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lotusblossom
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09 Aug 2010, 3:28 am

how would you handle this situation or what do you think is the best way of handleing this situation?

I left another forum as me and my ex could not stop fighting on it, however he now is posting on here again after not coming here for 6 months.

Its very difficult situation, its hard reading his posts and not either feeling cross or missing him.

I am strongly of the opinion that the best thing to do is for me to leave the forum, however that would leave me very lonely as I dont have any real life friends.

If I stay I need to be able to find a way where I dont end up either flaming him or hanging off his every word in desperate longing.

what do you think is the best thing to do? what would you do?

should I just leave the forum, give it a clean break?



criss
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09 Aug 2010, 4:06 am

Hi Lotus......nice to hear you.

My experience with this kind of thing
is that the intensity of emotion
(longing/ loathing) soon passes.

The fourms are a life-line so be
careful not to cut YOURS.

It might be useful to draw up some
bottom lines with re not looking
up his postsand trying to stick
to them however tempting it might
be to sneek a look.

Here at WP there is plenty of room
to move compared with the smaller
sites that can easily become
oppressive in such situations.

Wishing you well and much love to
you from London.

Cx


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blue_bean
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09 Aug 2010, 4:19 am

You could always block his posts using the greasemonkey plugin for Firefox.

It's here in the FAQ in WP discussion: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp688875.html#688875



lotusblossom
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09 Aug 2010, 4:57 am

blue_bean wrote:
You could always block his posts using the greasemonkey plugin for Firefox.

It's here in the FAQ in WP discussion: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp688875.html#688875

I down loaded greasemonkey but when I clicked on the 'hide user java script' it came up with an error message :? I dont know how to do that myself.



lotusblossom
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09 Aug 2010, 4:59 am

criss wrote:
Hi Lotus......nice to hear you.

My experience with this kind of thing
is that the intensity of emotion
(longing/ loathing) soon passes.

The fourms are a life-line so be
careful not to cut YOURS.

It might be useful to draw up some
bottom lines with re not looking
up his postsand trying to stick
to them however tempting it might
be to sneek a look.

Here at WP there is plenty of room
to move compared with the smaller
sites that can easily become
oppressive in such situations.

Wishing you well and much love to
you from London.

Cx

Thanks so much Chris, its been so long since I last saw you! we must catch up soon!

I hope the feelings do pass soon, its horrible :cry:

I need to have more self disapline, Im not good at not looking :( perhaps I can use it as an exercise in self control.

much love to you too Chris! :sunny:



Asp-Z
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09 Aug 2010, 5:50 am

Ahh, I know how that feels. You could either try making piece with your ex (of course, I don't know your situation, so I don't know if that's possible), or just try and forget it. Something I've noticed about those types of feelings is that they tend to fade once you're faced with them a lot - it's as if you get used to it.



lotusblossom
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09 Aug 2010, 5:53 am

Asp-Z wrote:
Ahh, I know how that feels. You could either try making piece with your ex (of course, I don't know your situation, so I don't know if that's possible), or just try and forget it. Something I've noticed about those types of feelings is that they tend to fade once you're faced with them a lot - it's as if you get used to it.


no I cant make peace with him, everytime we even speak at all we get back together.

hopefully it will have the effect you suggest and I will get used to it and the feelings will fade, though we have been split up for over a month and the feelings are not fading in the slightest :(



Lene
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09 Aug 2010, 12:56 pm

Dunno. It's definitely difficult. Maybe just accept that you will feel some emotion and let it wash over you and just go 'meh'. Don't respond/quote his posts and just ignore each other.

Or you could take a holiday from WP for a while until you feel emotionally stronger. Do you have another site that you feel comfortable hanging around?

Also, probably best not to create threads about each other (or relating to your relationship) on mutual forums. It just keeps the dead relationship in zombie mode.



lotusblossom
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09 Aug 2010, 1:05 pm

Lene wrote:
Dunno. It's definitely difficult. Maybe just accept that you will feel some emotion and let it wash over you and just go 'meh'. Don't respond/quote his posts and just ignore each other.

Or you could take a holiday from WP for a while until you feel emotionally stronger. Do you have another site that you feel comfortable hanging around?

Also, probably best not to create threads about each other (or relating to your relationship) on mutual forums. It just keeps the dead relationship in zombie mode.

your right.

Ive decided its best to leave anyway.



Lene
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09 Aug 2010, 10:05 pm

ok, hope to see you back again sometime though, maybe when you're over the worst bit of the heartbreak :)



OneStepBeyond
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14 Aug 2010, 9:35 am

:( i hope you come back



League_Girl
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14 Aug 2010, 12:01 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
how would you handle this situation or what do you think is the best way of handleing this situation?

I left another forum as me and my ex could not stop fighting on it, however he now is posting on here again after not coming here for 6 months.

Its very difficult situation, its hard reading his posts and not either feeling cross or missing him.

I am strongly of the opinion that the best thing to do is for me to leave the forum, however that would leave me very lonely as I dont have any real life friends.

If I stay I need to be able to find a way where I dont end up either flaming him or hanging off his every word in desperate longing.

what do you think is the best thing to do? what would you do?

should I just leave the forum, give it a clean break?


I would just stop reading his posts. You can install firefox and install greasemonkey and put your ex on ignore so you won't see his posts. It makes it easier than having to skip them and catching a glimpse of them.



lotusblossom
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19 Aug 2010, 4:11 pm

Im leaveing WP

so dont worry, Im not dead :D



MissConstrue
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19 Aug 2010, 9:49 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
Im leaveing WP

so dont worry, Im not dead :D


Good to know.

Sorry to hear that sometimes I also feel ignored here. I think a great way to handle is just to get away from it for a while. This is what I do lest I dwell in the negative.

As for the rest, I agree with many of the posters, you have the option through firefox or greasemonkey to block him although I've never tried it. Too complicated for me. I just assume ignore posters who get personal with me and yes it can be hard.


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04 Oct 2010, 4:13 pm

You don't have to leave WP, all you have to do is not read any posts by him or about him, and not talk about him.


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Cicero
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10 Oct 2010, 8:06 pm

Since I protect my anonymity, my ex could be here pouring her heart out and I could be offering comfort without knowing it. Having said that, she has very different issues than I do and I imagine there are other forums she enjoys.

We had to work together and raise the kids for 10 years. That was painful, but I did what I had to out of love for my children.