It is not Asperger's that makes me who I am

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It's as daft for an Aspie to say that his lack of neurotypicality defines him as it is for an NT to say that his neurotypicality defines him.

I think however, many cling to it as a definer because it provides them with a sense of identity and belonging, like a club membership - not least because cliques and clubs are generally something they've endured persistent exclusion FROM.

I see the typical I-am-my-AS'er as a wounded and indignant person who wishes to exclude the unfair, wider world from 'their club' - an act of indignant vengeance.

I'm sure we do, me and my Aspie friend think differently to our fellow class mates, also don't forget that if I was NT I wouldn't be interested in anything I am now or anything... I would be a totally different person, in fact!

You are sure you do, but you cannot really explain in what way you do?
And what makes you say that NTs are not interested in anything? All the interests that Aspies have - can be the interests of NT. This is the obsessive nature of the interests that constitutes Apserger's traits.

This is what I think. I never , however, had the courage to actually point that out, because you are going to be accused of being cynical, etc... Neither had I the eloquence to express it so concisely and accurately.

Last edited by Naturella on 22 Dec 2008, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nothing like as much as you suppose.

Your interests would be very much the same - you just wouldn't be as obsessive about them.
You wouldn't find other things suddenly fascinating - neurotypicality doesn't change you as set of tastes and interests.

Though it might sometimes FEEL like it, AS'ers are not a separate race of beings.

Being NT means that parts of your brain that are currently dormant would become functional - making your life easier and better aligned with the NT majority, so you would basically be more involved in society ... but still the same core you.

I doubt it, I would act like every other NT teenager, I wouldn't act anything like I do now.

You're very kind.

You're very kind.

They do.

They aren't, but they do tell thousands of things about you, we all are after all both the sum of what's inside + how people look at us. Don't come with fairy tale stuff about what's inside being what matters, it isn't.


Yes, it is , in a large deal it determines most of your potentials, it also determines how most of the people react to you.


It actually is, your personality has an influence on your look.


They do have a big role in that.


Yes, but you are a person with a big nose, if it is massive, people will use that to describe you, it will actually influence in your life and make you
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Nobody cares whether you chose it or not, it still determines what you are. The neuro system is basically most of your "inside" self.


Yes, it is, among all those things you have mentioned, they made you. Your genes, your family, the shoes you chose, your neuro system, they make you. The fact you don't like that they are part of what made you, doesn't really change it.




Interestingly your neurosystem is guilty for most of those, your body for another big deal of those.


You can choose... but do you know what made you choose something instead or the other? All those things you have neglected as being part of you, have influenced you and made you choose what you chose.



If it has influenced your behavior so badly, then yes, it really does make a whole percentage of who you are.


This desire wouldn't exist without Aspergers, so, yeah, even you agree, Aspergers made you who you are.


Everybody desires to succeed, if anything this makes you human, an animal, actually.



You are an aspie, Asperger's had a big influence in who you are. Without it, you wouldn't be the same person, maybe you wouldn't even be close to being what you are.

Being proud that you are an Aspie, to my oppinion is same as to be proud that you were born with a big mole on one of your left feet toe. same as to be proud that you were born on Wednesday, or same as to be proud of the shape of your ears.
I, however am not going to argue any more with you in particular. We could come back to this discussion with you in ten years or more. May be, your ideas on the subject will change, or at least you will be able to explain what exactly Aspie traits make you so proud of yourself. Hope, however, by that time you will find other reasons for self-admiration, because this one "I am proud because I have Asperger's" does not take you too far, it is not a great resourse for personal progress.
I could have enlisted here all typically aspie traits from some formal medical resourse and asked you : what are those that you share and why do they make you proud of your Asperger's?
But I will not do that. Because I do not want to be accused of being cynical and mean to an innocent and naive 14 year old boy.

I truly appreciate the OP raising this topic! It has really made me think about what I'm feeling. My initial inclination was to say that AS does not define me - but the course of organizing my thoughts has led me in the opposite direction.

Asperger's makes me who I am, in the sense that I attribute most of my personality to my Aspie traits. Certainly, there are some aspects of my personality that result from my experiences growing up (although, many of the experiences that stand out were also the direct result of my Aspie traits - such as the merciless teasing & bullying I endured for being "different.") My participation in various music groups, my time in the Army & my other work experiences without a doubt have had an influence on me. But a lot of who I am appears to have been "hard wired" - otherwise I would have grown up the way my parents & the other people around me expected of me - gotten married, had kids, etc.

I think differently from NTs, in that I have an extremely difficult time judging people's intentions (what motivates them to act as they do?) I also have to spend a considerable amount of time translating my thoughts into words, if called upon to explain my ideas to someone - my thoughts tend to be pattern-related, instead of primarily visual (as with Temple Grandin), or primarily verbal (as with NTs.)

It may not be ALL I am, but it accounts for a lot. It colors my sense of humor, my emotions and the way I relate to people. It probably accounts for my musical & mathematical abilities - although I'm not a savant, I'm extremely good with music & geometry (due to the way my mind sees patterns.)

It probably does not account for my intellect, in general. I assume that I'm smart in addition to having AS, not because of it. Because I'm smart, I can make choices that are contrary to my Aspie tendencies - sometimes successfully, sometimes not. It all depends on how strong the tendency actually is. But even the fact that I'm faced with the choice of whether or not to follow my Aspie tendencies is BECAUSE of those tendencies.

I am who I am, and everything that is a part of me helps to build and define that person. I am proud to be who I am, and with that, I am proud to be aspie.

What people think about me is not real me. I think, the key to your whole post is this one: "Don't come with fairy tale stuff about what's inside being what matters, it isn't".
And I strongly disagree. This is what inside of us that matters. This is the human spirit that matters. But it is almost impossible to dispute with a person whose position on the as cynical as that. I think if we follow your logic - every person should be issued a price tag on it. This price tag will define the value of this person to society. And once being evaluated by someone (I wonder WHO?) then each person should mind his place and stick to the lable given. and never try do anything to achieve anything which is not written on the lable with "specification" that he was warranted.

Vexcalibur: I like how you think ... all of it ... including the parts I snipped

Seems to me a lot of the trenchant I-am-my-Aspieness is nothing to do with the identity issue and everything to do with a defiant stand against being told by the world, to stop being so Aspie.

It's saying, I refuse to change because the world wants me to 'act normal', I refuse to deny my Aspieness.
In saying that they ARE their Aspieness, they're throwing down the gauntlet to the world by saying 'I am ONLY my Aspieness - deal with it'.

It would appear to be a product of indignation and anger, rather than an intellectual position as such.

How about this: I can watch someone for a few minutes and know who they are. I may not know all of their story, but I will know enough to get a good idea of who they are. Two people dressed the same way can have completely different reasons for dressing that way, and their way of wearing it will tell you why they are wearing it, and reveal something about them. Every aspect of a person tells a portion of who they are. This includes the clothes they are wearing and their physical appearence. An ugly person can look beautiful if they try to, and a beautiful person can look ugly if they don't try to look beautiful (badly worded, but I think you get the point). How they look tells you about what they think about themselves, how they move their bodies tells you about stuff too.