Are most of your problems regarding the non-verbal?

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timeisdead
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04 May 2009, 1:34 pm

I have no problem with any verbal aspects of communication and happen to be very persuasive at times. I do, however lack an adequate sense of direction and am horrid at any visual spatial concepts.



starygrrl
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04 May 2009, 2:57 pm

Generally speaking, yes. I do great with verbal communication.
But when you get down to specifics I also have my deficits. I will forget things short term, get lost in the details at times, get confused by directions, selectively forget things, etc. Basically my semantic-pragmatic issues sometimes get in the way of me being great all the time.

But from what I heard I can be a very interesting conversationalist.



Last edited by starygrrl on 04 May 2009, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

marshall
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04 May 2009, 3:12 pm

I'm the opposite. I'm great with visual and abstract thought but I don't always have the vocabulary or verbal organization skills to express my thoughts in words.



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04 May 2009, 5:11 pm

Yes, my biggest problem is grasping what everyone is communicating about non-verbally. I just don't get it. I live in a cloud in this sense.


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elderwanda
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04 May 2009, 5:49 pm

I can't even figure out if I'm good or bad at non-verbal communication and/or abstract thought. How sad is that?

I'm not sure what to look for to answer those questions.



Greentea
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04 May 2009, 7:08 pm

I know what you mean. The way I know I miss the nonverbal is because everyone is always privy on something I've no clue about, and they're constantly telling me or hinting at me that I'm not addressing something that I should know as well as everyone else.


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Homer_Bob
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04 May 2009, 7:46 pm

I'd say they are. I did testing a few years back and scored very highly on verbals skills and very low on non-verbals skills. My social skills suck yet my verbal skills are very good, confusing. But I always have known my non-verbal skills were horrid.



McTell
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04 May 2009, 7:51 pm

For a long time, I did not believe that nonverbal communication existed (beyond basic facial expressions like smiling and actions that are along the lines of pointing).



elderwanda
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04 May 2009, 7:58 pm

Greentea wrote:
I know what you mean. The way I know I miss the nonverbal is because everyone is always privy on something I've no clue about, and they're constantly telling me or hinting at me that I'm not addressing something that I should know as well as everyone else.


Well, I can't say I have that experience, simply because I haven't known an actual group of people since my first son was born, 11 years ago. I know my mother, my father and his wife, my husband, and a friend who I see a few times a year. And my children. That's basically it. I have no group of people who give me feedback about anything at all. (Those people certainly don't. We basically have the same visit over and over, with no expectations or surprises. The only absolute NT in that group is my friend and my dad's wife.)

But...if I search my memory banks for what it was like in the days when I had access to and opportunities for social groups, I suppose it was often like that. I can't remember people specifically saying, "you should have known that", but people generally don't know me well enough to say something that forward. In intimate group social settings, as I remember from the days when there was such a thing, it usually felt like I was the puppy on the rug, sort of included and well-liked by some, but not really a part of the group. Like everyone else has a connection with the others, and other people besides, and I am separate, and different. I never thought of it that way at the time, though. I just had the general feeling that people get un-like me when they get together with each other.

So, I don't know. I'm still confused.



marshall
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04 May 2009, 8:41 pm

McTell wrote:
For a long time, I did not believe that nonverbal communication existed (beyond basic facial expressions like smiling and actions that are along the lines of pointing).

I'm not sure that anyone is intellectually aware of nonverbal communication if it hasn't been explicitly brought to their attention. It's something that most people just react to without ever thinking about. It's dealt with by an unconscious part of the brain.



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04 May 2009, 9:58 pm

Both.
Horrible at verbal and non-verbal.


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starygrrl
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04 May 2009, 10:21 pm

marshall wrote:
McTell wrote:
For a long time, I did not believe that nonverbal communication existed (beyond basic facial expressions like smiling and actions that are along the lines of pointing).

I'm not sure that anyone is intellectually aware of nonverbal communication if it hasn't been explicitly brought to their attention. It's something that most people just react to without ever thinking about. It's dealt with by an unconscious part of the brain.


Actually most women I know are very conscious of nonverbal communication. Most guys I know are not as conscious of it.



MONKEY
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05 May 2009, 12:28 pm

Both my non verbal and verbal skills are pretty much nearly the same (verbal slightly better), they're not brilliant but they're decent.


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05 May 2009, 12:33 pm

Bad at both, and other things.
My verbal is better than non-verbal, but probably not by as much as a lot of people would think.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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09 May 2009, 11:26 pm

I prolly cannot decode certain things, like subtle glances. I understand the obvious: crying means unhappy, pain or distressed, laughing means something's funny, smiling is easy for me too. I understand the different types of smiles, like the smug smirk or the fake Hollywood smile, but sometimes I have to ask if it really means what I think it does. Like, if someone has a smirk on their face when they see me I kinda know what's up but I am uncertain. I sorta have a clue that it's not really polite or all together good, but I don't know what's going through their mind when they smirk like that and maybe I don't want to know?
The biggest problem I have is what I see others doing so effortlessly all around me. In fact, I am the only one who seems lousy at it. When two strangers interact one comments on something and the person I am with always has this witty, effortless response that makes the stranger laugh and voila, a mini conversation is born.
Mostly, all I have is a "yes" or a "no" or a nervous laugh and I appear dull as dirt, so, the conversation abruptly ends. I wish I had more but I can't think of anything witty to say. Every once in a while I come up with something I think passes for slightly witty but I dunno because people don't respond to it like they respond to the others. So I don't know what to think. I don't know why they don't laugh and come up with something more witty to compliment my witty remark. Usually they look down and say nothing, especially if they are a cashier.
What I don't do well is come up with those spontaneous remarks. I can do the cliche small talk routine but nothing too interesting. I can say "How are you?" and "Fine thanks" and that''s as far as it goes.



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10 May 2009, 12:37 am

Well, it is hard to tell. It is like on a site that I was on recently where a person made a STUPID claim. I said that he was WRONG, and stated why. Although he back pedalled to bring his statement CLOSER to the truth, he still never truly adressed the real issue. Ironically, he used the "common sense isn't so common" statement in his rather harsh rebuke. So I guess you can't take any such rebuke as gospel.

Still, my understanding is sometimes different from others. That is USUALLY not incorrect, just different. Then again, sometimes they are correct, or have an "understanding"(prearranged code(to use the term that a "teacher" of "interpersonal communication" once used to refer to such a thing)) that I don't. Such a "code" is ALSO something they shouldn't ASSUME that everyone knows. That is ESPECIALLY true since most of the people now are not even americans, and don't speak english as a native language.

You would think that, with all the different cultures, classes, and languages, that people would try to be clearer, etc.... I always try to do that. It is certainly harder in media, such as forums and email, but on the phone and in person, I will try to ascertain if there is a communication problem, and accomodate it.

starygrrl,

WHO KNOWS? Some women talk or work AROUND things. I GENERALLY try to go from a to b, and some women try to go from a to c and hhope you infer that c implies d and get to something that comes back to b. GRANTED some of my problems are due to AS, but I know that NT males struggle with this as well. But women are wired in such a way that they think it is logical. They don't see how a thing may be taken in many ways, and MOST males will assume that C=C, and either react accordingly, or assume that they mean something different from what they intend.

Case in point, that happened to me on 5/9! A woman waves this product at me, as if to try to sell it to me. She is by a kiosk that is abandoned, and I saw her coming from there, so it is a reasonable assumption. I say I am not interested. She smiles, asks my name, and I tell her. She then hols her han out as if she wants me to shake it. I said that "Under the circumstances, I probably shouldn't". I probably should have mentioned that I was feigning thst "I don't want to run the risk of spreading or catching the HN1 flu".

I HATE shaking hands, and saw her as a strange sales person. I was trying to figure out exactly what had happened. USUALLY, it is a ploy to get you involved to make a sale, but MAYBE she liked me! Who knows? Do YOU have any idea? I am seriously asking.

She may have thought that was a very decent attempt to say "I like you, let's meet later!". Who knows?