I still feel guilty

Post Reply New Topic

This happened over seven months ago. Online I was having an argument with another person with AS and out of nowhere this other woman thought I was bullying and attacked me. She accused me of trying to make the other feel bad about herself and denied that I also had AS. I've felt guilty about ever starting that argument ever since. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Stupid lady for saying you don't have AS. That's pathetic. We're all human beings, acting like we are angels and we wouldn't hurt a fly.


This must have been in a chat room or on a forum.

That lady should not have said that you don't have AS, she can't say that without proving it. I'm sorry to hear you still feel guilty about it.

Oh, is it the "oh no, was I accidently offending/ hurting someone and I totally didn't mean to and now I feel horrible and can't forget it" thing?
I feel horrible for a long time when someone calls me on something like that.

It's called a conscience....

Something that seems to be lost on a lot of people today....

Well, yeah, but having a conscience only goes so far because your conscience has to be selective enough not to trigger on honest mistakes and mess-ups, which is what the OP's situation was.

If you feel totally guilty about every mistake, then you're probably being bothered by false guilt.

The function of guilt is to kick in when you've done something wrong, stick around until you fix it and figure out why you did it and institute some measures that'll help you not do it again; and then to go away. If it doesn't go away, or if it starts up when you haven't done anything actually wrong, then you've got an over-active conscience.

Best cure: Tell yourself, "I'm feeling guilty over something I shouldn't be feeling guilty about. It was an honest mistake, and I can apologize, make a note of it in my list of "things not to do", and go on."

Of course this takes repeated applications before it starts to work.

I used to have this problem but I've learned to brush it off. I just have to keep telling myself and reassuring. Like the time when my ex made me feel guilty about breaking a "deal" we had. I never made any deal with him but he thought we had and we had made plans about our trip to Portland when I thought we were just speaking our minds and what if I brought him along. But I didn't know he actually thought he was going so he went online told his two friends who live in Salem OR and told him he was coming to Portland and they were going to come up and meet him. They must have made plans together and I ruined them. Well anyway he did tell me I didn't have to bring him so I thought about it and decided not to because he didn't have any money and I wasn't going to spend my money on keeping him fed and using my gas to get him and bringing him home again. So that's how I got over my guilt. I never made a deal with him, he did tell me I didn't have to bring him, he was stupid for saying that and then expecting me to bring him and thinking he was coming.

I am not sure why he said I didn't have to bring him and then thought he was coming.

I have thought of these possible reasons:

He was kidding (as always when we were together)
It was one of those things people do when they tell you something and they want you to do the opposite and I took it literal
He didn't remember he said it


He said it was all a misunderstanding afterwards. Being on here has helped what could have happened in that situation. Before, I only had two possibilities and then added the middle possibility after being on here when I learned about the double meanings people do and when they say things and want you to do the opposite. Now I don't know when I am supposed to do the opposite.

Thanks for your replies. I do tend to think about some mistakes, but I learned to not let them bottle up inside. I do keep a list of things not to do and write down every problem I'm faced with, and I talk about them to close friends, and all that helps a lot so I don't have to worry anymore.