likely with women because of decorum and laws, but still...

There is a commercial here where a girl says "But if he likes me, why does he try to annoy me". The father(?) uses a dinner roll(flakey outside, tender inside, and thus the COMMERCIAL). The girl says "(laugh) OH, I GET IT!". Nobody explained to ME that girls can be like that.

BTW Women are generally VERY indirect, so I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.



lelia
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27 Sep 2008, 11:55 am

Everytime I go to a meeting of some sort, such as Autism Community Services, I need my husband to explain to me afterwards what happened.
And women are extremely indirect for the most part. I think that's part of why my husband likes me so much. He doesn't need to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I meant.



donkey
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27 Sep 2008, 12:02 pm

Ryn wrote:
I was playing cards last night with some friends ....... The signs my partner made I didn't catch, mine were too obvious,



dont ever play poker.


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McCann_Can_Triple
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27 Sep 2008, 12:50 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:
Ryn wrote:
I was playing cards last night with some friends I've made at university. I kind of understood that I missed some social cues but I didn't realize how intense it was until we were playing last night. The signs my partner made I didn't catch, mine were too obvious, and I for the life of me could not figure out the "mental game" they were playing. After it was over, I felt so exhausted but it was only ten. Has anyone else had experiences like this where your inability to pick up social cues became very apparent, such as in this case?


WHOA, men are USUALLY more direct! That HAS gotten less likely with women because of decorum and laws, but still...

There is a commercial here where a girl says "But if he likes me, why does he try to annoy me". The father(?) uses a dinner roll(flakey outside, tender inside, and thus the COMMERCIAL). The girl says "(laugh) OH, I GET IT!". Nobody explained to ME that girls can be like that.

BTW Women are generally VERY indirect, so I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.


That commerical just came on strangly enough.


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Warsie
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27 Sep 2008, 3:13 pm

donkey wrote:
Ryn wrote:
I was playing cards last night with some friends ....... The signs my partner made I didn't catch, mine were too obvious,


dont ever play poker.


do it over the internet, more accurately. That or play RTS games. COMMAND AND CONQUER LAUNCH SCUD STORM!! !


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Greentea
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27 Sep 2008, 4:01 pm

I could never play poker, what with being an Aspie. Indeed, I wouldn't be able to focus on the game and their face signs at the same time; plus I wouldn't be able to be subtle enough in my facial signs. Poker would be in my list of "don't even try", together with waitressing, being a manager, being a politician, and other perfect Aspie hells.

Besides, if these friends have known each other longer than you've known them, it's even more challenging to play poker with them.


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ToughDiamond
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27 Sep 2008, 4:41 pm

I haven't tried those games that have cues. Nearest thing I remember is when I was part of a workshop on decision making with some people I spent a lot of time with. The tutor said we were all checking each other's faces out, which was good. But I don't recall noticing any particular signs in those faces.

I know I can be blind to power politics in groups, or slow to see the moves. There's probably a lot of obfuscation there of course.

I used to be a lot more blind to these things when I was younger.



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27 Sep 2008, 6:57 pm

I used to play poker (mostly Texas Hold'em) with friends. The more I played the better I got. I realized the fallowing right away, I am clueless when it comes to picking up clues and tells. I'm not a very good at lying. I don't look for clues or tels from my opoents nor do I atempt to hide my tells When I play with people I know they know that I never bluff. I only play my strong hands and fold my week ones. There is an element of luck involved but it seems to work for me.



markaudette
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27 Sep 2008, 8:27 pm

Dear God, this is terrifically embarrassing but therewas this woman I had really been attracted to for a long time. we'd been friends since high school. And I was interested in her sexually as well. After spending our whole friendship in a state of non-sexualness she appears out of the blue [wanting to have a sexual relationship I wasn't even aware of until she gave up on me and stopped talking to me.]

We spend the next several months playing what I later unraveled in my mind as being this cat-and-mouse game of "will we or won't we dork each other?" She had been coming on to me for a couple of MONTHS straight and I wasn't even aware of it.

Thinking of it always makes me feel an inch tall.



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27 Sep 2008, 8:57 pm

I can't read others tells but I've never had a problem with being obvious.
For poker I can go flat... If I can't flatten... then I get as close as possible and try a few fakes.
decide what face to show before you look at the cards.
complete junk...raise an eyebrow an indetectable amount. three aces... do the same.
play with your stims... make them independant of the cards.

If your control isn't that great... try a nude deck...lol



27 Sep 2008, 10:43 pm

I don't think I would even know I am missing on the cues. I don't even know when the cues are showing so I would not know I am missing any if they are never pointed out to me. My ex pointed a lot of them out to me I missed by him. But I was never sure if it was him that is showing different body language and no one would be able to read it or others would be able to read it but not me. It's hard to tell in a AS/AS relationship, especially if you are with someone who has a similar condition that makes it hard for them to read non verbal cues.

I have never played poker so I wouldn't know what my experience be.



But I can remember my ex. I was with him and he spent his time with me on the couch as we be watching TV or playing video games. I did not know he was wanting to make love. I would rub him and then stop but I didn't know I was sending him the wrong cue to wanting to have it.
So he thought I wanted it but wouldn't make the next move and it frustrated him he said. I did not know this until my second boyfriend told me because that is what he told him about me through myspace. But then after I told him one day it was too hot out to do it so I wasn't going to have it again till September. He started to play on the computer ever since. I did not know he was using me. I didn't realize it till later on after I had dumped him.

With my second ex. he was rubbing me and he also thought I wanted to make love but I never went to that step. He had to learn my body language was different. My ex was also AS but he had learned the body language in relationships from his ex.

So that gives me a hint of people reading me wrong but I don't know how often it happens or when it happens. They don't tell me what they thought I wanted, etc.



kitty2
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28 Sep 2008, 3:33 am

I never played poker, it seems way too difficult with all the hints etc and I don't think I like it.

I miss cues. I didn't know I was until my ex told me and I have been in a few awkward situations too.
One most embarrassing and painful was that my ex went off for a walk with another woman. We were on a campsite where there were food stalls and information tents. I went to a food stall which was coincidentally in the same direction as he went with that woman, so I bumped into them and joined in the conversation. I didn't get at all they wanted some privacy and my ex thought I did this on purpose and he blamed me of following him. This really did hurt me and I was embarrassed too. :oops: :cry:

People/mates/friends/ always think about me as a very direct person, who can be really blunt too. Sometimes I go too far and I am way too harsh while I only want to make things clear. I rarely want to hurt someone, I just mean well, but other people don't seem to get that. Also with me there are no secrets or hidden agendas or gossiping. I am straight forward and I think I am reliable too. I am quite expressive myself though, sometimes I think I am even over expressing myself. I just don't get other peoples hints and cues.
Why do people use cues and hints anyway while they just can say it, or ask it? Then everything would be clear and it will avoid a whole lot of misunderstandings. :roll:



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28 Sep 2008, 3:34 am

People should ay waht they mean and mean what they say.



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28 Sep 2008, 7:41 am

markaudette wrote:
Dear God, this is terrifically embarrassing but therewas this woman I had really been attracted to for a long time. we'd been friends since high school. And I was interested in her sexually as well. After spending our whole friendship in a state of non-sexualness she appears out of the blue [wanting to have a sexual relationship I wasn't even aware of until she gave up on me and stopped talking to me.]

We spend the next several months playing what I later unraveled in my mind as being this cat-and-mouse game of "will we or won't we dork each other?" She had been coming on to me for a couple of MONTHS straight and I wasn't even aware of it.

Thinking of it always makes me feel an inch tall.


I'm uncannily blind to the sexual cues as well, and I'm sure I've driven women up the pole with that. The cues seemed so vague, so unreliable, that I could never believe they were happenng.