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zport
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04 Apr 2011, 2:08 pm

Hi,

I am in a situation where my work is just unbearable, it has bit by bit dragged me down. My dilemma that i have contemplated for over a year now is how to end it. And i realise that it might continue this way until i cant get out of bed anymore. I just dont seem to find a way how to leave work. now i am in a condition that finding and managing any other type of job seems unthinkable. Just quit and live on saved money and sell out stuff i dont use and use the time to gather my self and my strength and then find a job more suitable. Start studying. go on a loooong journey to a cheap place and just lay back. or be honest about my situation and get help. The thing about being honest scares me the most. then i am afraid that i will leave my home even less and only in nighttime, since then people will know and i will be considered a freak or its something wrong with me and i dont know how to handle others reactions or questions. and just thinking of that scenario of calling in sick because of anything else than my ordinary reasons like migraine or fever seems unthinkable.

When i think of quitting....i play alot of scenarios in my head....what reason for quitting shall i use? if i say i shall go on a travel, then i have to say where....but if i dont manage to get the travel plans into reality then when i will meet my co workers in town and they ask about my travel or what i do at home...it will just feel bad, guilty, ashamed and bring my self down even more...one more thing on the list i didnt manage to follow through with.....

this has just made me not say anything to anyone what i am about to do or plan....i have just stoped doing anything at all, to secure myself from putting myself down even more......and well....that hasnt made me feel better......so i am in a moment 22......

I am so frustrated that if i tell ONE person that i shall travel to that place or that place or starting to work there or there...then i HAVE to do that because i said so.......puh

Any help appreciated.

Thanks
/zport



jedaustin
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04 Apr 2011, 2:52 pm

Why not be completely honest with the management there?
You want to leave anyway so what's the worst they can do to you?
My advice is to attack it straight on in writing since if you're like me it is much easier to collect your thoughts that way.
I recently had about the same situation and got a mediocre employee evaluation citing 'customer service' issues.
In response I was 100% honest about my feelings, mentioned that I have Aspergers Syndrome, and spelled out each of the things that make me want to stay home. There as an obvious response from that and management even had a meeting to discuss my response (I did not pull any punches but I was civil about it). People started being much more agreeable and instead of ignoring my requests for more information when they submit vague help desk tickets they now comply and everyone is happier. They and I am much easier to work with. I still want to leave here but at least now I don't feel like I have to leave right now.



buckwheat
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04 Apr 2011, 9:04 pm

I'll add to that: state in simple words to yourself what kind of job you *do* want (geek in a closet or whatever) then tell them you are going to look for that kind of job. Perhaps they have such a position - stranger things have happened.



blauSamstag
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05 Apr 2011, 11:23 pm

jedaustin wrote:
My advice is to attack it straight on in writing since if you're like me it is much easier to collect your thoughts that way.


But don't show anyone the first draft.

I got myself fired that way a few times.



Moopants
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06 Apr 2011, 4:05 am

If you are unhappy in your job that isnt likely to get any better without major change.

If major change isnt likely in your place of employment then you have to find ways of making change to your life.

I left work as it was making me very ill and it was the best thing I could ever have done. I wont pretend its been easy and finding new work is going to be hard in the current economic climate but if you can be constructive about your time away from work it can actually do you favours.

Be honest with your work tho if you do leave. I like the others advice too, especially about not showing first drafts of letters to employers!

Speak to people you trust about how you think and feel about it (non work related) and see what they think.

Its all about having the confidence to make the leap. Change is scary but it can be good.



zport
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06 Apr 2011, 1:02 pm

Thanks guys for your replys,

My main problem is that i have been there and done that a couple of times before, so when i evaluate my options i realise that i have tried that before and it all still ended up in disaster. So it feels like i have emptied my options, i guess this is a adult asperger problem when you have tried so many ways to get relief and get back on track and you feel you are still in the same boat in the same waters coming nowere.

I have used so many tactics over the years to manage life to make it bearable, this time around i am fed up with it all, and just want to live my life without the constant pressure EVERY SECOND to navigate in a storm in unknown waters in the dark with no map.

Thanks again for your support, it helps alot instead of just rambling in my head with myself over and over again.

/zport



blauSamstag
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06 Apr 2011, 11:08 pm

I don't want to sound like I'm neurotypical or something but it sounds like you have more than one problem here.

Excuse me if my summary is excessively simplistic, but, the impressions i get are:

1: You have a soul crushing job

and

2: You're depressed about it.

I know from soul crushing. I spent 5 years in a chain of jobs that just made me more and more depressed.

We both know that nothing will change The Way You Are, but depression is a self-perpetuating malfunction that can be interrupted with drugs and therapy.

Consider getting either or both. Really. It can get better. If you're already on antidepressants, they aren't working. Try some other antidepressant. If your doctor doesn't have any good ideas, ask him if he can refer you to someone who has a clue.

And in your next job hunt, think about what aspects of your former employers didn't work for you, and ask your interviewers questions that would reveal if their work environment would be positive or negative for you.



MichaelDWhite
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08 Apr 2011, 5:59 am

I've been in a somewhat similar situation before and I fixed it by gracefully leaving the job. It took another 4 months to find another job but it was much better.

Since you say you've been in this situation before you need to decide if the problem is really with the jobs or with you. You can probably do that by analyzing the past situations and why the resolutions to them didn't work. Once you identify the cause you need to act aggressively changing the job or changing yourself. If you decide to work on yourself know that even though you can't cure Aspergers, you can effectively manage the depression and anxiety symptoms that come with it. As one of my therapists said, don't just sit there "do something therapeutic."



zport
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09 Apr 2011, 9:11 am

When analysing the situation and looking back at earlier experiences it is not the job in itself that is the problem, i switched totally 3 years ago when i went from working in front of a computer to now working in a supermarket. Just to find out i guess.

So taking on another job seems pointless, i mean i cant even clean my own house or help a friend painting their house without feeling totally stressed out.

I tried the other day to finally go to some stores and look for clothes, since i have been wearing the same stuff for years. i gathered myself for hours and prepared myself the best way possible and it was still a disaster, i came home with a same pair of underwear and socks that i bought 2 years ago and totally drained.

Theese kind of experience are not uplifting to say the least.