oops, stuff they don't let you live down

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I was thinking earlier about some of the strange misunderstandings I've had that people found really ammusing.

I was not exposed to religion as a child. When I was 9, my mom took me to a private (Christian) school to try to sign me up. The headmaster wore a priest's shirt and collar. I'd never seen a priest before. The closest thing I could compare it to was Marvin the Martian, the collar his helmut fit into. I asked, "Mommy, is he a Martian?" They never let me forget that one.

When I was about 12, we were at the doctor. He made the comment that I was "turning into a fox." My mom asked me when we left why I didn't say "thank you." I thought he was calling me a fox... you know, sly and sneaky? Of course she told him. They found it really funny and never let me forget.

Anybody else have some funny misunderstandings to share?

My mother and I were coming home from the funeral when I was 11. I kept teasing her and she kept telling me to stop that teasing. I stopped and kept doing other teases. Then finally, when we got close to Oregon, she gets upset with me at my last trick and pulls the car over and tells me to get out. She drives off and stops up ahead and tells me to get in. She starts driving again and I see she is crying so I asked her what's wrong. She tells me everyone keeps teasing her, my uncle, my dad, my brothers and me. She told me she kept telling me to stop teasing and I told her "You said stop that teasing. You didn't say all teasing."
Turns out she meant she didn't want me teasing her at all.


My mom was talking to a neighbor and I see her and I come up to her and ask "Mom, why are you talking to her? You said you didn't like her."
The neighbor's eyes get real wide and my mother says to her "I'm sorry I don't know where she got that" but the neighbor storms off anyway.
That day during dinner, I was talking and I said how mom told dad she said she doesn't like the Luers but today I saw her talking to her. Then my mother realized I had heard her talking to dad and I heard her say "I am not like the Luers."
I thought she said she didn't like them. That was how I talked then my mom said. I said things like "I hungry." so that was why I misunderstood my mother.



It was the 4th of July in 2004 or 2005 and I go to the lake house for the 4th of July to meet my family. My dad asks why is the floor all wet in the bathroom and my mother said "Your dad put a brick in it."
I wondered where did my grandfather get the brick. He doesn't have any on his property, where did he get it? Why did he put it in the toilet? How did it back the toilet up? Wouldn't the water go around it and down the hole?
So I asked where did he get the brick and my dad said he made it but I didn't beleive him. I thought it was one of his BS again. So I kept asking where did he get it, how did he get it and why did he do it. Then finally my mom said it means he was constipated so it clogged up the toilet just like "pooping a brick" means you did a hard BM.
Then I heard my uncle tell his friend "Beth is literal."


When I was 18, my mom and I were going to Missoula and she was telling me how the men who put siding on our house did short cuts so that was why it came off from the strong wind.
I asked her how are they supposed to put siding on the house if they can't cut corners and my mother kept trying to explain to me how the job is supposed to be done. But I kept telling her they need to fit the siding on the house because they need to cut the corners off to get it to fit because of the roof. Then my mother realized I was taking it literal so she told me cutting corners means doing short cuts to get the job done faster. They didn't do it right because they did short cuts.

I like the "brick" one especially.

One thing my sister has never let me forget:
I can't quite remember why I looked at my sister but she said 'why are you making that face at me' and I said 'I don't know what my face is doing'. She found this hilarious and to this day she and her friend still repeat it. I find it kind of offensive because I pull faces that don't match my mood - Aspie thing right?

Another one that involves my sister: I wanted to keep a photograph of two of our friends, but she wouldn't let me. So I blurt out 'I took it!' Then my sister points to me in the background of the photo. She likes to bring that up too.

And talking about words we take literally: my mum would say to my sister and I 'you lot are driving me up the wall!' But I would wonder how I could get a car in the lounge room, let alone drive it, let alone drive it up the wall which seemed impossible.

This happened last years or so; There is a joke my Dad had been telling for years. I had always gotten the first part of it, but I never did the second part, so I always told him to stop telling that stupid joke. One day in the car, I just "got" it after he told me the joke. I looked straight at my Dad, who was driving, and told him I'd never gotten the second part until then. My Dad about ran off the road laughing.

My friend will never let me forge how shocked I was when I learned that when people ask "How are you?" that it isn't literal.

There are some but one just happened at christmas I know will be brought up every christmas for the rest of my life.


Dinner was at my cousin's fiance's house. His grandfather was there, really cool guy, 93 years old and healthier than most 60 year olds. They were talking about how healthy he was etc etc and he said "yep, someone up there is really looking out for me" and I replied "Tyler?" who is my cousin's little boy who I knew was upstairs at the time in his room playing some video game he got that morning at christmas. I thought it wierd why this guy was attributing his health to his 12 year old great grandson but of course the meaning didnt take hold until after I opened my mouth.

Complete aspie moment that I'm usually pretty good at avoiding these days that will be brought every christmas for many years to come =/.

Well, we could come in on Saturday morning and see Dad before he got up, bring him a cup of coffee and I guess have 'quality time'. I remember one morning he had had his coffee and brother bounced on the bed and then on his stomach. It was my turn but he got up and said he had to 'go see a man about a dog' and I got all excited that we were finally going to get our doggie! but all he did was go to the bathroom. I just knew it, though and was excited all day while my brother laughed and laughed at me, they all knew but thought it was funny. I didn't.

Back when ABC had their "Wide World of Sports" I loved the name of the motor race from Monaco and ran around the house yelling "the Grand Prix" "the Grand Prix." (only not the French prounciation) I was told it was prounced "Pre" but I didn't care ( I was 7) and I kept it up. . and finally my uncle took me into the bathroom and closed the door and told me what I was saying. Actually I didn't believe him and he got my father and my brother to tell me it was so. I was mortified, looking at the eyes of the males in my family. I was frozen with embarassment and ran into my bed to cry and hide. They were serious as hell with me, but once they all left you could hear them roaring with laughter in the other room at me being 'such a prude', "she's in there crying!"

I am still waiting for that dog, though. I was so sure!

Merle

When I was 19 I worked in my local pub for extra cash and was always getting teased for the daft things I said.
I remember saying to one customer that we had no brandy, but would cognac/courvoisier do
I also used to ask the customers how much head they would like, meaning on their pints. However they always took that another way

I could go on.... lol

From the age of 14, I was made responsible for doing my own laundry. I did not read the washing instructions on t-shirts or jeans or socks or underwear because I had been taught how those were supposed to be washed, but for anything else that needed to be washed, I would follow the instructions printed on the tag.

I was doing laundry last week, and my sister was waiting for her turn to use the washing machine.

I was telling my mom that I had several loads of laundry left to do, and she said "But you only have three shirts there." I was holding three button-down shirts.

I said "But it says on the tags 'Machine wash cold separately.'"

I didn't know that that was supposed to mean "Wash with like fabrics of like colors."

For the past 11 years or so, any time I have needed to wash button-down shirts, khaki pants, or any other clothing whose tag has had "machine wash separately" printed on it, I had been washing each item separately.

Over that period of time, I must have done dozens or hundreds of unnecessary loads of laundry.

I'm loving these.