Trapped by my Autism

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Yes, and don't keep trying one of the 10,000 ways that don't work!

Grow up. That is all.

Grow up can also be used to mean "act normal and drop your immature special interests". It's an annoyance trigger for some of us. Well, me, anyway, and probably a lot of the others who complain that people think they're immature for liking "kid" stuff like legos or cartoons.

Just FYI...

If I were to suddenly act "mature" or "grown up," everyone would know there was something going on that was VERY BAD.

Generally speaking, immaturity is just another pigeon hole in which to force us.

One other thing. I was liberated with the diagnosis of my AS. In a way it was a coat rack on which I could hang the coats strung hither and thither in my life, my personality, my being. I don't lean on it. I am not codependent to a diagnosis. If nothing else, it explains the formerly unexplainable.

While this is certainly not true for everyone, it unlocked my chains.

I agree, for most of us "grow up" is the same as saying "be NT"

Hi again DJ:

THere are times when you are simply NOT in choice mode and anyone who tells you to buck up and grow a pair in those times is treating you and your struggles with very little regard. Further, they are forgetting their own times when they also were outside of being able to make choices.

And if someone IS able to make a choice and stick to it no matter what, well, there is no way that kind of person can understand those who really can't. And again, for those who have made choices, failed, and then finally were able to stick to them, well, they can be the worst, not even realizing it's only by the Grace of God.

As far as being or not being able to do XY or Z, it may or may not be up to you. By being up to you I don't mean that if you fail you simply didn't try hard enough. You may fail at something you thought was what you wanted to do and fall into something that hits you unexpectedly.

Do you have a particular obsession in which you can't fail? Major in that!

We all have these very complex psychological makeups that are particular to our own selves. No one can tell you how to survive but we can encourage you and tell you want may have worked for us.

Surround yourself with people who will in no way judge your "failures" or succeses.

As far as how I judge people aside from success? Kindness and trying to do what is right.

You will find a way.

Not necessarily. You can be mature and exhibit adult judgment and morals and still have AS qualities like special interests, even if those are a little immature. Lots of NTs have the same special interests that I do, so there's nothing abnormal about it.

It's the big things that matter as far as maturity is concerned, and being in control of your emotions is one of them... perfecting that won't come in your teens years for anyone.

Keeping in ming that I'm a lot older than some of you and what's mature to a 20 year old is different from what's mature to someone over 30.

Not really. I have many interests, so I never put all of my free time into one particular subject. Also, many of my interests are useless (obsessing about particular TV shows won't get me a job).

It seems that I have come to believe that because I have AS, I'm not "supposed to" have social success or accomplish anything else that contradicts the nature of the condition. That I shouldn't try certain things because Aspies aren't "supposed to" succeed at those things. That I somehow don't deserve as much as other people because I was born a certain way.

I really feel sorry for the poeple out there who actually believe any of the propoganda about Autism or Aspergers. If you can't make up your own mind about things then you obviously are not on the spectrum to begin with.

Deep down I've always known it's not true, but it's how I feel, and not because of "propaganda". And not knowing what I can and can't do doesn't mean I'm not autistic.

Last edited by DJRnold on 08 Dec 2008, 9:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Even if you never learn control of your emotions, maturity means learning to expect the loss of control, and set contingencies in place for it, so that it happens in private and does not hurt anyone.

Maturity can be achieved even if one never loses any AS traits, even if one spends one's entire life vulnerable to meltdowns and fascinated with Legos. It is not a matter of ability, even of ability to plan, but a matter of taking responsibility for the choices that are possible to make--as well as learning to deal with the things about which you have no choice.

What does maturity have to do with my problem?

Decision making is not a diagnostic criteria; if you don't mind, please explain where this presumption comes from?


M.

Yes, please do.

My reply had to do with the 'rational' or 'decission making criteria' that was adopted in the questions which would not typically be adopted by somebody who was autistic characteristics and not with his internal decision making process. These are two completely different things.