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Fudo
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16 May 2009, 11:58 am

this happens to me a fair bit, me having to "bow out" so i tend to keep "schtum?" unless someone speaks to me..



Kangoogle
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16 May 2009, 3:02 pm

nothingunusual wrote:
subliculous wrote:
oh, definitely one of my main (and most uncomfortable) problems. i'm worst around young women. the more vapid and generic they are, the worse i am. also stoic, rural, conservative types. if i can tell a person is "different" or individualistic in any way, be they artist, hippie, punk, lefty, outcast, neurotic, goofball, hooker, minority, eccentric, i usually have no problem. but the more normal they are, the more i close down.


True enough, the type of person I'm around does have a big effect on how comfortable I am and how well I'm able to speak. I'm actually alot more comfortable with people who are down to earth with no pretenses, who say what they feel and mean what they say (and talk alot). People who might be called 'rough' or 'common' by some people, salt of the earth types who don't give a f**k.


Simple really, those types of people have fewer expectations of how you should behave or be, making it easier to socialise with them. In other words, you can make less mistakes, so your genuine anxiety is lessened.



Kangoogle
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16 May 2009, 3:04 pm

Averick wrote:
Socialize with only one person at a time.
Public outings with multiple allies exacerbate this.

No, no. Groups socialising means any mistakes are less obvious. People are focusing more on themselves messing up rather than yourself. Plus having other people to fill in gaps in conversations makes things far less awkward.



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16 May 2009, 3:07 pm

Being one on one is easier than being in a group. If you know that one person then you can talk more freely and take more time to talk then if the group expects you to speak right away.


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Kangoogle
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16 May 2009, 3:15 pm

thewrll wrote:
Being one on one is easier than being in a group. If you know that one person then you can talk more freely and take more time to talk then if the group expects you to speak right away.

Yes, but if you know half the people in the group what I said applies, plus you have a chance at expanding your network.

Now try meeting people you don't know at all one on one, its far better to have met them first in a group setting. Your making a totally unfair comparison here.

Socialising itself is easier in a group of friends rather than meeting them one on one as well.



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16 May 2009, 6:38 pm

No I find one on one is easier than groups. Because I have no competition with the one on one conversation. I just need to remember what that one person said instead of having all these other people talking. To me one on one is easier than groups. One on one is as close as you can to being alone as you can get without actually being alone.


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16 May 2009, 7:46 pm

I often have this happen to me when I meet someone unexpectedly -- for the life of me I simply can't open my mouth to say "Hi". I usually just smile and wave.


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Kangoogle
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16 May 2009, 8:09 pm

thewrll wrote:
No I find one on one is easier than groups. Because I have no competition with the one on one conversation. I just need to remember what that one person said instead of having all these other people talking. To me one on one is easier than groups. One on one is as close as you can to being alone as you can get without actually being alone.

Then you have a poor strategy then really. In a group you don't have to be paying constant attention to the goings on, so in reality you can remove yourself from thinking about the conversation for short periods. Also, you get a decent chance to plan out the next round of the conversation. One on one you have to remain focused the whole time, which makes the whole exercise a chore really. All you need to do is learn to be slightly more assertive.



thewrll
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16 May 2009, 8:31 pm

Dude whats with the attack. I feel its easier to meet someone one on one rather than in a group. You might feel the other way. We are different. Get over it and stop attacking what I think.


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Kangoogle
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16 May 2009, 9:32 pm

thewrll wrote:
Dude whats with the attack. I feel its easier to meet someone one on one rather than in a group. You might feel the other way. We are different. Get over it and stop attacking what I think.

If you had bothered to state the word "I" in your response then I might have been more reticent. Instead you just stated like it was a grand fact for everyone. Essentially its a matter of coping strategy and we have to cope with both. Though it makes more sense to learn how to deal with people in groups than one on one, the reason being that the latter is more attainable.



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17 May 2009, 1:02 pm

Right but you also seem to be saying that for everyone else besides me groups are easier. You seem to attack alot of people and hopefully sometime you will stop.


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Kangoogle
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17 May 2009, 2:18 pm

thewrll wrote:
Right but you also seem to be saying that for everyone else besides me groups are easier. You seem to attack alot of people and hopefully sometime you will stop.

I am saying that for anyone who has thought through their social strategies, a groups scenario is easier. Simply because in a group situation, the expectations are less and therefore the bar is lower.

The only thing I attack is stupidity. :)



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17 May 2009, 2:51 pm

You also attack peoples sexuality and probably alot of other things. You seem to say to people that they can just decide on who they are attracted to on a whim.


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Kangoogle
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17 May 2009, 4:09 pm

thewrll wrote:
You also attack peoples sexuality and probably alot of other things. You seem to say to people that they can just decide on who they are attracted to on a whim.

Yeah - I attack Stonewall for the fact they have lobbied so hard that their lifestyle choice is being put ahead of equality for disabled people. Being camp is a lifestyle choice. Fact. Getting married is a lifestyle choice. Fact.

There are clearly an awful lot of people who have decided to be gay as a lifestyle choice. Note also that I attack religion for the same thing. Might want to check out that correlation between mental illness and homosexuality, you don't think a good subset have not just decided to be gay / camp / whatever for attention seeking. I do.

And yes, attraction is something you can do on a whim, in the same way people form their outlooks on mere whims these days. Outlook leads onto whom you find attractive.



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17 May 2009, 5:17 pm

Kangoogle, please choose your words with a little more care.


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Kangoogle
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17 May 2009, 6:33 pm

Quatermass wrote:
Kangoogle, please choose your words with a little more care.

Which points do you take issue with, Quatermass. There is nothing wrong with what I have said, albeit the facts might not be very PC.