Why NT acquaintances like to do small talk

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Chickenbird
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13 Jan 2011, 7:26 pm

It gives them something to do while they make eye contact and
get seen by each other. The talk isn't the important part, which
is why accurate answers aren't necessary :)

Wow, 47 years of work went into that one.......



Verdandi
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13 Jan 2011, 7:38 pm

This psych dude I know said it was a form of mutual acknowledgment, to show they're friendly/harmless.



Mindslave
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13 Jan 2011, 8:01 pm

I'm not sure what the difference is between small talk and big talk. I just know about talk. How big does talk have to be before it is no longer small? Talking is just a way to keep people busy, because we aren't sedentary creatures. People that sit around are depressed for a reason.



IvyMike
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13 Jan 2011, 8:23 pm

Verdandi wrote:
This psych dude I know said it was a form of mutual acknowledgment, to show they're friendly/harmless.


Interesting idea.



jamesongerbil
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13 Jan 2011, 10:26 pm

From my fiancee: "Small talk is like background noise. Interaction is the main focus. Small talk specifically is talking about general things that are shallow, such as the weather, bands, etc. It's meant to form loose social associations and social bonds." Also, "Seen as pleasant and polite, to show people you're not hostile and just sociable." (paraphrased.) He also said Chickenbird is mostly correct. Congrats! :) I guess while being seen, light social bonds are being formed. Small talk is like a catalyst, I suppose.



CockneyRebel
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13 Jan 2011, 10:43 pm

They want connect with us and keep it fresh.


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Philologos
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14 Jan 2011, 1:00 am

Compare monkeys grooming. I don't do grooming either - I have known people who do.



Chickenbird
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14 Jan 2011, 1:32 am

Philologos wrote:
Compare monkeys grooming. I don't do grooming either - I have known people who do.


I think it'd be nice. But sometimes things that look good, aren't. I know I love having my hair brushed - of course there's
no eye contact there.....



Hovis
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17 Jan 2011, 6:17 am

Verdandi wrote:
This psych dude I know said it was a form of mutual acknowledgment, to show they're friendly/harmless.


Isn't that runaway paranoia, really? I.e., assuming that everyone around them is hostile until they prove otherwise?

I just assume that everyone is harmless and going about their own business until they directly do something to make me think that they're not.



claudia
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17 Jan 2011, 9:09 am

jamesongerbil wrote:
From my fiancee: "Small talk is like background noise. Interaction is the main focus. Small talk specifically is talking about general things that are shallow, such as the weather, bands, etc. It's meant to form loose social associations and social bonds." Also, "Seen as pleasant and polite, to show people you're not hostile and just sociable." (paraphrased.) He also said Chickenbird is mostly correct. Congrats! :) I guess while being seen, light social bonds are being formed. Small talk is like a catalyst, I suppose.


I found small talk boring. It's the same for you (Auties/Aspies)?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Jan 2011, 9:17 am

Chickenbird wrote:
It gives them something to do while they make eye contact and
get seen by each other. The talk isn't the important part, which
is why accurate answers aren't necessary :)

Wow, 47 years of work went into that one.......

It seems like the content of the talk is important. I could sit there, nod and say "I know what you mean," to all small talk muttered in my direction if that were all that is required. People want more than that. Where I live, they require banter and if banter isn't there they feel ill at ease and don't want to hold a conversation. They will nod politely and then move away and talk to someone else. The more banter in the dialogue, the more time they spend talking with someone.
I can manage bantering online or over the phone. In person, I prefer to nod and say, "I know what you mean," to everything they say.