Early 40's - getting sized up more?

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since I started socialising again after a long break...I noticed young blokes in their 20's get on with their life for the most part and are focussed on their goals...two blokes my age have acted like they are in the playground with the pettiness jealousy and disputes over nothing.

Yeah, that really says a lot.

There's a guy on Youtube called Theramin Trees, interesting channel and admittedly he beats up on both organized religion and narcissistic abuse a bit like they're on and the same (admittedly there's a lot of overlap in many places) but he does sort of make the point that people with cluster B personality disorders seem to run the world, that other people are afraid of them, and in your instance it's okay if someone whose a violent POS that everyone is afraid of attacks you, but if there's so much as a rumor of you doing anything like that then you're ruined. Really important to breath that one in deep and say "I won't be gaslit - I won't be gaslit - I won't be gaslit - I won't be turned against myself - I won't be turned against myself - I've seen it for what it is - I won't be gaslit".


If it was them they not only wouldn't get over it - after all they're all-important bronzed gods and goddesses, how dare anyone!! ! - they'd lose their isht to such a degree that they'd either be in prison, rehab, or in the ground. "Just get over it" clearly means something quite different than what the definitions of those words strung together would suggest.

Yeah, it could be that some guys in their late 30's and beyond, having not achieved their goals, need to take it out anyone they can who isn't them.

I saw that collaborative lul in stupidity in my 20's and mistook it for adulthood, sadly I'm afraid it's either temporary or just a side effect of having been around people who were actually doing things with their lives (ie. college classmates and the like). My martial arts group is pretty mellow as well and that's another case of people self-selecting based on actually having interests.

Found this article here.

This sort of thing probably varies by locale, and by cultural group within a locale.

If you don't mind telling us, what country do you live in, and, if you live in a large country, what state/province/region or nearest major metro area? Also, do you live in a city, a suburb, or a rural area?

I live in a US 'rust belt' suburb.

It does seem like that.

I thought I was the only one. When I got closer to 40 my peers started judging the living s**t out of me. Like more harshly then when I was young. I feel like I have to try to fit in now more so then ever. I won’t go into detail, but I seriously wished I would have had self confidence being a little weird, rather than worrying what other people think. I’m not well now because I tried to hard to fit in with my peers approaching 40. I wish I would have just had self confidence and been my weird self.

But I understand what you’re saying I’ve noticed that too. Would have been worth it to be my weird self and just have others disapprove rather than make myself sick trying to fit in.

But I know it’s just human nature to want to belong but health is important too.

i certainly can't compare to the cognitive geniuses above, but i can still offer my own experience for dealing with the toxic consensus reality we all have to deal with. my life, such that it is a life, only really began on something remotely close to my own terms, when i was able to leave the rat race behind and cloister myself in hermithood or as i call it, "a monkhood sans order." out here in the sticks, it is basically just me and my pen pals, all of whom are thousands of miles away for the most part. just nature. the wind whistling through the trees/greenery. bird and chipmunks and deer [and wolves and tigers and bears deeper in the woods. peace. only make the long drive into town for groceries on saturday afternoons. i would have gone for deliveries of groceries if they offered them, but i found that a local scientist/inventor in town offers free tesla treatments which has ameliorated a number of my senior medical ailments, so that is one reason to keep driving into town. hell is largely other people and this is the only way i can think of to avoid people, living like i do now. so i guess this leads me into saying that all my life i have been sized up one way or the other by all variety of brassholes out there in this hellworld dystopia. so it is old hat, i did not experience any upswing in this activity after the age of 40, perhaps due to the fact that people couldn't tell precisely how old i was [i held onto my youth for at least 20 years after most people became visibly grayed and wrinkled/age-spotted].

Out of curiosity where are you now - ie. still within five years of it, ten, twenty?

I ask because part of this, and I tried asking a question on Quora about this sort of thing and it was just a honey trap for Law of Attraction sorts to tell me I was doing it all to myself with my negative beliefs 'showing on my skin' (my understanding of this - people can't read each other, they just like to think they can, if they could read each other the world wouldn't be filled with people constantly getting conned, horrible relationships happening when confidence in a potential partner turns out to be dark triad traits, etc. etc.).

The question I was really trying to ask on Quora is, with this set and setting, is 40 a relative peak of some type of insecurity and angst bubble, where all of this starts to taper off in my 50's and 60's, or does it even get more nasty and more covert later, like getting chased around by people's attorneys for make-believe stories or property infractions? I'd really like to think there's a way to get ahead of the next few humps if the 40 age range is just the next big idiocy hump after puberty and particularly if there are more to follow.

I'm 37. Life seems to get more serious as you get older. I don't know the answer because I don't know you personally. But yes even when I was well I was getting criticized more, the closer to 40 I got. I think with me it's because I'm so "young". My parents will die someday maybe the getting closer to 40 thing makes most people realize that their parents won't be around forever. So it makes people become more serious and mature. And they become more aware of their own mortality too. And they want to feel like they have something in life of importance that brings them joy. Say, if they don't have a family, maybe a pet or friends or a hobby they love. People want to feel proud about something at 40. But the way this world is right now it's all about personal empowerment. And people behave like jerks because of the drive of sex and money. That is just nature. If you have that perspective it wil make more sense. Nature doesnt pity. Western culture fools us into believing it should. The wisest people know it never will. So if someone doesn't look mature enough at 40 maybe people become as*holes.

Maybe this is why people have a mid life crises. I'm certainly not where I want to be at 37. Well. I'm dying actually. And I thought making it to at least 37 would make me happy. But instead, because I was dying I just felt old. It sucks not having the same maturity as your peers. Yes.

But just be happy your alive. Oh and the answer might be yes you have to go through stupid judgement humps in life.

If you are afraid dealing with people is going to get harder and harder maybe you could try moving to an area with less competition? Like one of the above posters said he did.

I personally hate living in an area with a large amount of people. They become more competitive and less forgiving. It also depends where you live too I guess. I'll bet its more easy to live in Maine than it is LA.

I don't know maybe it's hard everywhere now. Our generation was the beginning of the collapse. The good old days are gone. The snake is eating it's tail. I'd like to live in nature instead of dealing with this crap. I'd like to be away from everyone.

i don't believe i'd survive long in one piece if i lived in the bible/rust belt, i likely would have been dealt with harshly by some fascism-loving brasshole by now if i lived there. i've heard bullying horror stories. on the coasts at least, people tend to mind their own business, has been my experience so far.