Wanted:Thanksgiving Family Meal Survival Tips

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Pook
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

26 Nov 2008, 3:15 pm

I am dreading the meal tomorrow at my sisterinlw's. They are great people it's just that I have very bad SAD and the panic disorder can make me appear strange. My eyecontact is very poor and even my ASPY diagnosed councilor had to admit it is a problem. Unfortunately it seems to have worsened with age.

If I could I would skip at least the meal, but my husband would have a meltdown and everybody loves are baby girl. I do my best to melt into the woodwork, but the meal is huge and I feel like a slouch if I don't offer any help besides the potato dish I'm making. Those few hours seem to last forever eventhough I do my best to be NT.

Oooh I'm getting uptight thinking about tomorrow dinner. sigh :roll:



NocturnalQuilter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2008
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 937

26 Nov 2008, 3:21 pm

Pook wrote:
...eventhough I do my best to be NT.


There's your problem. You're trying to be what you think they expect.
A sure recipe for failure.
Just be yourself. However that may be. Because if they don't accept you for you, then they definately won't accept a false you.
Have you talked about this with hubby?



spudnik
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,992
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada

26 Nov 2008, 3:21 pm

My survival tip for getting though the holidays, Get Drunk as f**k. Sorry for the F bomb, I am not big on family gatherings anymore.



NocturnalQuilter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2008
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 937

26 Nov 2008, 3:25 pm

spudnik wrote:
My survival tip for getting though the holidays, Get Drunk as f**k. Sorry for the F bomb, I am not big on family gatherings anymore.

That is exactly my survival tip.... for family gatherins as well as life in general.



Pook
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

26 Nov 2008, 11:39 pm

No I havn't said anything to my husband as he would think it was all in my head. But most aspies can tell the difference. Occassionally we are wrong, but I am of the intuitive type which makes me more prone to see beyond the surface.

Thanks for tip. I'm not a drinker myself.



Coadunate
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 640
Location: S. California

26 Nov 2008, 11:59 pm

Here’s what I do every Thanksgiving. I make the turkey. If I get invited somewhere I just tell them that I have to make my own turkey and can’t go. Especially since I make a very good turkey nobody has the nerve to insist. If anyone comes over for Thanksgiving and I get bored of listening to them I ply everyone with good liquor. If anyone doesn’t drink they get bored and leave.



Pook
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

27 Nov 2008, 12:05 am

Now there's a thought except I have never had the nerve to roast the turkey. My parents are the ones that are quite good at that so I have not attempted that part of the meal before.



MizLiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 890
Location: USA

27 Nov 2008, 1:30 am

I just stay away. I live with my parents and will be spending all day tomorrow locked in the basement. Things get unbearably loud when my mom's family shows up (they talk OVER each other instead of waiting for turns in conversation). I usually end up slamming my head against walls until they leave. I never eat anything anyway (can't stand the texture of anything that's served at thanksgiving), so there's no point.



richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Xfractor Card #351

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind

27 Nov 2008, 3:41 am

thanksgiving survial tips? no phone calls. if my real dad tries calling tomorrow (wich im shure he wont) it will just be so awkward like it is everytime. its like duh you dont know me so why are we talking? ok bye now. i will talk to my aunt and cousins though because there an acceptable bunch


_________________
Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light


craola
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 20 Mar 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 260

27 Nov 2008, 4:15 am

We don't do Thanksgiving here, but this is what I do at Christmas-

Have what I want for my meal. Last year I had pitta bread and hummus, as long as you're at the table that is what counts apparently.

Take things to the table to distract/amuse/keep yourself calm. Be it toys, pen and paper to doodle with textures you like...anything.

Ear plugs. If noise effects you or you get disorientated they can really help you.

Let the people you are going to be around know its hard for you so they don't ask too much from you.

Don't try to be someone you're not, it adds more stress and makes things worse.

That is all I can think of.



MizLiz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 890
Location: USA

27 Nov 2008, 1:00 pm

Its already hell with all the noise. Vacuum cleaner, the silverware rattling (my hyperacusis is the worst of my non-social AS symptoms). The family doesn't show up for another few minutes so I don't have to escape yet.

My mom already started in with her bitching. She's been doing this ever since I was diagnosed.

"Be nice."

She thinks aloof and not talkative is the same thing as mean. It's not like I insult people or am going to stab them with the turkey knife. I just don't want to see anybody.