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bicentennialman
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30 Mar 2019, 12:04 pm

Hello, everybody.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's in my late 20's, and it went a long way toward explaining a lot of my strengths and weaknesses throughout my life.

At the time, I was struggling to complete a Master's degree while living on my own (well, sharing an apartment with another student), and I felt like I just barely made it. But now it's 10 years later, and I'm still living at home with my parents and working from home as an online copyeditor.

I like the work, and I seem to be good at it, but it isn't paying well enough for me to do much more than pay for my own health insurance, so it definitely wouldn't be enough to live on. My parents have been very loving and supportive my entire life, so there's never been any problem with me living with them-- I'm often able to help around the house, but as a whole it's not a very demanding life.

But something has changed that has me thinking about whether I can move out on my own: I have fallen in love. :heart: A little more than five years ago, I met a young woman through internet contact who also has Asperger's. It was so amazing to finally spend time with someone whose mind worked like mine-- she has been a tremendous encouragement to me, and I have done all I can to encourage her. We have visited each other many times over the years, and my family and hers have become good friends.

I can't help but dream about marriage, but I still feel so far from being independent enough to support myself, let alone another person. I fear that if I don't do something, I'll coast on as I have been and miss out on a lot of happiness.

But I don't really know what to do-- I think it's hard for Aspies to dream about concrete future plans. My college degrees are so far in the past now that I don't know if they are worth anything to prospective employers. I can try to do more copyediting, but I feel like I'm close to the limit of what I can do in a day without giving myself headaches from the screen time. Sometimes I daydream about creating some phone app or computer game that millions of people use and makes me rich, but I know that's not a realistic expectation.

Hmm. Not expecting anyone to have an easy answer. The fact is, my life is really very good, and I feel blessed. But I also worry about the future. Is there anyone here who feels they are in a similar place, or who once was? What did you do?



jimmy m
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30 Mar 2019, 3:02 pm

Well you have a Master's degree. Many times after you graduate, if you do not find employment within the first year or two, the degree goes stale in the eyes of the employer. So what approach might you use to make it current.

First I would visit the college placement office in the school you received the Master's degree in. Talk to their councilors about developing a plan to get employment.

Sometimes it is possible to take an internship program. This allows a potential employer to hire you for a short time and if they find your services valuable, they can work towards make your employment permanent.

You might take one or two classes in your career field to refresh your degree.



BeaArthur
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06 Apr 2019, 1:08 pm

Copy editing traditionally is a low paid occupation. Apply some ingenuity toward getting a more advanced position. If you have the detail-orientation that copy editing requires, you might do well at auditing or software testing, which will pay more, and might still be something you could do from home if that's important to you. See if you can get help from your location's vocational rehabilitation or workforce development agencies, to find or qualify for other more lucrative jobs.

Never underestimate the value of having stuck with one job, one employer, for a considerable period of time. The person who has a very fragmented resume is less appealing to prospective employers.

I would not rule out marriage. What is your lady friend's occupational/financial situation? You two would probably have to live cheaply, but that's certainly possible to do. Have you discussed the topic with her at all, or is this just your fantasy life that you don't discuss with anyone?

Parents of adult autistics have to recognize that eventually they will die, leaving their dependent adult child to manage on their own. For this reason, both your parents and hers have an incentive to help you move on with your life.


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bicentennialman
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27 Jun 2019, 3:28 pm

Thank you for your responses and advice. I have an update! Several months ago I sent my resume to the organization Specialisterne USA, which tries to help people on the autism spectrum find job placement. At the time, there weren't any opportunities near me.

But last month, I got an email from them about a seminar/training workshop that the company Procter & Gamble is holding in the nearest city to where I live. I don't know exactly what skills I will need (it does look like it will involve computer languages), but the training is 5 weeks long, so I ought to be able to learn it.

I'm really nervous, as it will be a lot of new things at once, but it's also a little exciting. :)



ASPartOfMe
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27 Jun 2019, 4:34 pm

bicentennialman wrote:
Thank you for your responses and advice. I have an update! Several months ago I sent my resume to the organization Specialisterne USA, which tries to help people on the autism spectrum find job placement. At the time, there weren't any opportunities near me.

But last month, I got an email from them about a seminar/training workshop that the company Procter & Gamble is holding in the nearest city to where I live. I don't know exactly what skills I will need (it does look like it will involve computer languages), but the training is 5 weeks long, so I ought to be able to learn it.

I'm really nervous, as it will be a lot of new things at once, but it's also a little exciting. :)

Congratulations


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27 Jun 2019, 5:40 pm

bicentennialman wrote:
Thank you for your responses and advice. I have an update! Several months ago I sent my resume to the organization Specialisterne USA, which tries to help people on the autism spectrum find job placement. At the time, there weren't any opportunities near me.

But last month, I got an email from them about a seminar/training workshop that the company Procter & Gamble is holding in the nearest city to where I live. I don't know exactly what skills I will need (it does look like it will involve computer languages), but the training is 5 weeks long, so I ought to be able to learn it.

I'm really nervous, as it will be a lot of new things at once, but it's also a little exciting. :)


Congratulations and good luck!


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IstominFan
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05 Jul 2019, 9:41 am

bicentennialman,

I could agree point for point with you. I consider myself to be about 25 years behind the curve in accomplishing adult milestones. I am university educated, have been gainfully employed for over twenty years (not full time, but consistently employed for seventeen years at my present workplace) and have an active social life and varied activities. However, I don't see much progress in the area of love and dating. I hope one day to be successful in that area.

My life has vastly improved from my situation in 2011-2012, when I thought my life was nearly over. I hope for continued improvements in the future.



BTDT
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05 Jul 2019, 9:52 am

I made a big jump socially in my mid 30s. I am doing it again in my mid 50s, with the experience of a LTR.
There is so much I understand now that I missed when I was younger. It helped that I had a partner that would discuss social situations.



aspieprincess123
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07 Jul 2019, 9:34 am

I can feel for you on this as I feel the same.

I am 34 and I have and still am struggling and in some ways I would say I'm 10 to 15 years less mature than my age.

Thankfully I now have a stable job with decent pay but even after spending my money on doing a degree I was still not anywhere with my life as I was stuck at home with my parents and not even capable of loving alone.

I had a massive curve ball when I fell in love with my current partner and we moved in first with my parents and right away I noticed that he always wanted to make his own tea, do his own washing and ironing he was for all intents self sufficient.

Me I was not I remember been 25 and my parents going away and they getting me to stay at my aunt's as they didn't want me home alone.

Further hurts that my degree is been barely used but my partner works in a IT job role and he easily earns over 35 to 37k pounds a year easily without any overtime that's more than double my income and i have a degree.

I admit at times I get jealous that he's so self sufficient and he earns double my salary but he is so loving and caring.



FletcherArrow
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03 Nov 2019, 5:42 pm

bicentennialman wrote:
Hello, everybody.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's in my late 20's, and it went a long way toward explaining a lot of my strengths and weaknesses throughout my life.

At the time, I was struggling to complete a Master's degree while living on my own (well, sharing an apartment with another student), and I felt like I just barely made it. But now it's 10 years later, and I'm still living at home with my parents and working from home as an online copyeditor.

I like the work, and I seem to be good at it, but it isn't paying well enough for me to do much more than pay for my own health insurance, so it definitely wouldn't be enough to live on. My parents have been very loving and supportive my entire life, so there's never been any problem with me living with them-- I'm often able to help around the house, but as a whole it's not a very demanding life.

But something has changed that has me thinking about whether I can move out on my own: I have fallen in love. :heart: A little more than five years ago, I met a young woman through internet contact who also has Asperger's. It was so amazing to finally spend time with someone whose mind worked like mine-- she has been a tremendous encouragement to me, and I have done all I can to encourage her. We have visited each other many times over the years, and my family and hers have become good friends.

I can't help but dream about marriage, but I still feel so far from being independent enough to support myself, let alone another person. I fear that if I don't do something, I'll coast on as I have been and miss out on a lot of happiness.

But I don't really know what to do-- I think it's hard for Aspies to dream about concrete future plans. My college degrees are so far in the past now that I don't know if they are worth anything to prospective employers. I can try to do more copyediting, but I feel like I'm close to the limit of what I can do in a day without giving myself headaches from the screen time. Sometimes I daydream about creating some phone app or computer game that millions of people use and makes me rich, but I know that's not a realistic expectation.

Hmm. Not expecting anyone to have an easy answer. The fact is, my life is really very good, and I feel blessed. But I also worry about the future. Is there anyone here who feels they are in a similar place, or who once was? What did you do?



I only found your posting now and you are not alone. I completed a doctorate in my 40s and met my one true love at 52, already too old for children and a conventional family, and will end up marrying for the first time at age 60.

Brother, you are not alone.



shortfatbalduglyman
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03 Nov 2019, 8:21 pm

Likewise except no romance or master degree

Just bachelor degree

2007

Only minimum wage jobs and fired

Too late to use stupidass degree s**t



kraftiekortie
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07 Nov 2019, 5:26 am

You’re 15 years younger than me. You’re still a young guy.

Good luck!



jimmy m
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07 Nov 2019, 9:24 am

aspieprincess123 wrote:
I can feel for you on this as I feel the same.

I am 34 and I have and still am struggling and in some ways I would say I'm 10 to 15 years less mature than my age.

Thankfully I now have a stable job with decent pay but even after spending my money on doing a degree I was still not anywhere with my life as I was stuck at home with my parents and not even capable of loving alone.

I had a massive curve ball when I fell in love with my current partner and we moved in first with my parents and right away I noticed that he always wanted to make his own tea, do his own washing and ironing he was for all intents self sufficient.

Me I was not I remember been 25 and my parents going away and they getting me to stay at my aunt's as they didn't want me home alone.

Further hurts that my degree is been barely used but my partner works in a IT job role and he easily earns over 35 to 37k pounds a year easily without any overtime that's more than double my income and i have a degree.

I admit at times I get jealous that he's so self sufficient and he earns double my salary but he is so loving and caring.


Much about what I learned about the Asperger species I learned by watching a popular sitcom called “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” which aired from 1959 to 1963. It took place during the Beatnik generation when the different species of Aspies were fairly well intermingled. Aspies tend to fall into three main groups. There is the group that falls into science and mathematics. Today they are referred to under the general abbreviation STEM = Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics. Another species is the artist and great muscians. The third group are the writers, screenwriters, poets, comedians.

Since your husband falls into the STEM group, do you fall into one of the other groupings. If so I would recommend that you focus you attention into developing that trait. This is where you special interest lies.



kraftiekortie
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07 Nov 2019, 10:24 am

Man...I really liked that nerdy, science girl on Dobie Gillis!

She twitched her nose so cutely.

I never understood why Dobie didn't dig her.



aspieprincess123
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07 Nov 2019, 12:02 pm

jimmy m wrote:
aspieprincess123 wrote:
I can feel for you on this as I feel the same.

I am 34 and I have and still am struggling and in some ways I would say I'm 10 to 15 years less mature than my age.

Thankfully I now have a stable job with decent pay but even after spending my money on doing a degree I was still not anywhere with my life as I was stuck at home with my parents and not even capable of loving alone.

I had a massive curve ball when I fell in love with my current partner and we moved in first with my parents and right away I noticed that he always wanted to make his own tea, do his own washing and ironing he was for all intents self sufficient.

Me I was not I remember been 25 and my parents going away and they getting me to stay at my aunt's as they didn't want me home alone.

Further hurts that my degree is been barely used but my partner works in a IT job role and he easily earns over 35 to 37k pounds a year easily without any overtime that's more than double my income and i have a degree.

I admit at times I get jealous that he's so self sufficient and he earns double my salary but he is so loving and caring.


Much about what I learned about the Asperger species I learned by watching a popular sitcom called “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” which aired from 1959 to 1963. It took place during the Beatnik generation when the different species of Aspies were fairly well intermingled. Aspies tend to fall into three main groups. There is the group that falls into science and mathematics. Today they are referred to under the general abbreviation STEM = Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics. Another species is the artist and great muscians. The third group are the writers, screenwriters, poets, comedians.

Since your husband falls into the STEM group, do you fall into one of the other groupings. If so I would recommend that you focus you attention into developing that trait. This is where you special interest lies.


My degree does not fall into the STEM group.

My degree with information analysis which I enjoyed though I needed help at times. My partner is a network engineer and in terms of academic qualifications he's lower than me but I feel wrong to admit that I'm jealous as he earns double my income easily without any overtime and he usually does some so one year he came out with 46k before taxes.

He is also highly skilled he often has contacts offering him job offers but he stays where he is at cause it's close to home.

Sometimes I wonder if I am better been a housewife lol but I until recently he used to do most of the housework leaving me as one friend said a pampered and kept woman child.