Has anyone had children?

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I wondered if there were any particular issues for having children with Aspergers (as a woman in particular) and how you coped?
I've recently had a bit of a change of heart.
I'm thinking of things like hospitals or looking after a new baby.

I am not sure what you mean by issues. Do you mean like health issues or complications or issues with parenting? What did you mean by "issues for having children with Asperger's?" Did you mean by having aspie kids or an aspie having kids? That sentence means both things so it's hard to know what you mean by it.

I mean someone with Aspergers going through pregnancy and having a new baby. Particularly from a woman's perspective as the one giving birth etc.
I'm not sure what as I have no experience myself so I mean whatever you make of the question. Pre-warned is pre prepared. I know I don't like hospitals and there is quite a bit of being examined and dealing with multiple medical staff. Maybe sensitivity issues or stress from change to routine, that type of thing?

I had more anxiety and I was more emotional. I expressed myself better and was more affectionate. I didn't have lot of pregnancy symptoms nor the complications. A little discomforts yeah but no compilations. But I lived through it and did my normal stuff like going for walks, cleaning, working, and I still kept on working when my legs get sore from being on them for a couple of hours. I just slow down as I work is all.


Labor wasn't bad at all and I would do it again if all of them were that way. I just had very bad cramping is all, they felt like I was constipated or had very bad menstrual cramps. Then it got worse and it was very bad pain but I lived with it. It came every couple of minutes and last about a minute and then I'd feel normal again. The contractions come and go and they get closer and closer together and the contractions last longer, even two minutes. There weren't many staff in the room when I was in labor and was put int he room. Maybe three staff the most. It's not like what you see on TV where there are tons of doctors and it's all chaotic. It wasn't like that at all. Plus I had an epidural to cut down the pain and it went away for a while and then came back around five AM and I didn't have my baby until 8:51 that morning. Time went by very fast and I was in pain for that long and I did fine with it. When I pushed him out of there, I felt nothing down there. I tore a little but that's it, I didn't need a c section or nothing, I had no complications during delivery either.

Plus you can bring your own items to the hospital with you like your computer and movies or video games or books to read. Things you like to do at home you can bring with. But because I was so exhausted due to lack of sleep, I didn't want to be online and I slept a lot and stayed in bed. I just felt so lazy I didn't want to get out of bed but had to force myself when I had to go to the bathroom or take my shower. I went almost two days without sleeping due to sleeping issues and also the fact the labor kept me up and I still couldn't get to sleep even after I had an epidural. But that night after I had my son, I was able to fall asleep but had to keep waking up to feed my son and boy it hurt to keep my eyes open.

I was just too tired to play my game or be online. I did internet a little bit but couldn't stay on it long. It even took me two days to make a post on Babycenter. I think I made a post here too but it took me like a day to make it. That's because I start and then stop and leave it like that without hitting the submit button.

You are only in the hospital for two more days after having your baby. I arrived around one thirty in the morning there and had my son in seven hours so I was there for two days. They all said my labor went fast. At first they didn't think I was having my baby until she checked me down there and saw I was having it. I didn't even act like I was having one was why and they said I did very good there and most women don't act that well.


You know you can do midwifes. You don't have to go to the hospital to have your baby. You can have it at home. Plus they are a lot cheaper. The worst that can happen is having a complication you have to be rushed to the hospital.

I loved being pregnant. I had no health problems (except for a bit of morning sickness at the start) and I've never felt more feminine in my life. The examinations were fine. My daughter is an IVF baby and, after being through all that, pregnancy exams were a dawdle. Labour was just 8 hours long, painful, but I'd do it again. I didn't enjoy being in hospital after the birth and just wanted to go home. But I had to stay for 48 hours, as I'd tested positive for Group B Strep (a very common infection, which has no effect on the mother, but can cause serious complications in the baby). My baby was fine. My husband stayed with me throughout the daytimes.

As for being a mother, I think I'm doing pretty well. My daughter is very well cared for (emotionally, physically and intellectually) and happy. She's on the waiting list for autism assessment and initial assessments suggest she probably has Aspergers. I'm fine with that and I'm in a good place emotionally, the majority of the time. She's a lot of work, but she's also an amazing little person, in so many ways. I believe I'm coping much better than an NT acquaintance with a daughter very like my own, with probable Aspergers. I see a positive future for my daughter, whereas she can't see beyond a disability/difference, needing to be overcome.

I had luckily never heard about Aspergers before I had my 3 children because I know I tend to over analyse everything.
I found the pregnancies very exciting. Only my second son has some autistic traits.

Thanks, that has made me a feel a bit better. I am a bit anxious, worried I would be overwhelmed.
No-one has said that it was terrible which is good. I like the sound of bringing familiar things, before I knew that I was considering persuading the hospital I would need something like TV to distract me.

Do lots of people visit you, or are you stuck in hospital bored? Can your husband stay? Also had bad is tearing-there is something about imagining it that makes me feel sick and worry about that, much more than pushing a baby out!

My in laws came after my husband called them about the birth. My cousin came, my aunt and uncle were there, my sister in law came too. My husband stayed with me in the hospital and he took care of the baby while I slept. Our baby stayed in the room with us and didn't go to the nursery. Then early in the morning I slept with my baby so my husband could sleep and I decided to stay up and take care of him since I finally got some sleep. They do make you eat though. I didn't want to eat because I didn't feel hungry due to the epidural I had so I had no feeling of starving either. But I ate anyway because I was told to. But the food they give you isn't very much so you do have to order more than one meal off the menu. Plus the rooms look homey than like a hospital room and it has a bed for the husband too.

I tore very little and felt nothing down there when I got stitched up.

I was never bored in the hospital. They have cable in the rooms and wi fi so you can bring the laptop and connect online and come here. But you might be too tired from what your body had gone through and might would rather rest than have fun. Plus if you had an epidural, you might feel lazy and not want to get out of bed and you won't feel the urge to go to the bathroom nor feel any hunger. But you can go to the bathroom by looking at the clock and go every few hours. Also eat anyway even if you don't feel hungry.

about hospitals and about taking care of new baby: both were major issues for me, though since the hospital stay is short, and taking care of baby verry longg, it is the baby part that's important.
Also: taking care of yourself after the birth is huge. I overlooked this and suffered consequences such as post-partem depression and almost psychotic break.
As for the hospital: bring a piece of paper with your rules, needs, and what you will and won't allow to happen there for you and baby, and make sure your md &/or midwife reads it.
Baby: love 110% and breast feed for the first 6 months at least.
Yourself: make sure you are very, very healthy, eat only good food, and do not ever neglect your needs. You are the baby's whole world for quite some time and if you are messed up in any way they absorb it instantly.
Relax. People have been doing babies for a long time.

I've got three kids (Katie 10 Patrick 4 Alanna 2). Unless I start thinking about what the experts say about Asperger's parents, I'm a pretty good mom. Unless I start obsessing about adherence to some arbitrary standard instead of doing it in the way that works for us, I'm a very happy mom.

I can give you a boatlod of advice based on my experiences. Tell me if you want it, so I don't drown you in things that were/are facts for me but may not be for you. Otherwise, the main thing is this: If you want to raise kids and put your mind to doing a good job and enjoying it, you will. If you don't, you won't. That's true for anyone, AS or NT.

Hi,
yes I'd be interested in your experiences BuyerBeware on the thread or PM.

Advice #1: Plan your kids. Unless you have huge reasons, space them more than 2 years apart. I think about 4 years would have been ideal for us. I love all my kids, but found it very hard to enjoy Patrick's toddlerhood and Alanna's infancy due to trying to juggle competing demands and still needing to have time to myself.

Advice #2: Memorize symptoms of things like ear aches, teething pain, et cetera. I could not read Katie's nonverbal cues and it was very stressful for me to not be able to understand why she would not stop screaming. We made six trips to the emergency room by the time she was six months old. Then her pediatrician printed me out a list of all the possible symptoms and helped my highlight her typical ones. I posted the list on the freezer door-- life got much better. Early infancy with the latter two was much more pleasant.

Advice #3: You will not feel very good doing this-- and some of the NTs in your life (especially your in-laws) will not like it-- but make sure you set aside and defend a reasonable amount of time for your interests. This is something every new parent needs to do, but it is more important for us because it both places limits on how much time our interests can take up and reassures us that they still have a place. It keeps me from becoming obsessive-- or resentful.

Advice #4: BABIES CRY. A lot. All three of my kids set off my auditory issues and stress tolerance. Alanna was the worst-- she has this high-pitched, ululating shriek that absolutely drives me insane (and at 2, she has figured out that I will do literally anything-- short of harming her-- to make it stop). Not flipping out over wailing Baby will help a lot, but there will come a time when you HAVE to walk away, both for Baby's safety and your sanity. When Baby won't calm down and you start to feel a meltdown coming on, enact the following protocol:
1) Make sure Baby is fed and burped (or given a dose of simethicone if a difficult burper-- Patrick was).
2) Make sure Baby is clean and dry.
3) Make sure Baby is not over/under dressed (lots of people overdress babies, because their hands and feet always feel cold). If Baby is red and/or Baby's trunk is hot (very warm to the touch), Baby is overdressed. Generally the same amount of clothing you are wearing (or one more layer in a very cool house) is sufficient. All my kids were happiest in nothing but a diaper, summer or winter.
4) Make sure Baby is not (badly) fevered or exhibiting signs of pain from the aforementioned list.
5) Make sure you have a secure place to put Baby (pack'n'play with very few toys, floor of babyproofed and gated room).
6) Leave Baby in the safe place. Shut the door. Set a timer for 10 to 20 minutes (longer as Baby gets older). Go do something that soothes you (confessionally, I tend to step onto the porch for tea and a ciggie).
7) If baby has not calmed, pick Baby up and spend another 15 to 20 minutes trying to either soothe Baby or find out what the problem is.
Repeat.
9) If Baby cannot be calmed by any means and continues to scream solidly for 2 hours, call the pediatrician. There may be something serious going on. He/she may just be able to help you figure out what to do. OR you may just be cursed with a colicky baby, in which case you are out of my field of experience. All I can do is offer my sympathy and refer you to the next piece of advice.

Advice #5: Have a handful of support people in your general vicinity that you can call on when you, your partner, or Baby are sick, when you're having a really bad day, when you or you and your partner need some time to just be to yourselves again, or when Screaming Baby Protocol isn't working and you can't keep it up any more. I had Patrick and Alanna both while we were living in Arkansas and I had no one but my spouse to call on. They did not get abused or neglected, but I would have been quite a bit less stressed if I'd had even a fraction of the extended family support I had when Katie was an infant.

Advice #6: DO NOT read about all the things that can go wrong with a fetus. I was a complete wreck through my first pregnancy because I could not stop thinking about spina bifida, anencephaly, hydrocephaly, heart defects, et cetera et cetera et cetera. Katie was almost 2 before I finally decided the risk of SIDS was behind us and I could stop watching her breathe. MAJOR killjoy.

Advice #7: Tell your OB/midwife about your AS. At the initial visit. Inform them of the various quirks of your particular case. If they dismiss you or react badly, find another caregiver, PRONTO. In my case, my greatest weakness is anxiety tolerance (or lack thereof). I kept my mouth shut with Katie, and then the CFNMP couldn't understand why I was always so upset. I told the second one and explained very carefully that I have almost no tolearance for anxiety/uncertainty, and it was a very good pregnancy. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to work with him when I got pregnant with Alanna. The guy I got instead dismissed the information about my AS as irrelevant-- and then proceeded to terrorize me throughout the third trimester. I told him when I had conceived; he insisted on dating the pregnancy by my last period, which had him estimating her age at 3 and 1/2 older than she actually was. He kept insisting that she was small for her gestational age (she was perfectly normal for her actual GA-- 24 days younger than he thought). By the time she was born (7 pounds 6 ounces and fine, thanks) I was a nervous wreck.

Advice #8: Inform the hospital where you plan to deliver of your needs at about 32 weeks gestation. Tell them AGAIN when you go to deliver. Tell them how to handle you-- DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO UNDERSTAND. Make sure it's written down, in large print, in as few words as possible. With Patrick, I had to explain repeatedly that I needed to move around (in a normal delivery without an epidural, there's no medical reason why you can't be up and moving as long as you want to be, right up to time to push) or I would become very stressed. Alanna was all set up and in position-- and then on the big day, she got upset when contractions started, planted a good kick right in my spareribs, and popped her head out of position. She was now presenting shoulder-first (I could feel her head grinding against my femoral artery cutting off circulation to my left leg). This happened about 4 times during early labor. By the time time to push came around, I was having intrusive, obsessive thoughts and visions of her neck breaking and refused to push (in fact, I was trying to use biofeedback to stop contractions with some success). I was hyperventialating and no one bothered trying to understand why. They were talking about an emergency C-section because my heart rate was going crazy when my husband grabbed the nurse by the shoulders and explained loudly and slowly "MY -- WIFE -- IS -- AU--TIS--TIC! SHE IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK! SHE NEEDS TO KNOW IF THE BABY HAS TURNED! " The nurse proceeded to stick her hand up my vagina and grab Alanna's head while Hubby got me breathing right again. Then the nurse very calmly told me, "I am holding the baby's head. Her neck is not going to break. PUSH." Five minutes later I had a baby girl with a black eye, a big smile, and a very confused obstetrician.

Oh, wow. I've been on this computer for two hours. I've got a bunch of work to get done before Hubby gets home. More later.

One of my wife's big regrets about our first child was giving birth in a hospital. If you are relatively young and healthy and the pregnancy has progressed normally then you don't need it. There are more than six billion people in this world and my guess is the majority were not born in hospitals.

Childbirth is a magical and emotional moment for a woman so you should take some control over how you want it to occur. Obviously the father played an important part in this, but when it comes to childbirth my role was fairly represented when the doctor turned to me and said: "Congratulations Bob". My name is not Bob, or anything like Bob, but at that moment at 3:51 AM it didn't really make any difference who I was. It's all about the Mom and the baby. So make it your moment and if you're not comfortable in a hospital then don't make it in a hospital.

Our second child was born in a birthing center. That was nice, relaxed, and seemed much more focussed on the needs and comforts of the Mom. It was a great set-up and I would highly recommend it. Nevertheless, we just barely made it there in time and our girl was born 30 minutes after we arrived. The space was great, but the baby was fine and we were bored so 12 hours later we all went home together. If we had a third baby my wife was certain she wanted to give birth at home. If there are no complications during pregnancy then why not?

I have three children, ages 18, almost 14, and almost 11. I agree with the advice to space the children a few years apart. We did that and it made life a lot easier during the infant and toddler years. They were all walking and talking and potty trained by the time the next one arrived.

They were all c-section babies because I had pre-eclampsia all three times. Lots of medical intervention in my pregnancies, but fortunately I'm not very hospital-phobic (I had multiple surgeries in childhood which got me used to it). I didn't have any of the "traditional" pregnancy issues, though, like morning sickness. I was fine until the third trimester, then the blood pressure went waaaay up.

If you have sensory issues, be prepared for a lot of noise once the baby arrives! They cry, and sometimes a lot. My oldest child had bad reflux and was colicky and cried *all* the time while he was awake for the first three months. There were times I had to make sure he was safe and just walk out of the room because of sensory overload. Thankfully, my other two weren't colicky.

As far as having children on the spectrum, my middle child has AS. The other two have ADHD (which both their dad and I have) but are not on the spectrum (although the oldest one does have some traits, he doesn't have AS). On the other side of the coin, they're all very bright and think of things in ways most totally typical kids don't. They're also remarkably resistant to peer pressure...yay!

~Kate

I just wanted to say that I have 3 kids 9,8,and 3yrs old and they were the best thing that ever happened to me!! ! I (literally from birth) had touch sensory issues and could not be held or hugged, the best I could manage was to just stiffen, which is better than some of the reactions I had as a child. Even the vibrations from sound were an issue. My first child was a situation where I was taken advantage of and she was very unplanned. The thing is, when she was born I could not get enough of her, it was like I could finally make up for all the affection I had missed out on, and when she cried (at least for the first few months) she was as quiet as a kitten. I practically had her attached at the hip and I was able to nurse very successfully to my surprise. I had the next, a boy, less then a year later with my husband and loved him just as much. I became known for having a baby on each hip. The third and final was a carefully planned decision and she is also loved more than words can express. The pregnancies all went pretty well and so did labor except I also experienced the head shifting thing but they finally got me to push by telling me that she was losing oxygen and they were going to rush us in for a c-section if I couldn't push now! The hospital was very accommodating for all of my labors and listened to all of my issues. They helped me to formulate a plan that included everything from the lighting to who would be allowed in the labor room, which they followed through with and were wonderful. I would definitely advise "shopping around" for your doctor and hospital before you are far into the pregnancy. Make sure they will accommodate you, if they will not or don't seem to care about your comfort, leave and find another place or person who will.
I also had bronchitis during my pregnancies but I have chronic bronchitis so I don't think that is an issue with most people. I will say that for a long time I was, for all intents and purposes, desensitized to touch and was able to give family, like my parents, the hugs they had always wanted. The affect seems to be waring off as the last kid was weened, (possibly a hormone thing) but I and my family treasure the time I was able to be reciprocal in affection. I won't say it is all good, there are some daily challenges and some unique ones with AS that have been mentioned in the other posts, and the chance that the kids will have AS. but if I had to do it all over again I would not change a thing! By the way my kids do show some traits to varying degrees but nothing disabling and they are all healthy and happy and doing great. I do think that if you have the opportunity to plan your pregnancy that you should do so and make sure that you have a good support system who knows you and what you are dealing with, and ask for help if and when you need it, nobody raises a child completely alone no matter what our abilities or challenges, it (as they say) takes a village to raise a child

Well, I know how old this thread is, but seeing as how this subject is so dear to my heart (having just given birth in July) I felt compelled to make my mark.
My labor experience was the labor from h-e-double hockeysticks. My lovely husband, who happens to be the most understanding man in the universe, was going to be deployed a day before my baby was due, so I was induced. O gosh, aside from my labor lasting nearly thirty six hours, my mother felt the need to RUB my arms and legs! Ahhhh! As far as sensory issues go, I have my fair share, and the feeling of scratching someones back, rubbing my hands on something rough like sidewalk, or dry hands sliding up and down my skin is my "nails on chalkboard." I didn't want to be touched at all, but my mother desparately needed to "comfort" me. Oh the horror. Can you imagine being in the worst pain of your life, and having someone chalkboard ya?
Oh, and she didn't understand why I kept yelling at her. (she kept doing it with every contraction.)
Finally, my husband had to take her aside and order her not to touch me anymore. The poor guy hadn't been able to touch me in months either, lol. I was really anti-rub during my pregnancy, but as soon as I had my baby, it was like a light switch. Suddenly I wanted to be held and touched. And I can't get enough of my baby either! Except breastfeeding. I want her off as soon as she stops truly drinking because the feeling of her suck changes. (it starts out fine, but when she is done eating, and she just wants the comfort, she rubs me with the tip of her tongue, yeach.) But I love to nurse her, she strokes me with her warm soft palm and I am putty in hand. Its funny how much I love the feeling of being rubbed with something soft verses the steaming hate I have for roughness. She smells so good and she is so small; she is irresistable.