hello, my names ben and i'd like to tell you about my experience with AS. The first two years of my life as far as im aware were perfectly normal, i attended nursery and playschool and made many friends two of which i continued to be friends with much later in life. When i was three my parents noticed some strange things about me, i used to walk on tip toe constantly and spin on the spot, my general behaviour was eratic and bizzare you could say, primary school is when the anxiety that is inextricably linked with ASD's became apparent, for some reason i was not happy, my popularity diminished as i grew up, around the age of 6 i started to wonder if i was different and the anxiety got worse, i expressed this sadness to my parents but they were completely naive to the possibility that i might have a serious problem with depression and socialising, i would often make bizzare noises in ridiculous postures whilst being completely oblivious to the thought that people had a need for personal space ...for example if i got in my dads face and made a weird noise i would see that he was distressed by it but i didnt think anything of it. my desire for friendship was almost unbearable and i continued to have no social life for 10 years, my teachers and peers thought i was simply a lazy and anti-social person, far from it, i believe people with ASD's could well be the most socialble people in the world, they just dont know how to go about it, my education was ruined due to lack of motivation and interest in academic subjects, i was too busy analyzing every aspect of anything that caught my eye to care for such things, when i was 8 i developed an interest in aviation and eventualy i was flying as a professional pilot would, sitting flights up to 12 hours long which is a well known sympton of such conditions, being obssesive over one particular stimulus, as i entered secondry school i started to pick up on basic social skills, but still only going out and socialing up to 10 times a year, i focused all my will power on attempting to change myself and recode my brain to fit into social groups but mostly this failed, the 10 years my depression lasted were full of anger, jealousy, low self confidence and wonder. Just that one thought " why am i like this" " and " why me "
i am 17 years old now, i have a beautiful girlfriend who ive been with for 8 months, many friends whom i see every day, i do not have to think about how i present myself and i recognise body language and other social cues automaticly, i discovered i had an ASD 2 days ago, and knowing WHY my life has been a distressful one makes it so much easier, i can accept what is wrong with me and be positive about it, ASD's give you incredible general knowledge and situational awareness and philosophical skills, you see things others dont, feel emotions others wouldnt even think to feel. i see it as a blessing now
i am ben, i have aspergers, but it doesent change who i am, i am a person just like everyone else, just remixed Smile
07 Oct 2008, 7:07 pm
