Forgetting to think about other people

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07 Feb 2009, 4:16 am

Sometimes I forget to think of someone. Like I get an idea in my head and think someone else with like it. But then I find out they don't.


EDIT: Using my wedding planning was a bad example since lot of women do that I was told.



Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 08 Feb 2009, 3:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

millie
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07 Feb 2009, 4:37 am

i really do think we can sometimes forget about other people in the manner you descirbe above, Spokane.
And other can assume we are selfish.....and i don'tbelive i am or you are..
we really do process things a bit differently and foreget to draw other people into the scenarios. we just do not think of it in the same way other more social beings do....



Eggman
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07 Feb 2009, 5:24 am

its far differnt to simply not think of others then to thinky of the world with an egocentric view..


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Shayne
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07 Feb 2009, 6:11 am

i wonder if he would have been ok with pink if he understood how you had your heart set on it and about the possibility that he didn't go with pink because he was expecting that you want his input in the sense of not just going with the things that you suggest.


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07 Feb 2009, 9:15 am

I always assume that people like the things that I like and I sometimes think people are lying when they say that don't like what I like. I can't imagine how someone can't like the things I do because I like them so much.

I said like too many times. :lol:


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Acacia
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07 Feb 2009, 9:47 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Like I get an idea in my head and think my boyfriend would like it too because I like it.

I think this is the essence of what you're saying... assuming that others think the way you do.
This seems to be quite a pervasive quality of AS, and most other people see it as selfishness.
But it really comes down to our neurological inability to "put yourself in someone else's shoes."

We have a difficult time reading and interpreting the thoughts and feelings of others. As a result, in our attempts to deal with people, we fall back on the only set of thoughts and feelings we know... our own. We externalize our minds on the rest of the world and assume that other people come to similar conclusions that we do. We're not trying to be self-centered or controlling... We do this because it is one of the ways that we are able to make sense of the world.

In your case, you were not being insensitive to your boyfriend. It's not like you were not thinking about him. It just simply did not occur to you that he would prefer something other than pink. I think that this "not-occurring" is the stereotypical aspie "lack of empathy" that causes so many problems with people.

I'm sorry that it was a disappointment for you, but I'm glad that you guys were able to talk about it and at least come to some kind of compromise on the issue.


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RoisinDubh
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07 Feb 2009, 10:52 am

While I HAVE come to realise most people don't think like I do, and not everyone has the same interests, I have a REALLY hard time comprehending WHY. Certain things are just TOO interesting for anyone else to find them boring, and, well, when it comes to opinions, I AM always right! :lol:



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07 Feb 2009, 11:02 am

I do things like this sometimes.



sbcmetroguy
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07 Feb 2009, 12:08 pm

Pink is common for weddings. Besides, I just sat back and let my wife have fun planning ours. It was her day after all, I didn't really care about all those little details.



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07 Feb 2009, 12:17 pm

Sometimes I'd forget to think about others, but then I'd get yelled at for being inconsiderate & selfish. When that happens, I go to the complete opposite end of the spectrum and get paranoid about even thinking of doing something without asking.



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07 Feb 2009, 12:39 pm

My friend was too busy with work to plan a party for her son's first birthday. So, I planned everything without asking for any of her input. So, the day before the party she blew up at me and cried.



millie
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07 Feb 2009, 1:38 pm

Quote:
Acacia wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
Like I get an idea in my head and think my boyfriend would like it too because I like it.

I think this is the essence of what you're saying... assuming that others think the way you do.
This seems to be quite a pervasive quality of AS, and most other people see it as selfishness.
But it really comes down to our neurological inability to "put yourself in someone else's shoes."

We have a difficult time reading and interpreting the thoughts and feelings of others. As a result, in our attempts to deal with people, we fall back on the only set of thoughts and feelings we know... our own. We externalize our minds on the rest of the world and assume that other people come to similar conclusions that we do. We're not trying to be self-centered or controlling... We do this because it is one of the ways that we are able to make sense of the world.

In your case, you were not being insensitive to your boyfriend. It's not like you were not thinking about him. It just simply did not occur to you that he would prefer something other than pink. I think that this "not-occurring" is the stereotypical aspie "lack of empathy" that causes so many problems with people.

I'm sorry that it was a disappointment for you, but I'm glad that you guys were able to talk about it and at least come to some kind of compromise on the issue.


i agree with acacia's summation



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07 Feb 2009, 2:14 pm

I always try to consider the feelings of others, but other people don't always take my feelings into consideration.



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07 Feb 2009, 6:22 pm

Great post Acacia, I think that´s really "spot on". I couldn´t have said it better- so I won´t. :lol:


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07 Feb 2009, 10:02 pm

RoisinDubh wrote:
While I HAVE come to realise most people don't think like I do, and not everyone has the same interests, I have a REALLY hard time comprehending WHY. Certain things are just TOO interesting for anyone else to find them boring, and, well, when it comes to opinions, I AM always right! :lol:


This describes me most of the time. There are certain things that I can't understand how someone could possibly dislike it. I've even been known to explain logically why something is interesting and why the person is wrong for not agreeing.



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07 Feb 2009, 10:06 pm

I think it definitely can be an Aspie trait to not "think outside yourself", though in the case you described I think you'll find millions of other women have been in the exact same position! I think most women get ideas for their wedding that they think are wonderful, and are shocked when their future hubby does not agree!!