Having Babies

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Not everyone approaches the creation of a family from a logical, rational, cost/benefit analysis point of view. Not everyone on the spectrum is living on government money and, from what I've seen, many people on the spectrum with an inability to work, without a family support structure and the inability to adequately care for themselves do not often choose to start a family.

I read an assumption in your statement; that people living on assistance are ungrateful and selfish, therefore intentionally choosing to leech off of society. I have met people like this, but none of them have been on the spectrum. I'm sure there may be some on the spectrum that do this as well. I haven't encountered anyone here that is proud to be on assistance. I have encountered many people here that have resorted to public assistance and SSA after many years of failure and seem to bear a fair amount of guilt about it. There are some of the younger generation that have a skewed version, as discussed in the previous post, but I think that is a seperate issue - one that we agree on.

My disagreement was based on what I perceived as a blanket statement about all people on assistance. There are numerous reasons why a family might find themselves in a desperate situation. I felt it unfair to blanket everyone with the 'selfish' and 'ungrateful' characterization. I take it now that you did not intend it as a blanket statement but, rather, were referring to that segment of society that is intentionally leeching off of the system.

Taxes. Our taxes goes into Social Security, medicare and other programs and with the poor economy, less people are working so they aren't getting as much money so therefore, the system is failing. Plus if people keep abusing it by having more and more kids for the sake of it, they will run out or not have enough to give to all those people who actually need it. My sister in law got her tubes tied after two kids because she did not want to have anymore since she can't afford any. Her two kids were unplanned so she didn't want it to happen again.

Why wouldn't anyone frown upon you if you decided to have another?

I read it as people who have kids who are already getting assistance or people who cannot afford to have kids have them anyway and then go on assistance.

WOW!! ! No clue how those assumptions could possibly be made from my statements. Seriously that is crazy to me. Sorry if I came off like that. No WAY meant that. I thought I had many times said that this problem isn't AT ALL about ASD but rather about ALL people on services (NTs as well) The "ungrateful and selfish" part is about those who live on assistance and still chose to procreate. If there were tons of money and services that might be fine but since the systems are already taxed it really doesn't make sense to take from another person who is already on this planet by adding more.

Hope this makes better sense. NOTHING to do with ASD or laying blame on people for being on assistance. Some people need it and I am glad they have it. I have a "homeless" Aspie living at my own house right now for your information. I have a tiny bit of companion despite my social ineptness.

Same here. Besides, I HATE kids. Life is stressful enough with having to put up with them. I infinitely prefer kitties.

Hence my apology - it took a day or two but I realized I read it wrong. And, thinking into it, I know I've read your other posts where you opinion on this was clear. I'd like to blame my crappy short term memory but it certainly is no excuse. I read it (wrongly) in the moment and reacted in the moment. I'm one of those people that needed to unexpectedly rely on public health care while pregnant - I lost my job post 9-11 while 3 months pregnant - so I'm more than likely hyper sensitive to the subject.

All the planning in the world doesn't mean things will turn out the way you expect it to. Have you ever tried to get a job while pregnant? I don't recommend it.

Anyway... I'm a doofus. I clearly read your statement in the wrong light. Forgiven?

Oh you are completely forgiven. I am very sensitive because I tend to offend people and not understand at all how it could happen so I try to learn. Am glad to read in this case it wasn't me being insensitive.

I had two children (unplanned) as a very young person and understand completely that some people need services. Today I am one of the "wealthy" people in this country who does not try to avoid paying taxes. Coming from very humble beginnings, I "get" that part of the game I think...

I just meant that if people are trying to discourage you from having children because of a genetic condition, it's too late once you're already pregnant. Then they just try to make sure the baby is safe (if there's doubt, like if the mother-to-be has a moderate/severe disability).

Though your profile says undiagnosed... Is someone in your family diagnosed? Or maybe you just give that certain vibe that most autistics do? (I've been told I seem like I don't understand simple directions, and some have indirectly said they thought there's nothing going on in my head.)

Well, I don't doubt that the doctor wanted to help us make an educated decision but the tone of voice and her facial expression seemed to me to clearly indicate more than just that. I strongly believe that she was trying to find a diplomatic way to discourage us from having another child.

Many NT kids are tough to raise also. If you have a NT child that is a bully, a drug addict, or that gets in trouble with the law, the doctors don't advise that you see a genetic counselor to decide whether or not to have another one. I realize that many aspies can be very difficult to raise, but what I don't understand is why a relatively easy, rule-following aspie child warrants genetic counseling but a NT bully does not.

Charmingly, I'm back to my favourite early-victorian era with Oliver Twist, by the question, should poor people (on government assistance) be allowed to procreate? The answer was the - then new - Poor Act, which provided for the separation of the genders.

I think everybody has the right to have babies, as long as they do everything expectable from them to be a beneficial member of the society. It is as fair as far it goes. On both parts.