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Age1600
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01 Apr 2009, 5:42 pm

this may sound weird, but i just cant understand if something is breathing or fake, i cant understand sometimes if i step in the street ill get hit, i cant understand if i hurt somebody that their a real person with a heart beat, i know bad isnt it :oops: . one of our doctors told us it was due to my cognitive impairment, idk if thats true, or what. does anybody else have problems understanding reality?


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01 Apr 2009, 5:58 pm

When I was little other people were objects to me. I was six when my mother told me other kids have feelings too. I didn't even know what feelings were back then. I did know crying meant someone was hurt because I cried when I was hurt. But I had no intention of knowing things I would do to them would hurt them. Like I wouldn't know if I push someone, they can get hurt too and start to cry. I remember being surprised how someone else can have the same reaction I have. My thoughts were always "She cries too" "he cries too" "Oh that hurts him too." I had no intention of knowing everyone cries, everyone has feelings, everyone gets hurt, etc.

So even at eight years old I was still doing things to people and not understanding why they were all yelling at me to stop. My mother always had to do things back to me to show me how it feels because punishments didn't work on me. She would give me a taste of my own medicine and then send me to my room so I would actually learn after she showed me how it felt to other kids. That's a way to teach aspie kids. Give them a taste of their own medicine and keep doing them to them every time so they will stop because they won't want it done to them.


I know now everyone has feelings and everyone gets hurt and everyone cries. Every human being is alive and has feelings and so do animals. They are not moving objects that talk and do things. I even had to learn to listen. If someone tells me to stop, I stop, even if I don't understand why they don't like it or why it's annoying to them but it isn't for me. Everyone has different feelings. As a kid I just thought they were weird and I would keep on doing it. No wonder kids thought I was rude and mean and I thought they were all mean to me because they didn't want me around and I couldn't understand what I did wrong. My mother used to tell me if I wanted people to like me, stop doing this and that or else they would think I'm weird and not want me around. I just felt awful.



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01 Apr 2009, 6:15 pm

for me it was kinda the opposite... i always felt bad killing killing people in certain videogames. i know its wierd.



Fnord
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01 Apr 2009, 6:24 pm

^ Me too. I've mostly gotten over killing video-game "people" - even my own character - but when Lara Croft slips from a building or cliff, and hits the ground like a rag-doll with a sickening crunch, I have to shut the game off and go watch something less violent ... like the evening news ...


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Cermit
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01 Apr 2009, 6:27 pm

Fnord wrote:
^ Me too. I've mostly gotten over killing video-game "people" - even my own character. But when Lara Croft slips of a building or cliff, and hits the ground like a rag-doll with a sickening crunch, I have to shut the game off and go watch something less violent ... like the evening news ...


GTA kinda numbed the feeling tho haha. seeing copies of "people" in videogames also helped.



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01 Apr 2009, 8:34 pm

i only dont understand reality when my mental health is going down hill. otherwise im too occupied with my intrests


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ZakFiend
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01 Apr 2009, 9:29 pm

Age1600 wrote:
this may sound weird, but i just cant understand if something is breathing or fake, i cant understand sometimes if i step in the street ill get hit, i cant understand if i hurt somebody that their a real person with a heart beat, i know bad isnt it :oops: . one of our doctors told us it was due to my cognitive impairment, idk if thats true, or what. does anybody else have problems understanding reality?


Truth be told taking my own insight into AS as a guide, their seems to be functions missing / disabled / memory issues in people with different neurological wiring.

Thel problem is the blocking and lack of feedback from internal systems (i.e. like an attention system that controls what kinds of information gets into your perception and prediction systems).

So say if you were not aware if you stepped into the street you'd get hit by a car, your mind hasn't shoved that information into the part of the brain that deals with predicting future outcomes (reduced perception), so it never triggers your self preservation mechanisms.

To me it just sounds like a kind of awareness of enviroment mind blindness, where the memory systems aren't co-ordinated or working together, and reality can seem "unreal".

I imagine it like a bubble around the kinds of information in our enviroment that gets blocked out, or like a circuit who's sub circuits are not be active all at once when they need to be.



Danielismyname
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01 Apr 2009, 9:32 pm

People don't feel real to me; they're as important as a blade of grass to me, and a blade of grass doesn't feel real either. It's nothing.

I developed past the point where you are in regards to cause and effect, i.e., crossing a road without looking can equate to a car hitting you, which in-turn equates to hospital in the least, and I hate hospitals.

With people, it's more due to empathy/theory of mind, but with cause and effect regarding you, that's cognitive development.



buryuntime
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01 Apr 2009, 9:40 pm

sometimes I'll think: Wow, the person next to be has a heart and it's beating and they're breathing with their lungs and their thinking about things and problems that are their own and I do not know any of them.

It's a crazy concept. Overwhelming one anyway.



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01 Apr 2009, 9:43 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
My mother always had to do things back to me to show me how it feels because punishments didn't work on me. She would give me a taste of my own medicine and then send me to my room so I would actually learn after she showed me how it felt to other kids. That's a way to teach aspie kids. Give them a taste of their own medicine and keep doing them to them every time so they will stop because they won't want it done to them.

Sorry for staying a little bit off-topic for posting this, but I must say that I wish my family had treated me this way. My dad was GREAT at discipline (and I still think he's a great dad), but I grew up with my grandparents and neither of them ever harmed me even if I hurt either of them. The worst would have been that my grandpa raised his voice, but you couldn't imagine the things I got away with when I hurt my grandma.

I so wish my grandparents at least hurt me physically so I could learn. I know now not to hurt my family (my personal reasoning is simply because it isn't "socially acceptable" ... plus, I'm over 18 now and I'd rather avoid jail), and I don't hurt my friends or peers. But I'm still unable to understand the whole "feelings" thing -- even though I have been in horrible, desperate pain before. Anyway, Spokane_Girl, I think the method your mother did was reasonable, especially if it taught you your lesson.

I'm even kinda jealous.

@ Age1600: Regarding the "i cant understand sometimes if i step in the street ill get hit" idea, I wonder what you mean? Only because I tend to walk toward the middle of the street, instead of closer to the edges, e.g., when I'm walking to a store or in a parking lot. Of course, I look around myself first to check for cars, and when I don't see any then I don't think about veering off toward the middle; it just happens. When there are cars, I would get a little closer to the edge; after all, part of driving is to let pedestrians go first. Even when there aren't cars, my friends would call out, "Get out of the street," or "stop walking in the middle of the road!" My usual response would be, "But there aren't any cars around," and they still think I'm crazy...

Anyway -- Do you care if there are cars around? Do you look or listen for them? How often do you walk in the middle of the road -- is there a sidewalk? Has a car ever been close to hitting you before? Are the people you know usually worried about getting ran over? You don't have to answer all (or any) of these questions, but I'm curious.



01 Apr 2009, 10:05 pm

My mother always taught me to look both ways because I used to just run out in the middle of the street or road like lot of typical kids do when they are little. They don't understand the concept of "getting hit by a car." They don't know it will kill them or seriously hurt them such as leave them in a wheelchair, they picture hit as hitting someone so they might be picturing a car slapping them or bumping into them like people do when they bump into them and they are okay.



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01 Apr 2009, 10:15 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
... like lot of typical kids do when they are little. They don't understand the concept of "getting hit by a car." They don't know it will kill them or seriously hurt them ...

Spokane_Girl, the visualization you described sounds accurate enough, because of being literal. Even so, for me, it's not that I don't understand the gruesome nightmare (or fatality) of getting ran over by a car, but it's that I don't understand the fear of it. I don't have a reason to be scared, and I don't see why anyone else does, either.



Fnord
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01 Apr 2009, 10:20 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
My mother always taught me to look both ways because I used to just run out in the middle of the street or road like lot of typical kids do when they are little. They don't understand the concept of "getting hit by a car." They don't know it will kill them or seriously hurt them such as leave them in a wheelchair, they picture hit as hitting someone so they might be picturing a car slapping them or bumping into them like people do when they bump into them and they are okay.

When my boys were old enough to carry on a conversation, I started pointing out the grease spots in the parking lot.

"Do you know what that is?" :?

"No, daddy. Whassit?" :D

"That's all that's left of a little boy who didn't hold his daddy's hand in the parking lot." :o

After that, the kid dang near broke my fingers from holding on so tight. 8O


No, I never won a "Father Of The Year" award, either. But at least my kids are all still alive.


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01 Apr 2009, 10:29 pm

Age1600 wrote:
this may sound weird, but i just cant understand if something is breathing or fake, i cant understand sometimes if i step in the street ill get hit, i cant understand if i hurt somebody that their a real person with a heart beat, i know bad isnt it :oops: . one of our doctors told us it was due to my cognitive impairment, idk if thats true, or what. does anybody else have problems understanding reality?

That kinda sounds like solipsism to me :P
Though I have to admit I tended to be that way, and probably still do, to some degree. I was like SG when I was a little kid, though I learned later, which probably from school peers at Kindergarden playing a great role in that, and sometimes it seemed I got too much of empathy.


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01 Apr 2009, 10:39 pm

My mother could never get me to understand so one day when I was in the car with her, a bug hit the windshield and went splat and she pointed to it and said "See Beth, look right here at this bug, this is what will happen to you when you get hit by a car. You get squashed like this bug" and my eyes went wide. I started to obey after that. :lol:

My mother told me that story. She said she had to learn how to be visual. She used the same method on my brothers. She said she only did that so I wouldn't feel different and think there was something wrong with me. She even said the same thing to my cousins too when they came out and visit. My mother was the kind of person who treated everyone the same. Things she did to me, she would do to my brothers too.