Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but it freezes you!

I wish I could shoot laser beams from my eyes.

Granted, but it misfires and you accidentally freeze yourself.

I wish every famous person who died would come back to life.

Edit: Sorry for the bad timing.

Granted, but it's hard to control, and one day you look in the mirror, your eyes go off, and your face becomes horribly disfigured! MUAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA!


I wish I had a soft blanket.

Granted. It is so soft that it disintegrates upon holding it.

I wish to exact revenge on my tormentors.

Granted, but all your tormentors then doubly turn against you and murder you!


I wish I was a zombie!

Granted, but an angry mob runs after you, killing you.

I wish I had the ability to bring people back to life.

Granted, but whenever you bring someone back to life they try to eat your brain.

I wish I had a billion dollars

Granted, but it's a mountain of pennies and it falls on you.


I wish I could freeze and unfreeze time at will.

Granted... but, since airplanes need to remain moving to stay aloft, one falls from the sky and crushes you!

I wish I had a copy of every movie ever made!

Granted, but they’re encrypted and you don’t have the key.

I wish humans had already colonized Mars.

Granted. Humans have put microorganisms on a Mars candy bar and those have colonized it - so much that it has an outbreak and moved to humans ans people are now infected by them.

I wish to eradicate the bird flu.

Granted. It’s eradicated because suddenly all birds go extinct. The world’s ecosystems are massively wrecked and chaos ensues, leaving you like a ghoti out of water.

I wish I had some ghoughpteighbteau salad.

Granted ... once you learn how to spell properly. Same with you, ghoti-boy.

I wish I had some fish and potato chips.

Granted. You have some chips. You connect them to your computer and they display on the screen the most appealing fish and potato dishes you can dream of, steaming copiously. Not only that, but the chips burn and give off a smell indistinguishable from that of the real thing. Now you’re hungry as hell and no longer have as much as the chips

I wish I could control gravity.

Granted. But gravity has no control over you either. You fly uncontrollabvly into space.

I wish I could be a woman just for one day.

Granted: you switch identities with a random woman on Earth … including your memories. Then you switch back. You’re back yourself, with no memory of having ever been a woman

I wish I could see what the Earth will look like when the last life forms on it die out.