inappropriate?

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i was in school today and during one of my studt periods the people in the room started gossiping (as Nt's seem to do alot ive noticed) although i kept zoning out ,i did catch bits of their conversation.
one of the boys was saying he had a fight with a girl
apparantly the girl called him a "man slut" (?) and he didnt like it,he said he "wanted to tell her off saying im not the one with a baby"
one of the girls gasped and said you should never say something like that to her and that it was inappropriate

what i want to know is why its inappropriate.i asked the girl but she wouldnt say why.
any clues?

I don't believe it sounds inappropriate either.
In fact, it sounds like a well-justified and equal comeback.

I am just as baffled.


Perhaps it is that "Double Standard" that rules alot of NT social ettiquete.

Last edited by CleverKitten on 05 Dec 2008, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

she called him a "man slut"
his response, that she has a baby (without being married, most likely), pointing out that way, that she behaved "slut like" too, getting the kid that way.

It's a bit difficult to get this kind of sarcasm, since there are several unspoken assumptions in it. Most likely the people speaking knew more about the situation of the girl, mainly if she is still together with the father (likely not), if the child was wanted (most likely not).

Yeah that's what I was thinking.. the circumstances of the child's birth might make that comeback a low-blow.

I think it's still relevant and true but many people find relevant and true to be inappropriate anyway

Last edited by mitharatowen on 05 Dec 2008, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can see why the comment might be inappropriate in some contexts, but not the one described.

They would think it's inappropiate as It's implying she's a slut simply for having a baby, which may or may not be the case but the fact she has a baby does not determine this and should not effect one's judgement (altough it does IMO). I'm making this statement with the assumption that the girl in question has a baby.

I find the way it seems NTs backstab each other, or treat each other cruelly like this inappropriate. I guess that's why I never got the hang of social skills, because I didn't understand what NTs seem to, in the way of there being a point in being mean to each other.

Why did the girl say it was inappropriate? Because it was calling someone a slut for having a baby out of wedlock. It's disrespectful to the mother and to the child.

But there are several other levels of "inappropriateness" here, which seem to have escaped the participants:

It sounds like two people being really nasty to each other, and calling each other sluts. The nastiness on both sides is "inappropriate," to say the least.

Telling the story to third parties is even worse, IMO, because it means that the person telling the story is trying to discredit someone who isn't even in the room, which is a lousy thing to do. Unless the person poses a danger to someone (which is not the case here), there is no good reason to do this.

Finally, talking about your private business in public in such a way that others can't help but overhear is hugely inappropriate. It intrudes on everyone's privacy. People do it all the time in the US, especially on their cell phones, and it drives both me and my NT husband up the wall.

It's okay to know that an unmarried girl has had a baby, but it is considered rude to actually point is out, especially when doing so illuminates her own blatant hypocrisy.

Y'see, in the girl's make-believe world, having babies while underage and unmarried is okay. It's the shattering of that illusion that made the statement "inappropriate."

Sounds a pretty good comeback to me. You shouldn't dish out insults if you can't handle them.

It shouldn't really be an insult- the fact that she has a baby has no bearing on how many partners she's had*- but society has turned it into one and in this context, it means exactly the same thing as calling a guy a 'man-whore'.

*okay, at least one...

It's inappropriate for a lot of reasons.

Firstly, it's irrelevant that the girl is pregnant. Being pregnant does not equate to being "a slut".

Those who view an unmarried girl who gets pregnant as a "slut" are expressing an old-fashioned view of female sexuality. Misogynists (woman-belittlers) (and they can be women, too) tend to view women as passive sex objects -- i.e. they can only have a baby when society gives permission (e.g. married, and then husband is presumably the one initiating the sex). For those people, any girl who chooses to have sex for pleasure will fit their definition of what "slut" means. So "slut", to those people, is a label that they would give any single girl who gets pregnant.

To most people, though, the word "slut" means the girl is actually promiscuous, has sex with anyone (low standards), or has sex with guys she just met, and so on. Most people would see this guy's comment as being irrelevant if the girl wasn't promiscuous, and from that perspective they would see him as hitting her below-the-belt with a mean, you're-having-a-baby jab. A dirty fighter.

The girls who were complaining about what this guy said, might have also been ticked off by the hypocrisy. Maybe the girls were dumping on him for basically saying that since he's a guy, he's free to run around and have as much sex as he wants, but because she's a girl and has any sex, she's a slut. That has all the elements of a hypocritical sneer that might make the girls resent his words, too.

His words were especially inappropriate if it was HIS baby she was carrying! If that was the case, I can see why the whole school would be talking about it. He's basically slapping her for being a fallen woman -- after he ruined her.

But I agree with the guy above who said she brought it on. If you're going to start slinging sexual slurs at people personally, you are going to be surprised when some come back?

*shakes head* Inequitable. Both have had sex, yet he is justified in demeaning her because she is capable of giving birth while the most likely lasting affect he would take from the experience is an STD unless he were committed to the woman and the child as well. Shows bias, and is rather crude.


M.

At first looking at this topic, I was baffled too. But looking at the replies, I now see why.

But sometimes I think what some consider rude ain't that rude (not saying that about this.) Like asking an adult their age.

i understand now cheers guys.was confused all day about this.

I've never understood why this is rude either. In the old days, it was especially rude to ask a woman her age, why, I don't know. Perhaps women were supposed to look like they're 20 and everyone was supposed to keep up the illusion? Who knows. I've always considered it idiotic. I think nowadays, the rude thing to ask a woman about is her weight. We haven't progressed much as a species, have we?

Anyway, I am an adult (at least according to my birth certificate) and I never mind when people ask my age. On the contrary, I generally announce it, especially on my birthday. But I'm weird.

I never understood why weight or age is such a sensitive topic either. IMO, knowing the number isn't going to change the way the person looks or how others percieve them. If someone guesses my weight to be 10 lbs lighter than it really is, telling them the truth isn't going to make me look any heavier to them, unless they're stupid.