Is it possible I have

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Hey everyone,

I know that proper internet diagnosis is impossible, and nothings worse than someone trying to diagnose themself, but is it possible I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder? In the past...six months I've really noticed I'm not like everyone else, in the way I act, think and compose myself. I just don't feel exactly "right" if you know what I mean, as in not normal one bit. I've done a lot of research in the last few months (because I'm a proactive type of guy lol), into every mental disorder: - Schitzophrenia, Schitzoid, Depression, ad infinitum. I have a few symtoms of Schitzophrenia (disorganised speech, and though) and I might be a bit depressed.

The other day, me and a few friends were walking along down, and we were asking a friend what he gets $200 a week for. He just calls it his "retart allowance" xD. Anyway, my friend said he heard a personal assistant in school say he had something beginning with "A", and straight away I knew it was Asperger's. I asked him and he says it was. But I realised that his symptoms weren't all that noticable...he isn't exactly socialy adept, or emotional, and he's very clutzy but he's not all that different.

And I was thinking, maybe I have Aspergers myself. Looking at the symptoms, I almost seem like a textbook example. Even the incoherent rambling tone of this post shows hints of it. Anyway, my symptoms.

When I was a kid, I started talking later than most people, I think I was about four when I started talking. I started reading at a young age.

I read factual stuff for years, by the time I reached secondary school I already knew everything in science and geography that I'd learn in the next three years. I often spend hours everyday playing piano (I kind of learned to play by ear one day when I was 9, without ever hearing a note, it was kinda a funny mental process, which worked ) At the moment, I have an inncaciable lust for Biology, I want to know everything about everything to do with it (tbh I don't spend much more than an hour a day learning about it), and I've never got less than 90% on any exam in it. Anyway, I could go on for hours but that's not the point of the post.

I was never diagnosed, but I absolutely, definitely have an Auditory processing disorder, I just can't absorb any information someone tells me (for example, if someone gave me five-part directions to a supermarket there's not a chance I'd absorb it, and I hate places with a lot of background noise, they put me on edge and I can't comprehend a word anyone says. When I was younger, a doctor said to my mother I might have a hearing disorder (as I didn't start speaking till later than most people), but she said that if she rattled a packet of sweets or something in the next room I'd come running, which shows I have good physical hearing

While on the internet my speech is totally fluent and understandable (except in this post, maybe it's because I'm trying to express myself), but in real life it often desends into repetition or incomprehensable gibberish. I don't small talk a lot, so it's not too noticable, but if I tried to talk as much as everyone else I wouldn't make sense half the time. I'm pretty socially withdrawn, as I'm just not good socially. Things such as eye contact and facial expression don't come naturally, I have to think about them. (and I still can't nail the whole "look sad when someone says something sad" look lol). When I talk to my close friends my speech is pretty normal, I know exactly what to say, but when I'm talking to a stranger I can sometimes adopt a funny pitch or sound monotonous (although a month or two I managed to have a fluent, 40 minute conversation about politics and the economy in a waiting room with a nice old woman, and I think I actually sounded normal, maybe even smart I'm proud lol)

I have Alexithymia, I havn't got a clue which emotion is which, I usually have to describe them to express them.

I don't think I'm physically clutsy, but I tend to fall over a lot when I'm playing football. But then again I can play a perfect five-octave arpeggio on the piano in under a second, so I don't know if i'm all that clutsy.

Two years ago I was told by my PE teacher I had "a funny walk", but again I don't see whats wrong with it. At the moment I have a very...neat, linear walk, a friend said its a "Lawyer type walk", I guess she meant very rigid or something.

My IQ is good, 143, but I did an emotional IQ test (I know they aren't officially recognised, but still they are a decent indicator right?), and I got 77, 33 below average. If I got 33 below average on an IQ test I'd be mentally ret*d I had genuine difficulty recognising some facial expressions in the test.

I'm not a very empathetic person, to be honest I don't feel empathy, but I do make up for it by being kind, caring and very generous If someone has a problem I always try talk to them about it (albeit over the net), I think I help comfort them but idk.

More about my social...forget the word suddenly lol. I used to be very social, but I did act very weird and only talk about things that interested me (fancy a 10 minute chat about cactii anyone?). I don't talk much now, I don't know why, I have a lot of trouble saying anything to anyone I don't know in my class. I was on work experience for a week there a while back, during lunch I basically sat in a corner wishing it was possible to actually die of embarrasment, while everyone else was chatting and probably feeling awkward.

I am a very repetitive person, I do the exact same thing every day, order the same lunch, play the same games and work on the same projects. I watch TV once a week (Lost is great!), and I'll be getting a snack in 10 minutes (3am, every night )


I noticed this in the symptoms list...

a lack of interactive play

I never played football in primary school, I was one of three, out of 200 who didn't.

I have a great sense of humor, I do fully grasp every type of humor, and how it works, humor is actually very formulatic. I also have an above average vocabulary and understanding of metephor, again metephor is easily understood imo.

So is it possible I have AS? Or is it more likely HFA? Or am I just FckdUp?

You sound HFA to me, due to your speech delay. I think you should get assessed. You've definitely done your research!

Find a specialist in autism and adults. Don't go to just any doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or neurologist. Many of them are actually not familiar with ASD's.

I wish you lots of luck in your assessment. It can make a big difference in finding social support, services you may need and benefits you may also need.

I agree with white tiger. Your speech delay point towards high functioning autism. From reading your post we have a lot in common, the speech problem mostly. It is frustrating isn't it? I really hate talking, especially to people that would comment on it or make me look like an idiot.

You should find an ASD specialist who could diagnose you. You explained your symptoms well so I'm sure you'd definitely be diagnosed.

Does speech delay really disqualify someone from being diagnosed with aspergers? I didn’t start talking until I was 3 and a half myself, but everything else seems to indicate AS. Would my speech delay be enough for me to be diagnosed with HFA instead of AS if I ever did go in for a diagnosis?

Depends of the diagnostician hester386.

I think it also has to do with verbal IQ and self help skills.

From the DSM TR


I was diagnosed with AS, but when I asked my psychologist if I was HFA she said 'you could be but does it really matter?' Meaning that both are so similar so either diagnosis will get me the same support.
My mum said I didn't say my first word until I was two, but she didn't seem sure. And I'm not sure how long it took me to say more words. I was very quiet as a child.
My verbal IQ has always been low, after I got into politics I got a bit smarter.
I learned to walk late and was so into my own world I cared little about other people.
I'm certain I'm HFA, so I just say I'm autistic now.

Thanks for the replies, knowing what I have is half the problem, actually the funny thing is I've been depressed and self hating for two years now but suddenly I realise it mightn't be my fault I'm a little weird Actually, for the first time I just see my self as...different now. Yay!

well the above sounds like me, it's probably HFA. I hope I've been diagnosed as a kid, so I don't have to put my parents through any embarrassment or anything And I wouldn't like having the stigma attatched with autism (although personally I've always thought of Autism as a mixed blessing, some of the most talented people in the world are autistic). My parents think that I'm smart, far smarter than average, and I wouldn't want to burst their bubble. But that said, I don't think I can cope with college and work without people accepting that I have some sort of disability (I don't find myself so messed up that I'm disabled, but anyway...). And that 200 Euro a week my friend gets is looking mighty tempting, I've got a piano that needs tuning, and college that needs paying for

Was anyone here treated differently by there family after they were diagnosed? I don't think I could handle that...

Oh, and a blunted emotional range is also a symptom of some Autistic Spectrum Disorders right? I have that to lol

My mum is becoming more understanding of my diagnosis. Sometimes she gets made at me because I don't work and I'm still living with her. I'm very behind in skills for my age. My sister still treats me the same, which is rather depressing because she was horrible to me when we were kids. At least she has stopped calling me ret*d.

Blunted emotions? Yes, that's an autistic trait. I have that too.

Just don't get a diagnosis with getting on benefits in mind. I once told a guy I thought he had AS and when he heard I was on disability he wanted to be diagnosed so he could quit his job and just stay at home playing video games and going surfing. I lost all respect for him that day.

If you had a choice again would you get re-diagnosed? What I have isn't to pathalogical, I can lead a normal enough life (apart from the fact I can't seem to small talk, which makes getting a job suprisingly hard), so I could ignore it if I had to.

Just don't get a diagnosis with getting on benefits in mind. I once told a guy I thought he had AS and when he heard I was on disability he wanted to be diagnosed so he could quit his job and just stay at home playing video games and going surfing. I lost all respect for him that day.

I still intend to work, in fact I've got pretty high career ambitions, I'd like to work in the field of medicine, it's just it's very hard for me to deal with people so I don't what job I could work at I have the ability to get a good job, just not the people skills to go with it. My parents are under a lot of finacial pressure (my father used to earn six times what he does now), so the money could be put to good use, but I don't intend to live off the money (Like my friend with aspergers )

And over here you get a free travel pass if you have AS, which would make college a LOT cheaper for me.

I've made a decision, I'm not getting diagnosed unless I really, really need to. Fully admitting I have AS would have placeboesque effect on me, I'd become more AS than I am now. I'll just admit I'm the screwed up side of normal for now

Hello. Nothing wrong with trying to figure yourself out.

We're all affected a little differently.

At this point in my life (I'm 37), I'm a master a hiding it. People are shocked when they hear that I have AS, especially people who know me from work.



I talked and read early, the classic little professor vocabulary thing.



I'm exactly like this. Shopping malls are the worst. My wife has to look directly at me for me to understand her. We have an inside joke about it. When I can't understand her, I start doing the Peanuts parent voice: Wah Wah Wah. That's what she sounds like to me. I know she's talking and I know it's her voice, but I miss 100% of what she says. I also have problems filtering out background conversations in restaurants. In other acoustic settings, i can hear her perfectly. I had my hearing tested because I thought I needed a hearing aid (this runs in my family also). My ears tested perfect.



Written communication is far more planned than spoken communication. You can go back and reword things.

It took me decades to realize that the reason NTs look sad when someone tells them something sad is because they actually *feel* sad. The sad facial expression is an automatic reaction to the sad feeling. This is the empathy that is broken for us. To me, this feels like mind-reading. How the hell can you know what someone else feels without them telling you? For me, if I've experienced a nearly identical experience, then it's converted to sympathy which I have no problems with. Even if you do get the whole "look sad" thing, it will be purely synthetic. A good skill, but not the same thing NTs are doing.



It's all about predictability. When I'm in a predictable situation, I know exactly what to say and how to say it. It looks completely normal and fluid. This is how job interviews are for me now. But years ago, I went to my uncle's funeral, first one I'd ever been to. I had no idea how to behave. I was asking everyone, "Hey, how's it going?" to which their response was always "Terrible".



I was calling them generic things like good or bad. I'm getting better at it. I've always had angry nailed though.



Gross and fine motor skills are different things. The clutzy thing I think has more to do with gross motor skills. My gait is wrong also. Mine is different enough that my family uses it to spot me in a crowd. Maybe I should apply for funding from the Ministry of Silly Walks.



Don't think of the inability to feel empathy as some sort of character flaw. I like the term mind-blindness. It more closely matches the right idea I think. When people say that someone lacks empathy, that could mean two totally different things. One is that someone detected the emotional state of the other person, but failed to feel their pain or care because of some emotional problem. The other way to understand it is that you didn't detect the information in the first place. If you had, you would have felt bad for the person. NTs can't tell the difference because their frame of reference doesn't allow it. The first is a sociopath, while the second is missing one of his senses. But to them, you feel like a sociopath, which is very disturbing to them.



When I was around middle school age, I ordered the exact same lunch from the cafeteria every day for two and a half years. No one thought this was weird or asked if I was ok. I guess they didn't notice. It only stopped when I changed schools and they didn't have it at the new place. I still crave that meal, now impossible to get, 25 years later.



I have always hated team sports. Maybe it's the competition.


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It's impossible to be sure. But you sure sound like AS to me.

brian

Ha a few years back I was chattin to my friends and blurted out that "people don't really feel empathy, do they? It's a fake thing, right?", and they just looked at me



Only been angry once or twice ever so I wouldn't really know it too well myself . I don't know the names, so here's my emotional range for anyone whos interested

1. A sudden, sharp sinking feeling, followed by a wave of nausea and then a generally tense and self-hating feeling (5%)
2. A zoned out disattachment to life, fatigue, heaviness and complete inability to make eye contact. (80%)
3. A light headed feeling, followed by being able to make eye contact, try to talk to people, and try to make jokes (14%)
4. A psuedo nt feeling, feeling like theres nothing wrong with me, wanting to talk to people, actually being able to pass myself, people wanting to talk to me (1%)

anyone got names to put to those feelings? It'd help me convey myself a lot more effectively.


Ouch



ha that's exactly it for me, I don't take part in any comps because one guys gonna go home feeling crap, and another elated from another's crapness

Basically with empathy, you can look at a person's face and tell if they are sad or happy by the expression, then you feel that yourself actually. I can tell if they are sad or happy by facial expression, one of my more NT traits, but at the same time people will say I ACT like I don't care or have empathy... so I don't know if that's something different or not. I am a dxed schizoaffective with some traits of being on the spectrum but not all of them, though you have more traits of spectrum than I do and less schizophrenic traits.

I hope I don't offend you but could you explain to me roughly what schitzophrenia/affective disorder is? Wikipedia is a little to scientific for me to understand

Hi Ryan; it's not impossible to self-diagnose, and often it is the best way (I think you will find in people who diagnose later in life). Reading many books on Autism and AS will be helpful, along with taking online diagnostic tests, posting on forums such as this one, and so on. I strongly emphasize reading and familiarizing yourself with as many perspectives on the Autistic Spectrum as possible.