Unshared experiences

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23 Feb 2009, 10:45 pm

Ever had people upset at you for not having expirences that they had, or that are belived to be things that everyone goes through, or what ever group someone assignes you to?

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protest_the_hero
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24 Feb 2009, 12:01 am

Not feeling close to my family.
I'm sorry but I didn't choose my feelings or fam:{

tweety_fan
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24 Feb 2009, 5:18 am

no one has been upset with me for not having certain experiences.

Padium
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24 Feb 2009, 7:56 am

Never heard of such things........

AnnaLemma
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24 Feb 2009, 9:05 am

Yes. I was a pretty passive teenager, hung with the geek crowd, several of whom probably were aspies themselves. Very little peer-pressure-induced activities. For many years I've heard adults excusing adolescent behavior such as drunk driving, vandalism, theft, as "well, you all did stuff like that as a teenager, didn't you?! !" Well, no, it wouldn't have occurred to me to do that stuff. I've learned that that answer causes attention to be focused on me and why I'm such a self-righteous deviant. Not so much self-righteous as just not the environment I grew up in. Sorry it bothers them, but it is what it is. Not a shared experience.

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24 Feb 2009, 11:03 am

AnnaLemma wrote:

For many years I've heard adults excusing adolescent behavior such as drunk driving, vandalism, theft, as "well, you all did stuff like that as a teenager, didn't you?! !" Well, no, it wouldn't have occurred to me to do that stuff.

Thats like me too, although I'm not sure that anyone has ever shown real upset with me. Sometimes there have been people who have resented me for some unknown reason. Maybe this is linked? Reminds me of a scene in "Falllng Down" where someone says, indignantly, to the old man retiring, words to the effect: "there's something suspicious about you, you don't drink, or swear, or ogle the ladies like the regular guys do".

I feel it more the other way, that when I find my experience isn't shared with those around me, I feel quite upset about it myself. I blame myself for being too introverted, too cautious or whatever for not having done all those 'fun' things the others are laughing about. Can't reinvent the past and I'm getting way to old to have a teen rebellion now!

This is one of the social experiences I really try and avoid because when it happens, it feels like there is a divide between me and the rest of the race with me on one side and everybody else on the other. It's why I avoid normal people as much as possible, because of the lack of shared experience made even worse when it seems everybody else has shared it.

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Acacia
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24 Feb 2009, 11:13 am

Eggman wrote:

Ever had people upset at you for not having expirences that they had, or that are belived to be things that everyone goes through?

Yes I have.
People have told me that I led a painfully sheltered, naive, isolated, oblivious life... and that I am socially deficient for not having had a number of key experiences... mostly events that are seen as being typical of adolescence.

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ThatRedHairedGrrl
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24 Feb 2009, 11:20 am

protest_the_hero wrote:

Not feeling close to my family.
I'm sorry but I didn't choose my feelings or fam:{

Ditto. Specifically, as a girl, not feeling close to my mother or that she was my 'best friend' or anything. If she wasn't a relative, I honestly wouldn't have wanted to know her.

People, especially women, who are and were close to their mothers absolutely don't 'get' this. They assume that it's always a very special bond, but it simply ain't so. (And, worse, when you tell them different, they then generally assume that it must have been your fault for 'not being a good enough daughter'. The myth that just pushing a baby out makes you some sort of saint is too prevalent in our society.)

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24 Feb 2009, 12:00 pm

ThatRedHairedGrrl wrote:

The myth that just pushing a baby out makes you some sort of saint is too prevalent in our society.)

The courts show that when parents get divorced... If the mother wants the children, she will get them, as the mother is "better" for the children than the father... However, if the father gets the children, it is assumed the mother was a very bad person... If the mother gets the children, it is assumed that the divorce was normal. It is always assumed that the man in a relationship is the cause of divorce, because women are too perfect in society's eyes... Well I got news for them then, this next generation of women are less capable then the men of that same generation to be parents, as in a common clasroom at a normal school, more grade 8 male students were interested in home ec skills and raising a family than the girls were... The girls were very ditzy and wanting to just giggle, and asked what they wanted to do in life, and they said things like "have a boyfriend that will do everything for me" and "do I have to do something with my life?" Those males don't seem like the divorce causing type to me. My peers at that age, the males just talked about getting plastered and high, and the girls were more mature, save the one that ran off with her pedophile boyfriend.

ForsakenEagle
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24 Feb 2009, 12:09 pm

Padium wrote:

ThatRedHairedGrrl wrote:

The myth that just pushing a baby out makes you some sort of saint is too prevalent in our society.)

I watched one of those court shows (rare because I think they are lame), and this one man was trying to leave his cheating wife. She starts crying, and he gives her another chance. He should have just left for a more faithful woman. There are plenty out there. BTW, they didn't have any children, so that was not a factor.

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24 Feb 2009, 12:17 pm

ForsakenEagle wrote:

Padium wrote:

ThatRedHairedGrrl wrote:

The myth that just pushing a baby out makes you some sort of saint is too prevalent in our society.)

I wasn't talking about courts on tv, that's just as fake as wwe to me, //i was talking about court statistics showing this trend.

ForsakenEagle
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24 Feb 2009, 2:08 pm

Padium wrote:

ForsakenEagle wrote:

Padium wrote:

ThatRedHairedGrrl wrote:

The myth that just pushing a baby out makes you some sort of saint is too prevalent in our society.)

I wasn't talking about courts on tv, that's just as fake as wwe to me, //i was talking about court statistics showing this trend.

That is why reality TV is technically an oxymoron. How can a group of people act normally when they are very aware of the cameras following them everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if they have scripts to make it seem more "real."

*shot for going off topic*

BTW, I agree with your original response about the divorce courts.

Greentea
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25 Feb 2009, 12:31 am

If you didn't have those experiences, you're a person that doesn't give in to group-think, therefore you're suspicious. It's not the being different that's the problem with NTs, it's the being a threat to society as we know it.

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Eggman
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25 Feb 2009, 12:42 am

Greentea wrote:

how am I a threat if I dont share expeierences?

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Greentea
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25 Feb 2009, 12:53 am

I said, you don't give in to group-think.

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Eggman
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25 Feb 2009, 12:56 am

and how does that destroy society?

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