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Master_Shake
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15 Apr 2009, 7:41 am

It seems that recently there have been a fair number of movies featuring a male protagonist with Aspergers who falls in love; "Adam", "Mozart and the Whale", and "If You Could Say it in Words." In my opinion this gives those on the autistic spectrum false hope, as getting a girlfriend is not a realistic goal for most people on the spectrum. My counselor is always telling me I should get a girlfriend but I tell her it is unrealistic.

I like the portrayal of Sheldon on "The Big Bang Theory." He presumably has undiagnosed Aspergers although it is never stated that he does on the show. He does not chase after women and shows little interest in romantic relationships, yet he is portrayed with a kind humor that shows that although he is quirky he is a kind and interesting person deserving of respect.

So what do "y'all" think of the movies portraying Aspergers males in romantic relationships? Do they perpetuate false expectations?



MONKEY
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15 Apr 2009, 7:47 am

Well, I don't think it is impossible for someone with AS to find love but it's isn't too likely either. And I do think they're doing the same stuff all the time, maybe they should do a different story lines that more aspies can actually relate to.
Sheldon rocks btw


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zeichner
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15 Apr 2009, 8:13 am

Hollywood isn't about realism - so I don't know if you will ever find the answer there.

But it isn't unrealistic for an AS male to have a girlfriend. I had several throughout high school & college. Nevertheless I can't tell you exactly how it works (or I wouldn't be single right now.) :?

My last girlfriend asked ME out the first time (we were together for two years.) If that ever happens to you, say YES.

The girls that I've been involved with were either outsiders, like myself, or people who hung on the fringe - not necessarily outsiders, but people who like to be around outsiders (like, in community theater - Renaissance festival - that sort of thing.)

Best of luck!


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15 Apr 2009, 8:51 am

theres a new movie called mary and max which looks pretty interesting.

i dont like this view of aspergers as a homogenising syndrome by which everyone who is diagnosed with it will struggle forever endlessly for fulfilling social relationships, its false.

also false hope is the same as hope.

my life is very different to yours and though we may share surprisingly similar problems there are too many variables to argue. the same if there were a film about gay men finding love you wouldnt expect that all gay men could relate to it, or the struggle of a trans female to raise a son or whatever you get my point



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15 Apr 2009, 8:53 am

theres a new movie called mary and max which looks pretty interesting.

i dont like this view of aspergers as a homogenising syndrome by which everyone who is diagnosed with it will struggle forever endlessly for fulfilling social relationships, its false.

also false hope is the same as hope.

my life is very different to yours and though we may share surprisingly similar problems there are too many variables to argue. the same if there were a film about gay men finding love you wouldnt expect that all gay men could relate to it, or the struggle of a trans female to raise a son or whatever you get my point



frequently
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15 Apr 2009, 8:53 am

theres a new movie called mary and max which looks pretty interesting.

i dont like this view of aspergers as a homogenising syndrome by which everyone who is diagnosed with it will struggle forever endlessly for fulfilling social relationships, its false.

also false hope is the same as hope.

my life is very different to yours and though we may share surprisingly similar problems there are too many variables to argue. the same if there were a film about gay men finding love you wouldnt expect that all gay men could relate to it, or the struggle of a trans female to raise a son or whatever you get my point



GeomAsp
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15 Apr 2009, 10:01 am

Other than my mother i haven't many anyone on the spectrum, but i can tell some girls have fallen in love with me just for being who i am. I could never read the signals and always blew it, but they were really interested. The only problem was that by the time i had processed the information, they had lost their interest and considered me either a gay or a weirdo, maybe both.

The same can happen to you. My advice is: never try to be more extroverted than you are, as i remember i always ended up saying inappopriate things. Just be yourself and try to learn the signals women will usually give you.


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Jamin
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15 Apr 2009, 10:57 am

zeichner wrote:
But it isn't unrealistic for an AS male to have a girlfriend.....The girls...either outsiders, like myself, or people who hung on the fringe - not necessarily outsiders, but people who like to be around outsiders (like, in community theater - Renaissance festival - that sort of thing.)


The Zeichner is Correct.

Fringe types are by far the more the interesting. Sometimes they are not there "by choice" so are thinkers and understand.

Just be yourself.


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Master_Shake
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15 Apr 2009, 11:16 am

I've had girls show interest in me and I've even been asked out a couple of times. I didn't pursue a romantic relationship because I didn't think it would work out.



Jamin
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15 Apr 2009, 11:35 am

Master_Shake wrote:
I didn't pursue a romantic relationship because I didn't think it would work out.


Just Be.



Willard
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15 Apr 2009, 12:17 pm

Master_Shake wrote:
I've had girls show interest in me and I've even been asked out a couple of times. I didn't pursue a romantic relationship because I didn't think it would work out.


Wow! Now that's what I call true glass-half-empty pessimism! Whew!

Who cares if it 'works out'? Do you expect every relationship to end in Marriage, White Picket Fences and 2.3 Kids? (I ask because when I was younger, I did - thus much heartache for no purpose) Still, I wouldn't trade my experiences - even the painful ones - (well, okay some of them).
You are the sum of everything that touches you. As tricky and frustrating as human relationships can be for everyone, but especially Aspies, they not only in no small way define us, they give us meaning in a way that nothing else in our lives ever can.

If the least thing you come away with is a single kiss...it's something you never would have had sitting alone in your room* - and trust me, it is worth it.



*Mirrors, pillows and stuffed animal buddies don't count.



anna-banana
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15 Apr 2009, 1:05 pm

frequently wrote:
...


ha! you sure live up to your username! :wink:


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frequently
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17 Apr 2009, 3:27 pm

anna-banana wrote:
frequently wrote:
...


ha! you sure live up to your username! :wink:


how so?
:wink:



AlMightyAl
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17 Apr 2009, 4:39 pm

Getting a girl friend, for me, is not an unrealistic goal.
I plan on getting one when I'm past 18.
I could get one easily, I know and have known a couple of girls who have liked me.
I also have no problems in socializing.



MikeH106
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17 Apr 2009, 7:40 pm

Has anyone actually seen 'If You Could Say It In Words'? How was Nelson portrayed?