Why promote something if most people don't take it ?

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chris1989
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06 Feb 2023, 9:22 am

I remember someone saying about the idea of trying to promote the idea of having children to both women and men in the early 20s because they were concerned about the ''worrying'' trend of people putting it off and off and because of the fact that women and men in their 40s and over are having more children than they ever did in the past. But the thing is why promote the idea if a large number of people don't want to think about it too early ?

I know that unlike my parents, my grandparents had my parents a lot younger, my dad's mum and dad had him when they were both 22 and my mum's mum and dad had her when they were 24 and 25. But I seem to think expectations for people were different back then than what they are now. I wasn't thinking about then because mentally I didn't feel ready for it and seemed like it was ''too early'' and I still feel like I'm not ''ready'' when it seems like a person in their mid/late 20s and early 30s should be well ready by that time.



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2023, 9:32 am

Many people have children in their 40s, and do fine.



Quantum duck
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06 Feb 2023, 2:28 pm

I think the point of promoting a thing is to get people to do it who aren’t doing it.

If everyone is already doing it, there’s no point in promoting it.

If you’re promoting it and people still aren’t doing it, well, apparently either you aren’t very good at promoting or your thing is dreadful.

As for children, My grandmother had her first child in her 30s. My mom had me by choice at 24 and my brother by surprise at 26. I had my first by choice at 23. My brother was surprised at 32. Dd waited until 28. Ds is 28 and childless. Dd2 is 26 and single. They were all planned.



chris1989
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06 Feb 2023, 7:25 pm

Another thing is, what if someone is not in a very good financial situation ? And if that is the case, is it always a good idea for a person to rush having child regardless of whether their financial situation is good or bad and whether you are wealthy, quite wealthy or poor ?



chris1989
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06 Feb 2023, 7:34 pm

Quantum duck wrote:
I think the point of promoting a thing is to get people to do it who aren’t doing it.

If everyone is already doing it, there’s no point in promoting it.

If you’re promoting it and people still aren’t doing it, well, apparently either you aren’t very good at promoting or your thing is dreadful.

As for children, My grandmother had her first child in her 30s. My mom had me by choice at 24 and my brother by surprise at 26. I had my first by choice at 23. My brother was surprised at 32. Dd waited until 28. Ds is 28 and childless. Dd2 is 26 and single. They were all planned.


Some members of your family must have really wanted children. That's great, I just can't quite understand why I and maybe many other people feel less keen on having children. I have an uncle who got married to his ex wife when he was I think 33 and she in her late 20s and they both never had kids and now is married to a lady with children and they are now his children and they both seem to be a happy couple.



Quantum duck
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06 Feb 2023, 8:09 pm

Some people just don’t want children. My brother didn’t want them until he had one.

Some people have rich lives full of friends.

I don’t really do friends, and without my kids I would be lonely.

Some people don’t like little kids and make great step parents.

I don’t think You should have kids unless they are a really high priority. If you would have been a great parent and loved it, but don’t have kids, that is sad for you. But if you have kids and do a half @$$ed or lousy job, that screws up somebody else.

I understand pushing earlier parenting from a health and cost standpoint (fertility treatments and care for premies push up insurance premiums) and I understand that we have some population issues we don’t seem to want to solve through immigration. But I think pressuring people to have kids before they are ready, or at all, is stupid.



kraftiekortie
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07 Feb 2023, 7:37 am

I probably would have been irresponsible had I been a parent.

I sort of regret not having kids….but I feel it might have been for the best.

I “should” be a grandpa. I’m 62 years old.



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07 Feb 2023, 7:45 am

Personally, if I'd known I was going to have a child, I'd have done it earlier. Much earlier. Perhaps the promotion of it comes from people like me who, having done it as an older person, wishes they'd done it sooner.

The reason I wish I'd done it sooner is simple. I wasted my late teens and twenties and most of my thirties really. I didn't know what I wanted to do then. I was just starting to get myself together in my late thirties and, well, kids are basically the end of your personal interests and ambitions for the next 15-20 years.

Plus you have so much more energy when you're younger. Kids are draining at any age, but more so when you're older.

I look at my sister, who had her child at 19, and got her life back at 37. She knew who she was and what she wanted to do by then and had the freedom to do it.

I'm know some people do have their ambitions and plans in place by the time they're 20 and want to get their careers sorted first, so my advice isn't right for them. But if you don't have a clue what you want to do and you know you'll want kids at some point, my advice is to do it in your 20s and get it out of the way.


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auntblabby
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15 Feb 2023, 4:26 am

chris1989 wrote:
Another thing is, what if someone is not in a very good financial situation ? And if that is the case, is it always a good idea for a person to rush having child regardless of whether their financial situation is good or bad and whether you are wealthy, quite wealthy or poor ?

in this country, many people judge one harshly based merely on lack of financial talent, which is too often conflated with every character flaw imaginable. so that is a complicating factor in this subject.



nick007
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17 Feb 2023, 12:03 pm

auntblabby wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Another thing is, what if someone is not in a very good financial situation ? And if that is the case, is it always a good idea for a person to rush having child regardless of whether their financial situation is good or bad and whether you are wealthy, quite wealthy or poor ?

in this country, many people judge one harshly based merely on lack of financial talent, which is too often conflated with every character flaw imaginable. so that is a complicating factor in this subject.
The negative assumptions are a common excuse people in power use to justify income inequality. The poor are the wealthy's & powerful's scapegoats. I think more families are planing to have kids later these days at least partly due to the financial reasons. The middle-class is rapidly shrinking & more families require a two person income in order to live paycheck to paycheck. People cant really afford to miss paychecks & risk losing their jobs for pregnancy & needing to take their kids to school & such things.

My parents had me when they were 30. They were very poor when they 1st got married & both worked alot. They were a bit better off financially by the time I was born & owned their own home & were no longer renting. It was good that my parents waited till then because I was an expensive kid due to my disabilities & health issues & my parents needing to miss work to take me to appointments; my dad was self-employed & didn't get paid when he missed work & my mom woulda lost her job if she missed too much work. Plus I had to go to private schools cuz I had more problems in public 1s. In a way it woulda been better for me if my parents woulda been a bit better off financially than they currently were at the time. In case anyone is wondering, a lot of my health issues are genetic things that are supposedly inherited but I don't have any known family members with some of those problems. I may of just drew the shortest straw with genes/DNA or there's more going on like medical professionals majorly screwing up :shrug:


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Dial1194
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01 Apr 2023, 6:11 am

Many people might not want it. But some people are going to listen to and be influenced by anything.