I am a moron

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I ran away. I am currently is someone else's house usig their computer. My mom and I got into it over the dishes. I am not supposed to leave them in there past 9pm..the problem is it was only 7:30. Anyway, she was yellng and asking me impossible questions. "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do what you are told?"etc. After a few "I'm asking you a question!"'s I started saying "Because I'm ret*d" to everything. Needless to say that made the situation worse. Not only did she deny ever sayng that, but she grabbed my hair, put me on the floor and hit me in the face a few times. She pulled out my hair and ripped my band shirt(band shirts are sacred to me...). Anyway, I am an idiot for leaving. I my mind, at the moment, it seemed like such a good idea. Give her time to cool off. But now that I have had a bit to think I know that he will only be angrier and is likely throwing all of my things into the garbage as I type this.

Your not a moron and your most defiantly not an idiot or a ret*d, what your mother did was horrible. What she did was emotional and physical abuse you made the right choice leaving.

you had to stop the situation, and if your mother couldn't then you had to. I have found a little apology can go a long way especially if she is worried about where you are.

good luck, raising parents is hard work.

Well, I almost called CPS on MY mother. I was actually dialing the phone. She talked me out of it by basically saying I could end up WORSE off. If I was understood better and had more simple preferences, and a friend whose address I knew, I probably would have done what you did.

It is a pity kids can't pick their parents.

Do you have relatives to stay with?

My parents would say "finish the dishes by 10", and if it was 8:00 and I knew I could do it in half an hour I'd wait until 9:30; but they saw it as disobedience if I didn't start at 8. Was that what happened?

Anyway, yeah... This sounds like a bad situation all around. You need to find yourself somebody you can stay with for a while. She won't calm down in just one day. If you can get her to go to counseling and/or parenting classes... Because it seems like right now you're just aggravating each other past the point at which either good parenting or being a good daughter is possible.

Anyway, you made an impulsive decision; but I wouldn't call it a stupid one. Something had to give eventually.

Call CPS if you can. Find someone to stay with for a while, and start new. You aren't an idiot for running away. Lot's of smart kids have ran away.

people make mistakes,everything will calm down and go back to normal with a bit of time.
when are not as bad about what happened,maybe write her a letter.

if this happens a lot long term,it may be better to live somewhere else-whether with other relative,childrens home if still come under child age,on own if able or some form of supported living.

am run off quite often,and had ran off the day before yesterday most recently because of a change in nigt staff,but police instantly come out and get am due to being lfa,only ever go to the same place and theyve now got that on record,but everything goes back to normal once original problem has been recovered from.

if lived away from family would not get the same sort of problem,and even family who have never liked self or never liked them can become nice when have moved away from them.

You should not be living with someone like that who shouts at you unreasonably, physically attacks you and damages your property.

You are not a moron and I probably would have done the same thing had I been in your position although I do not know your full situation.

Please get help before something serious happens. You should talk to your school counselor, if you're in school, or go to a mental health clinic if you are out of school. I'm not in school but I get counseling free. Don't delay! Start Monday! You need to find someone who can help you.

I've been verbal abused by a parent who is no longer alive. I know who that feels.
You need counseling to repair your damage self esteem. You are a worthwhile person that is brave and intelligent. You will do well in your life. Only, you can change this situation before it's too late.

I agree with what everyone else has said. Get help before it's too late. What your mother did was horrible and wrong and you are not an idiot. You need to get some help so the right people can become involved. It just cannot continue.

I just wanted to add that by leaving and not fanning the flames you behaved very maturely however the actions of your mother were like that of a two year old.

Maybe the relationship can be repaired, though; maybe she could find a place with a relative or a friend whose parents don't mind an extra person sleeping on the couch; and find somebody who can conduct peace talks. Maybe they could find a way to work together and she could eventually move back home. I wouldn't recommend the foster care system unless your life was in danger, because it's really a gamble whether you'll get anybody decent to stay with. (There's no guarantee that you'd be able to get that if you wanted it, either, because often times they will let abuse go really far before they do anything about it.) There's no doing anything about an actually sociopathic parent; but one who's immature and overwhelmed by parenting and hasn't got the emotional resources to stay level-headed and not insult or slap the kid--that kind of parent could learn what he needs and become non-abusive.

After I left home and my stepdad had no target for his anger, he must have switched to my sister; because she left home to live with my cousins when she was sixteen and I had been away for no more than half a year. She did rather well--went off to college, and almost graduated now. She is introverted NT and didn't seem to have that much trouble with the change; but she did end up having to talk to a counselor for a few months to resolve things. So IMO she was very smart to run away.

Hey KoR--I wouldn't call that "running away". It's the same thing I do when I go someplace and hide whenever things get overwhelming. If it works, don't feel bad about it.

Last edited by Callista on 10 Jan 2009, 12:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, I have no relatives that would be willin to take me at this point. Yes. the example you gave is pretty much what happened.

Heh. Parents have to learn to communicate a little more precisely. If they meant "done by nine" they should wait until nine.

I should add that that kind of thing happened with ME also! It is, sadly, NOT uncommon. My favorite examples are two I probably also said here, and one I think I only alluded to here.

1. I used to be VERY NEAT, and a PERFECTIONIST. One, of MANY, episodes that changed me was when my mother "cleaned up" my work area before I was done. I had to find everything, put it out again, and finish. And she STILL had the audacity to take credit for "cleaning up". Yeah right, like the comedies where the stupid jerk sweeps all the dust under a rug! The rub is that I was VERY organized, and each piece had a specific place. I had special cabinets to hold every little part. And resistors, to the average person, might look like a little piece of plastic on a wire, but the shape, colors, and writing mean a LOT. And capacitors may look the same but, again, may be VERY different. Of course, she didn't even necessarily make THOSE distinctions.

2. I once developed photo resist in the bathroom. I WAS going to clean up with soap and water, VERY easy. My mother opened up the door, and turned on the lights, even though I asked her not to. That, of course, exposed the etch resist so it changed from a watersoluable clear to a resistant purple. She wouldn't listen AT ALL, and INSISTED on trying for HOURS to scrub it and blamed ME. I went in and cleaned the rest up in seconds, because I had the special solvent I tried to tell her about.

3. One time she got VERY upset with me, and I don't know if I EVER knew why. She slapped me, called me stupid, etc... THAT was when I got the phonebook, and started calling CPS. When she asked me what I was doing, I told her, and she changed to saying it could be worse.

Of all the bullies I had(including the three that ganged up on me and smashed my head into metal lockers at school), she may have been the WORST! I HATE emotional torture. Still, it sounds like blackcat's mother is WORSE! AND, at least my mother ADMITS that she had it EASY! I was a good kid. TO THIS DAY, I don't have a prison record, and never did. I always paid ALL my debts. HECK, I paid one's that weren't even really mine.

She lost control. You needed to get out. That makes you very smart - staying could have meant a trip to the hospital. Setting one rule, and then blowing up because of a "secret" rule is nothing short of abuse. I am sure that you will hear "I didn't mean it" or "You made me do it because you didn't do the dishes" at a later point - this is classic abusive behaviour. Dishes are so not the issue, its control and who is showing who that they have it. I remember this being a power struggle in my house. I would eat when I got home, the same time as my sister and mother, and then go do my homework, hoping to get done so I could relax for a bit watching tv. Well, dad never even started eating before 7:30, and then would sit there for a freakin' hour. Then he would get mad because I wasn't "moving fast enough" to finish the dishes after he was done. Yet, my sister and mother were sitting elsewhere, enjoying their evening, they didn't have chores like that. One time I remember we were yelling back and forth, and something told me in the back of my mind that one more comment was "dangerous". So I stopped talking. He was so whipped up, though, he THOUGHT he heard me make another "smart" remark, and he came at me. He was literally beating me over the head - I yelled for help, but my mom didn't even bother come out and stop him. My sister finally heard and she made him stop, and I still think to this day, had she not come out, I probably would have ended up in the hospital or worse. After the fact mom said something lame like "you shouldn't hit her in the head". Okay, so the head is off limits, is it? Mom also had something else charming to say to me - "your father was NEVER like that before you kids came along". So, in her mind, I "MADE" him beat me, by the very fact I was born? Granted, that was the first time he ever lost control that badly but - and the important part of this is - the first time they lose control is the HARDEST. After that, hitting gets easier.

Sadly, I had no where to go either. Until I could leave home, I avoided my father as much as I could, tried to get things done before he could go off into one of his rants, and luckily I had a bedroom that I could hide in that had a tv, radio, and I often would eat in there as well. He never did apologize for his actions, come to think of it. Thankfully I went off to university and was away from him. Too bad I managed to marry an abuser after that- that is the thing, we get abused, and we think it is normal. It is not, its never okay to be abused. It took me a long time to figure that out, too.

I have to laugh. At work we were talking about aging parents, and how they need to be taken care of after a certain point. One of my co-workers actually asked me if I would quit the job I have, to move back to my hometown, to take care of my parents. As far as I am concerned, they are on their own. It is okay to visit them for very short periods, but it doesn't take my dad long before he starts acting like he did when I was at home, and I don't want to live out the end of their lives being abused because it is somehow my "duty" to take care them. Life is too short.