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Damaged
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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06 Dec 2008, 11:10 pm

From an article in the New York Times Magazine about teasing:
"Given the perils of negotiating rank, many species have evolved dramatized status contests, relying on symbolic displays of physical size and force to peacefully sort out who’s on top. Stags roar. Frogs croak. Chimps throw branches around. Hippos open their jaws as wide as possible to impress competitors.

And humans tease. Teasing can be thought of as a status contest with a twist. As humans evolved the ability to form complex alliances, the power of a single individual came increasingly to depend on the ability to build strong bonds. Power became a matter of social intelligence (the good of the group) rather than of survival of the fittest (raw strength). As a status contest, teasing must walk a fine line, designating status while enhancing social connection."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/magazine/07teasing-t.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&ref=magazine

Does this, perhaps, explain a lot to you about your personal failures? And I was taught: "Work hard and get ahead."



Exile
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06 Dec 2008, 11:28 pm

I have ALWAYS seen this sort of "teasing" and especially "practical jokes" as a not-so-subtle attempt to belittle, to demean, to criticize without actually having to COMMIT to the overt act. I see such actions as cowardly and underhanded. There's nothing remotely funny about laughter at someone else's expense. If someone tries to make it at my expense, they will regret it. Instantly.

My consistent response to this is active and immediate hostility toward the perpetrator. No remorse. I have never been fooled by one of these mean-spirited attempts. I have never had to use violence, but, utilizing their own under-the-table method of expression, have intimated it without being overt (which, of course, never fools them, nor is it intended to), with powerful effect on my subject. They get the message. Don't try this. Ever again.

Largely, they never get the opportunity to do so. I won't have such people around me and excluding them is easy to accomplish.

I deal with people fairly and directly. If they can't or won't interact with me on the same basis, they are gone. I am part of NO social hierarchy, no one is above me and none below. IF I chose to interact with anyone it WILL be on the basis of equality. If ANY attempt is made to alter this, it is unacceptable and rejection is the instant result.

I am not a chimpanzee. If others are content to act like such, they then need the company of other lower primates. Not moi.

8)



Last edited by Exile on 07 Dec 2008, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sarcastic_Name
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06 Dec 2008, 11:42 pm

Teasing for me depends on the intents behind it. I have some friends that teased me about my weight in order to encourage me to lose it. Now, as bullying, I disagree with it. Context is key for me.


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ValMikeSmith
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07 Dec 2008, 2:45 am

Quote:
Power became a matter of social intelligence (the good of the group) rather than of survival of the fittest (raw strength).


Those kinds of "power" is all Boo Sheet and I pwnz and rulez them.

Quote:
I am not a chimpanzee. If others are content to act like such, they then need the company of other lower primates. Not moi.

Et non moi!



Eggman
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07 Dec 2008, 2:50 am

not inportant at all



pakled
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07 Dec 2008, 3:22 am

you can always turn it around, and tease back.



prillix
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07 Dec 2008, 4:39 am

pakled wrote:
you can always turn it around, and tease back.



I know you are but what am i?!

Takes one to know one!



Bradleigh
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07 Dec 2008, 5:02 am

Teasing as a form of social status, thats disgusting so they are saying that those who are teased are just weak, only an ignorant society could have such a thought, though it is probably true that a bulk of people might think that. I have seen jow by haveing a bunch of people tease me put myself on the bottom and those pigs on the top. Though I would there is very little need for teasing, do people need to feel like dirt, or feel themselves as being able to demean someone elses existence.


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irishwhistle
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07 Dec 2008, 5:58 am

Great. Another chump comparing us with chimps. I finally hit saturation on these stories about ten years ago, when I got sick of hearing "normal" and "correct" behavior defined by studied made of various animals. We are people, not beasts. If all natural behavior was right and acceptable to other people, the streets would verily run with blood every rush hour. If they said, "This study tells us something about why we may want to do a certain thing. Now here's why we should not do it anyway," I might give them a break.


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violet_yoshi
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07 Dec 2008, 7:10 am

Exile wrote:
I have ALWAYS seen this sort of "teasing" and especially "practical jokes" as a not-so-subtle attempt to belittle, to demean, to criticize without actually having to COMMIT to the overt act. I see such actions as cowardly and underhanded. There's nothing remotely funny about laughter at someone else's expense. If someone tries to make it at my expense, they will regret it. Instantly.

My consistent response to this is active and immediate hostility toward the perpetrator. No remorse. I have never been fooled by one of these mean-spirited attempts. I have never had to use violence, but, utilizing their own under-the-table method of expression, have intimated it without being overt (which, of course, never fools them, nor is it intended to), with powerful effect on my subject. They get the message. Don't try this. Ever again.

Largely, they never get the opportunity to do so. I won't have such people around me and excluding them is easy to accomplish.

I deal with people fairly and directly. If they can't or won't interact with me on the same basis, they are gone. I am part of NO social hierarchy, no one is above me and none below. IF I chose to interact with anymore it WILL be on the basis of equality. If ANY attempt is made to alter this, it is unacceptable and rejection is the instant result.

I am not a chimpanzee. If others are content to act like such, they then need the company of other lower primates. Not moi.

8)


Amen.



Crocodile
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07 Dec 2008, 8:02 am

The real strong people are those who defend the bullied. Wich means I'm stronger than all those teasers and bullies.

This theory is absolute nonsense. Reality proves this fact, the people who actually believe this likely have been bullies or were never bullied/were able to defend themselves.


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Lene
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07 Dec 2008, 9:27 am

Actually, I think that article made a lot of sense. OK, the chimp stuff was a bit tedious, but I like the idea that nicknames and teasing help strengthen bonds- it makes sense.

The people who I'm closest to are the ones I can take the mickey out of and know that they won't get offended back, and they can do the same to me. In the short term, I may be embarrassed about 'losing face', but it's actually worse to be the only one in a group without a nickname, or who never has an 'in-joke' because everyone's too nervous to give you one. I'd rather a nickname initially intended as an insult over one deliberately flattering (they tend to be boring).

I think it does depend a lot on the context: friends can get away with stuff that a stranger wouldn't.



Bradleigh
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07 Dec 2008, 9:31 am

I thought that the article was mostly about how the person who is the alpha is the one who can tease the most effectivly, as a way of showing dominance.


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Lene
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07 Dec 2008, 9:42 am

But attempts to define the nature of that commentary can be difficult, not least because language itself gets in the way. We may use “teasing” to refer to the affectionate banter of middle-school friends, to the offensive passes of impulsive bosses and to the language of heart-palpitating flirtation, to humiliation that scars psyches (harsh teasing about obesity can damage a child’s sense of self for years) and to the repartee that creates a peaceful space between siblings. It is necessary to look at how we use language — especially at how we deliver our spoken words — to get at what teasing actually is.

I think the article was tying to say that dominance was only one aspect of teasing.



mystyc
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07 Dec 2008, 4:19 pm

Lene wrote:
But attempts to define the nature of that commentary can be difficult, not least because language itself gets in the way. We may use “teasing” to refer to the affectionate banter of middle-school friends, to the offensive passes of impulsive bosses and to the language of heart-palpitating flirtation, to humiliation that scars psyches (harsh teasing about obesity can damage a child’s sense of self for years) and to the repartee that creates a peaceful space between siblings. It is necessary to look at how we use language — especially at how we deliver our spoken words — to get at what teasing actually is.

I think the article was tying to say that dominance was only one aspect of teasing.


hah, it does not matter what the article was trying to say because most people around here don't RTFA.