lonliness and getting older

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At age 51, I find the idea of getting old is very disturbing. On the other hand, I have learned how to handle myself at work better and behave in a way that causes less conflict. I think someone has to be pretty intuitive to see I am asp, but I still struggle with it on the inside. Though since I work with computers, I think there is a lot of asp floating around the office.

Adults are much more polite and supportive of people that struggle--be it handicapped, poor, or behavior problems or what have you. Savage cruelty is more the realm of kids. I know I regret cruel things I did as a kid, and I suspect many others do as well. We had a kid in our class that was very strongly asp or autistic. He got picked on a lot. At a class reunion I recalled classmates making a point of saying nice things about him like "He's smart, but just in a different way." I won't mention his special obsessive subject in case he is here, but we all knew what it was and heard a lot of monologues on it.

He got a college degree, and at a reunion asked me if I knew anybody who would like to hire him. I just wanted to cry...

Great this is what I have to look forward to and I've already had a tough time as it is with being accepted..

I didn't intend my post to instill despair. I still struggle at times, but its not the hell on earth I had as a child. I am financially successful and have a loving wife and adult children. Still have social anxiety and a dread of saying the wrong thing and offending someone, but its a good life, and things could have turned out far worse...

And my classmate overcame some very strong problems to get a college degree. Sure he would have trouble finding a job, but if he could get through college, he could eventually get a job. Lots of people have trouble getting a job after college.

I decided not to have kids until I could support them without drawing from their natural inheritance. That kind of vocation never did pay enough, but then, I never knew that people actually wanted kids for more than appearances until late in life. I used to have friends with and without kids - it didn't seem to be a huge issue, as the ones with kids had the full range from babies to college, time-shared fairly often. (Definition of Confusion: Father's Day on Denman Island.

Since I moved (see intro) I'm very isolated except for a weekly visit from one friend, bi or tri-weekly counselor visits, and the 'net. I'm a new guy in a small town, from far away. Most people here would leave if they didn't have family here. I'm the only vegetarian in an area with more cows, (and deer) than people, and I can't eat at a table with an animal funeral going on. I don't go to church. There are a lot of retired farmers around town, but we have nothing in common. I'm still hoping to get back to work. I'm starting to do chores for one crippled neighbor, to get some exercise and positive gossip. Helping with the annual fair and the Santa Parade has made me familiar and trusted to a few people. I still find it weird that most people wave at each other, including me. I feel like the Queen. Presumably, a lot more of them have heard of me, than I of them. They don't need any new friends, though; they have known everyone else since school.

Yes I believe that as you get older variety decreases. I think its because as humans we learn how to be. Adolescents try many different things and that is acceptable for them but then it is expected that as you grow older you have found your niche and that is all you should do. I am 40 and I know that I am not as open and adventurous as I was at 20. I think we all find our comfortable niche and stick to it. Especially as we know that as we grow older we will be less able bodied so must find out way to be....If that makes sense.

One thing that has kept novelty in my life is my pattern of trashing my life from time to time. When I was 17, I left home for a summer job and never went back. At 21, I joined a group offering free meditation lessons, cutting off contact with all my less spiritual friends. At one point, I was in a residence for two years before I stopped feeling like the new guy. I then realized I had been there longer than anyone else. I left there at 27 for a whole new career. I got married at 40, and let my wife cut off all my previous friends but one. He died just after my divorce seven years later, and it took years to make a few new friends. At 57, I had a crisis brought on by an accident, and soon realized that I only had fair-weather friends.

I tend to go along with anybody who is slightly interesting, giving them the benefit of the doubt many times until I have just had enough, and suddenly decide we really have nothing in common.

I completely agree with you. I think we have less opportunities for interaction as well. I know I tend to isolate myself more now than when I was 20. Bars are dumb places to meet people who are smart. Less energy to deal with rejection as real world responsibilities pile up, so less chances are taken?

the outer world becomes yet more hackneyed and the inner world becomes ever more grand. aside from a further accumulation of aches and pains, i look forward to [god-willing] yet more hard-won wisdom and equanimity as well.

I am similar. I always trash my life every couple of years or so. My job, friends, outlook, and attitude all change dramatically and I end up doing something that I never imagined.

Oh no it's not your fault. I'm experiencing lonliness so much so for the first time in my life as I get older. The very few people of whom I felt the closest to, my grandmother and a close friend are now dead. Now the fear is real. I use to think that someday I'd find someone but I know now it's almost impossible. I also use to think I'd be able just to live on my own away from my annoying dad....and here I am.

I just look forward to getting old and with aches and sores and finally death.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 24 Oct 2010, 7:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

My experience also.

beautiful.

I like my life infinitely more now than I did in my teens and 20's. My Aspie symptoms are more manageable, and I'm able to get through situations much better than I used to.

So no, getting older does not equate to loneliness for me.

glad ya liked it