How do I get my Mum to understand AS?

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Its almost 3 years since I got diagnosed with AS.

My Mum still forces me to go to noisy, overstimulating places even though clearly the overstimulation makes me very upset.
She gets angry when I wear loose/baggy clothing, and doesn't accept that tight clothing makes me feel very uncomfortable because I don't like things that are too close to my skin.
She makes fun at me when I get confused in social situations, and tells me that I am incompetent.

And many other things...I've tried reminding her that I have AS and these things are harder for me, but she doesn't accept it as an answer.

Or should I just "get a life" as they say?

If she doesn't accept AS as an answer, she probably wouldn't listen if you tried to educate her. However, you can try the "leave books and articles around the house" strategy, which is indirect and not as intrusive as the "lecture until they either get it or smack you upside the head" strategy.

It seems like she's pretty clueless--you're attempting to manage your sensory overload (and very sensibly, might I add), and she thinks it's a sign of weakness. What's wrong with baggy clothing, anyway? Would she rather you wore things that were so tight they left nothing to the imagination?

Every time she tells you you are incompetent, tell yourself about a dozen times that you are not incompetent. Otherwise it will start to feel like she's right, just because you've heard it so many times, even though it's obviously not true. If she had the social confusion the average Aspie has, I don't think she'd cope as well as you probably do.

You have an advantage, actually: You accept, attempt to understand, and work out solutions for your AS traits. Many people, especially the ones that go undiagnosed and get told they're lazy/stupid/crazy/etc., tend to try either denying they're different or assuming they're just not working hard enough! Bad idea, of course. Better to identify, understand, and work with your AS.

Some parents go into denial--"my child isn't defective!"--and then try to force their kids to be normal... for those parents the trick is to somehow get it across to them that disability doesn't make somebody defective, nor is it weakness to take it into account and work with it.

How old are you? Have you got a decent chance of moving out anytime soon?

Encourage her to go to the parents forum here. Half of us there are NT and should be able to "speak her language." Sometimes an adult has to hear it from another adult.

JOIN THE CLUB! I am over TWICE your age and, TO THIS DAY, my mother treats me like those problems don't exist. She even STILL remembers me as a little kid trying to explain my skewed senses! That was BEFORE the idea of HFA or AS.

HECK, let me tell you about something that happened only a little bit more than an hour ago. There is a person that works where I work, and I drive her to/from work. Today, like she has done for a few days, she removed her seatbelt a minute or so before I stopped my car. That would normally have NOT bothered me, but this car has an alarm that goes off then. That MORON mentioned, at one point, "That's annoying...". I felt like screaming at her that it was many times more annoying to me! It is almost like the effort that I normally use to get 1' precision now gives 4' precision. That is the difference between parking easily, or possibly totalling a car! LUCKILY, I can push harder and get more precision, but what can I do? If this were a carpool, and/or I weren't responsible, I would just not drive her!

Thank you very much for these replies.

I am 19 years old and I still live with my Mum because I cannot look after myself very well.

I will be staying in halls in Cambridge Uni starting this October...I am looking forward to it because the people at uni understand me better than my Mum!

My Dad understands me much better but my parents are divorcing, so my Mum doesn't allow me to talk to my Dad. I have to talk to my Dad in secret and its very hard.

On top of AS, I have paranoid schizophrenia...I take meds but they don't help 100%. Sometimes when the Voices are bad and I tell her, she gets angry with me! She tells me to "stop being silly" when I tell her about my paranoias as well.

Sigh.

Yeah, that's not going to help much. Those feelings are 100% real to you and it sure as heck isn't silly.

OK, so let's see... you're going to uni soon, so you're going to have to be relatively self-sufficient... which skills are you missing? Two possible solutions here: Either learn them; or have someone do those activities for you. (Obviously.) Are you going to disclose to your university? They might have a disability-assistance department; and if they do, they might be able to hook you up with someone who can teach you whatever you need to know, or else hire somebody to do it for you. Until then you could bug your therapist or counselor or psychiatrist about getting you referred to somebody who has experience helping people with transitioning out of their parents' houses. Just leaving without knowing how you're going to take care of yourself is a recipe for having to go back. You don't want to do that if you don't have to.

The point is to be as independent from your parents as you possibly can be--because depending on somebody who thinks you are "silly" and doesn't take your AS seriously is probably not going to be beneficial in the long run. If you can find your own resources you can probably break away from your parents altogether, which is what I recommend...

Maybe she should talk to someone who knows about situations like ours and how to handle them. It's best not to make you go places unless you absolutely have to and not be condescending but to show respect.

That is horrendous that she does not listen to you or try and understand, first its vital your supported by your parents and if your mother will not listen maybe ask your doctor or a profession to speak for you to her, maybe she will take note then. Also try sending her emails about what your telling us, as sometimes its hard for us to express ourselves and so others do not listen, written words I find myself are a better way to communicate at times. When the school for my now teenager on the autism spectrum like myself would not listen, as when we voice things people can easy dismiss, and only see from their point of view, so have found school etc... take more note if really explain and put in writing.

But no surprise some of us get a little paranoid I use to when younger as everything I seem to do and say was questioned. Hopefully at Uni your get the support you deserve...

I bet MOST 19 year olds still stay at home! In the US, and I believe the UK is the same, they have to take care of you until 18. Most jobs you are allowed to do won't allow you to live a decent lifestyle. So don't feel like you have to explain, etc...

It sounds like October can't come soon enough.