Living on my own for a year. Need help coping w/ loneliness.

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FlintsDoorknob
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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24 Mar 2011, 1:41 am

I think the thread title says it all.

I was kicked out of home, bounced around a couple of places. (5 differen't homes in 6 months.)

It's extremely hard being alone. I just tend to go online a lot. It's not that satisfying.

I'm starting to walk, talk to friends and go out a bit more regularily. I don't go to school or have a job so I have SO MUCH FREE TIME. Too much free time!! I think too much and get lonely too easy. If my friends do see me it doesn't feel satisfying because I only see them for a few hours cause they actually have jobs.

Help please. :(



computerlove
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24 Mar 2011, 2:05 am

Hi man and semi-welcome to WP (:

What I've found fulfills me is to have projects, entrepeneurial projects is you want to call them that way. They fill my life, find a way to fill your life.

This book btw saved me: Viktor Frankl's Search for Meaning. $10 bucks, about 50 pages,
tons of great advice from a concetration camp survivor.


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ToughDiamond
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24 Mar 2011, 5:57 am

Hmmm....some kind of contact with people but it's not that satisfying. What's missing?

If you've got a lot of free time, try taking up a special interest or two.



Kiran
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24 Mar 2011, 6:52 am

Get a pet.


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Lene
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24 Mar 2011, 7:10 am

Kiran wrote:
Get a pet.


Seconded. Also, try volunteering; unlike a set job, often you can choose your hours and it's a great way to kill time and meet people.

This place (wrongplanet) is good, but be careful not to get addicted. It's like Hotel California here...



bee33
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24 Mar 2011, 10:49 pm

I've been in similar shoes and know how you feel. Perhaps you could try taking on projects that are very engaging so they take you mind off things, like learning web design, doing extensive art projects or craft projects, writing a book, or learning to build or repair things (someone in another thread suggested locksmithing).

But it's great that you have some people you see occasionally. It means a lot to have at least someone. Can you talk to them on the phone, perhaps call them more often?



poppyfields
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25 Mar 2011, 12:04 am

Are you on disability? I'm just interested how you are financially supported.

Special interests are fun, but sometimes they make me feeel more isolated. Maybe you could find people in your community who share that interest?



YippySkippy
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25 Mar 2011, 8:07 am

Getting a pet and/or volunteering sound like good ideas.

Perhaps you could also become a member of some religious organization? They often do charitable works and hold little festivals and such. I used to be quite active in a church, but then I became an atheist and felt it would be hypocritical to continue attending. Now I'm more of an agnostic/seeker/whatever, and I'm thinking of taking it up again for purely social reasons. Plus, as a parent raising children in a Judeo-Christian society, it would probably be good for them to have some idea what the inside of a church looks like. :lol:



Choala
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13 Apr 2011, 5:29 pm

Living alone can be really lonely. What others say, volunteering and having a pet do work. If you live in a small town, it can be hard to find volunteers work that fits you, so it isn't always an option.

I have a dog, which is a pretty good cure for loneliness. People at the dog park are really social people and will talk to just about anyone who has a dog. If you don't want to be bound to much (which is what happens when you have a dog), volunteer to friends with jobs and dogs to walk their dog; you can actually make new friends this way.

What also works really great is to join an organization. If you're interested in politics, join a party that's locally active. If you're interested in the environment, there are many groups on that subject. Or, if you want something less extreme, go to the gym or pick up an instrument and take classes. There are so many possibilities.

For me, it's pretty scary to join a club. The stress of meeting new people, socializing, the fear of being an outcast. But it's an important skill to learn; crossing your own boundaries.



RedHanrahan
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14 Apr 2011, 3:30 pm

I don't intend this rudely, but really you need to get used to it, learn to be alone not lonely.

One of the greatest character building breakthroughs a person can make is to learn to be comfortable with oneself, lonliness is a low form of anxiety, a need for distraction, learning to relax and be comfortable alone is a great empowerment, it means never needing to put up with anyone elses nonsense just to avoid being alone, it means giving other people your time and energy because you want to not because you need to, it sets you free.

Admitedly I find it hard to understand lonliness as I am effectively asocial [indifferent to other peoples company, don't confuse this with being antisocial however, it is just that I have plenty to read, excersise to take, music to listen to etc...].

You have friends, presumably you have interests, learn to enjoy solitude.

peace j


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