Am I on the spectrum?

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Hi everyone

I know you must get so many threads asking the same sort of question - my subsequent posts will be a little less self-involved, I promise! I'm not NT, but I'm not sure whether I could be classified as having mild Aspergers or whether my traits don't quite fit.

I have congenital hemiplegia - a portion of the right hemisphere of my brain was damaged before I was born. This means my motor skills aren't great - when I was a child, I needed a lot of help with everyday tasks, but now it's not really noticeable, I just seem clumsy and useless at intricate tasks or any sort of sports.

I had a talent for reading and maths at a *very* early age - before I went to preschool I was at the top end of primary school level. In IQ tests, though, I came out average - my very high scores in these areas were balanced by very low ones in others. I still have troubles with spatial awareness.

Throughout my childhood I had a vivid imagination and would often pace up and down while I was thinking. I'd often make unusual movements with my hands, flapping them about orwringing them together. I still do this when I'm stressed, but since I was taught that it wasn't 'normal,' I spent a lot of time trying to get rid of the habit.

I've never related well to people. I find it difficult to understand them and have never had friends my own age. The Internet has been a blessing to me - I've been able to make friends, something impossible for me before. Crowds are a nightmare for me, social situations drain me, I'm incredibly sensitive in busy environments and need to be alone in order to feel relaxed. (I'm also sensitive in general - I have much stronger reactions to loud or unexpected sounds and bright lights than most people)

In my early teenage years I began to suffer from severe social anxiety and depression, something that has continued to this day. I began to doubt my own capabilities and it was around this time that the talents I had for academic subjects faded. I felt constantly as if I was acting - examining NT individuals and trying to copy them, to appear normal - but of course imitating isn't anything like understanding, and I didn't feel any closer to 'normality.' Eventually I couldn't do it anymore, I had to drop out of school, and to this day I find it very difficult to hold a job because after a period of time I'll be overcome by anxiety due to my intense self-examination and the pressure this causes.

I have a number of special interests, mostly to do with the social sciences (and SF fandom ) that I can get a bit obsessive about - this isn't all that uncommon in my online social circles, though, so I don't know if it's unusual enough to really be worth mentioning. I *don't* consider myself unemotional or overly routine-driven - in fact, I'd probably do better if I have a routine, I'm much more likely to want to do things and then spend so much time planning to do them or procrastinating that they never get done!

Anyone who has read this far - thanks! I'd really appreciate any comments, even the opinion that this isn't the right community for me if that's what you think. I'm not sure about anything and I'm looking for answers

Not officially, but you've got a lot in common with Autistic Spectrum Disorders.

Welcome to WP Dracarys!

I think you've expressed why a lot of people come to WP - to find answers. In response to your question, "Am I on the spectrum?" I'd say it's very possible that you are, at least you have a number of traits that people on the spectrum have. The difficulty, however, is where you are on the spectrum. You might receive a diagnosis of Autism, High-Functioning Autism (HFA), Asperger's Syndrome (AS), or Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS). It's interesting to note that some studies report that Asperger's Syndrome affects the right hemisphere more than the left. To be official, you'd need to be evaluated by someone experienced in diagnosing adults.

You might also want to look into "twice-exceptional" a term that refers to being intellectually gifted but also having a disorder that affects learning. With your early reading and math ability, coupled with low scores in other areas, you might have a gifted/autism spectrum profile.

Good luck with your search for answers - you've come to a good place to explore.

Z

Wow, I'm stunned. Your story mirrors mine almost precisely! From the motor problems, to the IQ score discrepencies, to the social exhastion, to the sound and light sensitivities, SF, to the job difficulties and even dropping out of school! Are you sure you're not me?

Light sensitivities are horrible, I refuse to go outside a lot of the time unless its cloudy because the sunlight hurts my eyes so much. Sound sensitivities are pretty bad too, I can't be in a room where there are multiple conversations going on because there is too much noise to deal with... I have gone to concerts before, but only if I absolutly love the band, and I come out feeling sick because of the noise, but if I like the band enough, it can be worthwhile. Movies in theatres, I will see them with other people, but again, same problem as concerts, just not quite as severe. I would rather watch a movie at home with my surround sound system, and have the volume at the perfect setting.

Thank you all for your replies!

Zonder - I looked up 'twice-exceptional' - it's definitely a label that fits my younger self, and one I'd never heard of before. And it's still valid for me, to some extent. I'm not really interested in seeking a formal diagnosis, as I don't trust doctors all that much, and if I'm looking to define myself it's only to get a little more self-knowledge. As long as I know I have something in common with people here, I'm happy.

Tails - Really? That's amazing. Most people tend to think I'm exaggerating when I describe how affected I can be by environmental factors. It's validating somehow to come across someone who seems to have had exactly the same problems! I've always felt like it was just me who felt this way and was oversensitive about everything. It's hard to explain to others.

Padium - yes, it's a lot easier to go out when it's cloudy or in the evening. I've never been to see a band - I'd like to, but I know the combination of a large crowd and a lot of noise would make me very uncomfortable and panicky. I don't have such a problem with movies, but only if I go to see them at odd times at least a few weeks after they've been released, when theatres are quieter.

Have to say, I'm geeking out over your Portal avatar, also

Yeah, it's difficult when people don't understand how disabling and physically exhausting having sensory overload is. I'm reading a really good book right now called "Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight" by Sharon Heller, about sensory defensiveness (sensory integation dysfunction broken down). It's really informative and validating, and it explains so much.

Hello Dracarys.
welcome to WP. I have sensory problems too so i can relate to all that. vey bright today in subtropical austrlalia where i live and this morning i had a migraine due to heat, bright sunshine and too much sensory stimulation yesterday.

WP is a good place to find out more about ASD's. BUt beware those who try to make judgements about whether or not you have AS or an ASD. Really, you need to go to a specialist in Autism Spectrum Disorders for that, and undergo a series of tests that can suss it out in a responsible and thorough manner. I do not think it wise when people on WP start deciding who does and who does not have an ASD on the basis of short and sweet posts on topic threads.

Hope to see you around more.

You are certainly no NT.


I hardly had anxiety growing up until I reached my pre adolescents, 6th grade I think it was. I was also diagnosed with depression that same year. My mom says I have had it since second grade but I dunno if I agree or not. I look back and I seemed happy despite the bullying I got. Everyday was a new day for me so I'd be happy the next day and not even care about what happened the day before. I didn't understand people or relate very well to them so that's probably why I was able to do that easily. But then it effected me later on.



School was hard for me too even though we had moved and things were easier for me but the work was difficult. What made me stay was I heard it's harder to find jobs when you don't finish high school and my mother said she would take me to London if I finish high school.

I can also relate to copying people. I was a different person in my school and at home I'd be myself again. Occasionally I would bring home "school behavior" and my mother would have to put a stop to it. One time I said "Sorry mom I forgot, that's school behavior. I'm at home now so I have to do home behavior." That caught my mother off guard because she couldn't understand where that come from. Then she found out the behavior I brought home from school, that's how kids act in my class because I was in special ed full time then. I was placed in a new school that was closer to home and I was in regular ed mainstreaming special ed. but it didn't happen right away, it took my parents till October to do it.

The first symptom to look for is: do you lack or have an obvious impairment in two-way social interaction, which in turn causes social failure more often than not.

Second is: do you have an all-encompassing area of interest where you spend most of your time pursuing and thinking about, which in turn means you neglect to do things you should be doing for someone your age. This interest can change, but it needs to be pursued obsessively and to a level that creates impairment compared to your peers (you do far below your level in schooling due to pursuing your interest in poisons, for example).

When you have these two, most of the other symptoms will be there.