Have people Invalidated your diagnosis (your experiences).

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[b]Some people have invalidated my diagnosis....my life....me............

One person said they were tired of being "played"...........well that person does not know me........and will never
know me................and I don't care if they think they know me..........they don't..........I don't care anymore.


Some people try to tell you who you are............and they don't listen or read your poems or care...........but they think
they know you...........but they don't know and they will never know.


Emily (Donna) pet person.

My dad has always thought I was "normal." Just this week, he asked why I just can't go out and land a $50,000 a year professional job. He doesn't understand my AS.

I have to get my aunt to complete my Functional Assessment coming up, because only she remembers the extremity of my social avoidance and social inappropriateness.

It's hard that my dad invalidates me, but he is in severe DENIAL.

I also used to be invalidated by professionals. My first two assessments came back AS negative. The following 5 have showed AS positive. I had to give more information, get others to give information, etc. and now everyone is in consensus. But, it hurt to be invalidated.

poems?

dont use poems to tell people who you are.
in the real world NOBODY will sit down and analize a poem, to know you better.
nobody.
it never ever happens

I never knew that people don't get to know you through poems. I just assumed they would understand; my lack
of empathy, assuming people see what I see.


But it hurts....not being understood....wanting to be seen and heard...........not invalidated, brushed aside, brushed off.

It is hard to know who is on your side. People smile but it doesn't mean they like you. People say things but it doesn't mean
they believe what they say. People tell me who I am....many people do.........instead of finding out who I am.

I resent being told who I am or being shamed because I have difficulty with certain things....like finding my car, like reading
body language, like violating social norms..................

You know what is really scary.....to find out that the person you thought might be the one who understands, who really
understands, or who could atleast be capable of understanding.................to find out they don't understand and that they are not even on your side.

Not everyone can appreciate the value of poems. I do. Thanks for sharing yours!

Yes.

But I've found that people tend to treat me with more respect, in a friendlier way and on a more "even footing" if I don't mention it. If I do mention it or other people know by some other means, I notice that they tend to slow down their speech and act overly fearful/protective towards me. This is unnecessary because I can understand a lot of what people say verbally, probably more than the average person. Other people's reactions to my labeling haven't been helpful or productive at all. There seems to be more social cost to having a label than denying or ditching it.

I'd rather that people were in denial than I lost any more friends.

I am me.

I'm starting to realise that the truth is incredibly complicated.

yes. your lack of empathy, leading to logical analysis of others. you expect the same logical analysis back, since you dont get it, you try to leave clear hints in your poetry, for them to pick up.

it doesnt work, cus they are not trying to analyze. they only see you trying to impress them w litterature, and it stops at that.

in my case, i let people just consider me a mystery. dont work yourself up over it. just be yourself, awkward if necesary, but make it you. dont feel like a malfunction.

(that was MY analysis )

This is why I don't tell very many people that I have AS. Since I don't have a diagnosis yet, I'm sure people will think that I'm just making it up.

This happens with my rheumatism -- until people spend a lot of time with me and see the difficulties I have because of it, they don't believe I have it.

Then, of course, there is the denial factor -- there was one person who saw on a regular basis how much my rheumatism affected me, but because it didn't fit in with his image of me he just decided I didn't have it.

That makes sense....just be yourself.....be a mystery......I like that.

And I am glad that some people like poems too......don't let your dad get to you..........I use to let so many people get to
me, like my sister who shamed me for not having more friends......it is about acceptance. We can accept ourselves
even if some people don't!! !

i dont like giving life-advices (since my life is a pile of dung - that is, by societies standards. myself, i could use a penny or two, but otherwise im happy. )
but your getting the idea, accept yourself as you are. you ARE different, you cannot be fixed, so... whats the use of crying about it? you cant change everyone around you, so, woosh, thats one more potential problem that has no solution, and therefore is not a problem.

this does take time, and it took me ages, and im still not diagnosed (next week hopefully!!), that is im close to 30, i dunno how old you are, but i assume much younger. get used to the thought, and cherish the benefits of what you are: more observant, more analytical, better memory and eye for details

people will always invalidate and stuff, but consider this: they invalidate each others too, all the time. "normal" non aspies are bullied into suicide and whatnot, its just how the world works. if your safe and sound, just make the best of yourself.

I am getting better at not allowing people to tell me who I am...and I am about the same age, not younger.....but I feel younger....people think I am younger.....

People use to tell me (still do sometimes) who I am:
"you are mad"
"you are passive"
"you are the type....." blaaa, blaaa, blaaa


I used this one technique that stopped one woman. She was lecturing me and I said, "Blaaa, Blaaa, Blaaa" and she looked surprised and stopped.

Even though I have mild social deficits, nobody's ever invalidated my AS diagnosis. I think it's because, if the person knows anything about AS, they see it in me, due to my strong trait of rambling about special interests. It's different for my OCD diagnosis, though. I've had many people admit that they were skeptical of that diagnosis, because I'm a pure obsessional, and thus, don't show overt, "classic" OCD symptoms. These people are ones who think that OCD is stereotypical handwashing and wanting things "perfect" and "neat," so that's why they didn't believe me.
-OddDuckNash99-

Why not, if she needs to convey what what she's thinking, and its better then shouting or screaming.
I wish I could say how I am feeling as well as Emilie .

Last edited by spudnik on 15 Mar 2009, 11:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

i think the feeling/looking/acting younger thing is pretty common around here :]

im a guy, its harder for a guy growing up looking so young. when i was 15, and all the other kids had this pimply growing-up-to-be-a-man look i still looked like a chubby little overgrown toddler.
i hated it.

now i just look bizarre, like a huge toddler, with beard stubs

at least you will maintain a youthfull face, way after everyone else are turning into wrinkly old hags

When I told my best friend that I was going to be evaluated for AS she said "Why"? Apparently she has not really noticed ME. She's also in denial of her son's diagnosis on the spectrum (the school did the testing). Poor kid, right now he's just in first grade but the problems are so apparent. She also invalidated the problems I've been having with anxiety. When I have panic attacks I have extreme mushy brain feeling and fatigue for the next 24-36 hours and she does not try to understand. One of the worst things people can ever do to me is invalidate my feelings/problems, to me it's the ultimate betrayal.

As for invalidation of my AS I've had a few interesting comments on my character traits before and after the AS label and statement was allegedly "removed":

Before
Self-centered
Selfish
Shy and unresponsive
Easily distracted
Repeats things incessantly
Drones on about obscure topics
Daydreams


After
Delightfully self aware
Self-motivated
A great listener: quiet and pays attention
Good (scientific/artistic) observation skills
Excellent recall and memorisation skills
Great presentation skills
An imaginative problem solver


Notice that my personality traits haven't changed, only people's perception of my behaviour.

My behaviour viewed through "specialist AS identifying spectacles" seemed to be symptomatic of a frightening "syndrome" with negative characteristics to other people.

When my behaviour was viewed through "this is an individual student spectacles", the positive characteristics of my behaviour were emphasised.

My underlying personality hadn't changed though!

I don't know whether that's really an invalidation of the initial AS assessment or not!

Some people have said or implied that I couldn't possibly be AS because I was such a capable person. I can't help but wonder though...