Let me just run this by you....

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Ok, scenario:

At work we have a cafeteria. Among other things they make sandwiches, which get put in this vending machine when the cafeteria closes.

I was hungry, went to get a sandwich and a soda since the cafeteria was still open, but the lady had already put them in the machine, and I didn't have any coins, just my card.
A little setback there, but I figured I could at least get my soda and ask the lady if I could withdraw some cash from her, and possibly buy a youghurt if I couldn't.
She said it was not possible to withdraw cash.

More than a little stressed out about the prospect of going without food for the next 7 hours, plus the aspect of things not going as I had planned I paid for my soda, and forgot to buy the emergency youghurt. Went back just a minute later though and got the yoghurt, and smiled apologetically for being back almost right away.

She then asked me if I had asked about cash because I wanted to buy something from the vending machine, because if that was the case she could just open the machine and get whatever I wanted.
I was fed up about the back and forth by now and while I would have liked a sandwich I clutched my yoghurt and declined the offer and said there wasn't anything in there I really wanted anyway...

Sooooo... Sorry for the long backstory, but I realised this is quite a typical situation for me, and they usually end up in mini meltdowns.

The issues are getting upset because things are not going as planned, being unable to formulate a new "plan" in a relative short amount of time in a stressful situation/place, I'll usually sort of freeze up, unable to think or do anything before I can remove myself from the situation, and if I do figure out a backup or acceptable solution I get very fixated on that, unable to consider changes or other options.... If everything haven't already gone batshit and I have just left the situation entirely to avoid freaking out big time...

Now, I am not officially diagnosed, but this is one of the many things about me and how I function that I think might be consistent with AS traits.
At least, I have been told, when I have tried to explain how I experience things like this to my family, that reacting and thinking like that is not normal. (They still refuse to even consider that I might have AS, though....)

Does this way I have tried to explain episodes like this sound familiar? Am I totally off my rocker thinking this have anything to do with AS?

Holy crap, I know exactly what you're talking about. Can't think of any clear examples, but I've had the same issues.

Last semester I was trying to get food in between final exams and I have a very restricted diet for health reasons and the guy who was making my stir fry was screwing it up and then he lied to me and said he did something that he didn't (I was watching him like a hawk because I have so many food problems.) I got really frustrated and said, "screw this" and walked away, leaving my tray there.

I went across the hall to the C-Store to get some fruit instead because I had to eat something before my test and my time was so limited I couldn't wait for him to cook another stir fry from scratch. I was getting really anxious and unhappy about the food situation when another food employee came to talk to me and try to pressure me to go back over and have him cook it again. I went into a meltdown, dropped my fruit on the floor and ran away.

I ended up in a bathroom stall, crying hysterically. I finally got myself calmed down and went into my final exam, which was half-way over by this point. This semester, I'm too embarassed to get food in that food court and I had several problems already trying to get food in the other food court so now I'm bringing food with me, which is a real pain because I don't have the extra time to prepare food and I'm already carrying too much weight around with me and now I also have to juggle food in there somewhere.

I don't know if this is related to what you were talking about or not, but I have the hardest time getting the food I need and really get freaked out if the food I can eat is all gone by the time I get there. One of my biggest complaints about university life is trying to get the food I need and coping with people who put it together wrong or don't listen to me and limited things I can eat being gone when I need them.

I think part of why I'm fat is that a lifetime of food issues has made me eat too much when I can get the right food because I'm afraid of how long it will be until I can find food again. Being homeless and hungry at many points in my twenties probably added to my general food anxiety as well.

Yeah, that inability to think on your feet, turn on a dime, and be spontaneous is a hallmark of AS.

There's a scene in the novel "The Speed of Dark" where the AS character accidentally drops the quarter he was trying to put into a laundry machine into the soapy water. He just stands there perplexed about how to proceed until a little old lady standing nearby says something like "Oh well, that quarter will be really clean when it comes out! Why don't you just put in one of the quarters you were saving for the dryer?" and the AS character is amazed that she could think of this alternate plan so quickly.

Should've just said yes .

I know what you mean about changing plans; I find it difficult too, but what helps is doing what you're doing and reviewing the situation and thinking 'next time, what will I do differently?'

It's a good example of where explaining what you initially wanted (a sandwich) and asking could she (as an employee of the cafe) help would have been more effective than simply working things through in your own head and just asking for money (which meant that she had to either work out where you were coming from i.e. why you wanted money, or just turn you down as it was against the rules).

Usually I can come up with atleast 2 or three solutions whenever a problem arise. However, it's hard to execute these plans - and since this is a AS/autism forum, you probably know why. Atleast one of these plans will be involve doing something that seem completely impractical, overly complicated and unconvential to most people. But I'm most comfortable with these plans, so I end up following them (as opposed to common sense). Like this one time after visiting a relative (was about 500m from his house, and about to take a bus only to discover that I didn't have any money). So instead of going 500 meter and ask for money, I walked 20km. Took me about 5-6 hours. I knew I could've gone back, in fact it was the first idea that popped into my head. I never regretted that decision, though. It's very important to everything my own way (though I know it's not always the fastest or most elegant way).

I used to walk 20 miles home from school every day so I could keep the bus change my parents gave me instead of asking them for pocket money. I only wish I had that kind of stamina today!

I get what you're saying sparrowrose, food and eating are major sources of stress, there's just so many things that can be screwed up..

Pesonally I have major problems eating and getting food anywhere else than home. It will have to be at a place I've been before, preferably with someone else, where I know HOW to order food, most importantly.

If I don't know how the place "works", in regards to if you order food, get it yourself, how the queue system works, if there is one at all, if you get cutlery separate or it is provided when you get the food, where the condiments are, if you have to ask for them, if they are somewhere else etc etc etc etc.... if I don't KNOW these things beforehand and can plan out how and when to do what, I just won't eat there, no matter how much I want or want to try the food......

I wasn't so much about the food in this particular situation, but it was a good catalyst to seeing a trend in how I deal with spontaneity and things not going as I had planned or as I thought they would go.

Had a similar sitation at the pharmacy a while ago too, the clerk first said she couldn't give me my arthritis meds because the prescription was too old, and when I got upset and was about to leave she said she could call her boss and ask if I could get the meds and come back with the new precription later, I said no because of all the fuss, then SHE got angry and said I couldn't leave without meds, I told her no again, she wouldn't back off and finaly I just snapped at her to drop it, yanked my kid with me out of there and ran to my car crying, heheh.. Total cluster-fuck, that one..

Anyway, I know I could have just said yes when she asked, but I was already flustered and not able to think very well, I also hadn't seen what was in there and figured out what I wanted.

Lene, Interesting thing you mentioned about just asking in the first place to get something from the machine, instead of going about all that asking to withdraw cash thing.
It didn't even occur to me that I could just ask the lady to buy something from the machine, even though I KNOW the food gets put in there by the cafeteria staff, the actual cafe and the machine are very much separated in my mind, one is people, one is machine.

I greatly prefer the machine anyway, no people and easy and understandable
I've been working here for almost 18 months now, but I actally didn't buy anything from the cafeteria until just a few weeks ago..! Only sandwiches though, easy to find, grab, buy and go....

Hmm, that one sounds as if the clerk knew all along that she could just ask the boss (who could always ring your doctor for confirmation if necessary). She may have just getting her daily power trip and it backfired (you didn't play along and kiss her ass or threaten to kick up a fuss; you just took it at face value and left).

Don't be so scared to say yes when people do finally turn around and offer to help though; it's their job and often it's not any difficulty for them (and a stroppier customer would have demanded it) and they probably feel bad for turning you down in the first place since you weren't demanding. If you accept, you both walk away friends

Last edited by Lene on 21 Sep 2010, 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Food and eating are MAJOR sources of stress and then when it's so hard to find something to eat . . .
no gluten, no dairy, no eggs, no meats. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find something to eat with these restrictions. Sometimes I get so hungry I eat something with one or more of those in it but then I'm terribly sick within a half hour. But my blood sugar goes low and I HAVE to eat so it's often a choice between being sick because my blood sugar is below 75 or being sick because I ate food my body reacts badly to.

I had found a stir fry at school with rice and vegetables and was so excited and happy but now I can't eat that any more because I'm so ashamed of having a big meltdown in public that I can't even go in that food court any more. So I'm back to nothing to eat at school. And they brought in a vendor with real fruit smoothies and I was so happy but then they don't take our school food card and that's how I budget lunch for a semester is putting my money on the card and I had put a lot of money on it for those fruit smoothies and now I can't buy then with the school card and I can't eat anything else at school so I just lost all that money I put on the useless card and I am bringing my lunch and so upset.

I have a similar problem but it's not so much about having my plans thrown off, it's that it makes me really anxious and flustered to ask someone for what seems to me to be a special favor, when they would consider it completely ordinary.

For instance, I'm usually really careful to make sure I have change for the bus. Once I left a doctor's office and realized I hadn't brought enough change to take the bus back. The bus drivers are usually pretty easygoing and I could have just gotten on the bus anyway and said all I had was $1.25 in change instead of $2.25. The driver probably would have let me get on, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. So I walked, even though it's hard for me to walk, until I got to the zoo (the nearest place) and asked the lady at the door if she could give me change for a dollar. She dug through her purse for me, but that didn't make me feel anxious because she seemed glad to have someone to talk to for a few minutes.

I don't like going into stores or food places where it isn't clear exactly what I'm supposed to do, because I feel very awkward if I have to figure it out on the spot. I would absolutely cringe at the thought of having to ask someone to get a sandwich out of the machine for me.

Did the bus not take dollar bills? If you were a dollar short in change and had a dollar, you had bus fare unless the bus wouldn't take paper money. Every place I've lived, the buses would take paper money but I haven't lived everywhere so there could easily be buses that don't take dollar bills.

In NYC the buses only take change, or a Metrocard. (Which is one of the reasons bus drivers tend to be understanding if you don't have the right change.)

YES! This is exactly what I was trying to say up there about food places, just with a lot more words and confusion, heheh..

Btw, the pharmacy woman only grudgingly offered this solution after she saw I got upset, but by then the cat was already out of the bag so to speak, I have difficulty making rational decisions if I'm even just a little upset All I wanted was to remove myself from the sitation.

Edit: spelling

I'm fairly prone to similar situations due to executive dysfunction, so yes, quite an Aspie thing.

No, you are not 'off your rocker' (whatever a rocker is meant to be).
That sort of thing happens to me pretty much every day. If something doesn't go according to plan, I go into 'PANIC' mode, and freeze, stutter, or run off. Either that or i'll become unforgivably rude and obnoxious.