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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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26 Oct 2012, 1:55 pm

My father is a bully and a disrespecter, in a number of regards. And he doesn't remember, not near as well as I do.

And in the case of workplace injustices, which can really rub me the wrong way, often I remember a lot better than other people.

So . . . I have experimented with the method of missed opportunity. Not so much the negative thing the person did do, but the positive thing they missed doing. And at times I have had some modest success with this, perhaps about as much as can be expected.

=================

I think writing is powerful, and at times of course unpredictably can connect with people and help to change the world. For example, I think one of the best things on the Internet is the essay "Why Nerds are Unpopular" by Paul Graham. http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html I mean, he out and out slams schools. But . . . at one point he says ostracism is better than direct abuse. I'm not so sure. I mean, are those my only two choices! :P And then toward the end he rather says this whole thing is justified by specialization of labor ? ? ? I mean, the guy has got to be kidding. It's like he got tired, maybe felt trapped and bogged in his writing, didn't know how to go forward, was looking for an optimistic conclusion, and reached. And reached too far.

So, as good as this essay is, you or I or someone else might do better. Or, take the guitar riff in an entirely different direction so to speak. :jester:



opal
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28 Oct 2012, 6:33 am

BlueMax wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say that they "drink to forget". It's hard to remember being abused by a parent, especially when that parent has since died, and you'll never get so much as a "sorry" out of them.

Not sure what's worse... the abusive parent is dead so you'll never get an apology -- or that they're still alive and you know there's no way they'll ever acknowledge their actions or apologize for them. My mom played a big part in ruining my life and 20-30 years later she still denies any of her actions (and goes flippin' insane when pointing them out to her.) *sigh*


YEP



DJFester
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20 Nov 2012, 3:04 am

BlueMax wrote:
Not sure what's worse... the abusive parent is dead so you'll never get an apology -- or that they're still alive and you know there's no way they'll ever acknowledge their actions or apologize for them. My mom played a big part in ruining my life and 20-30 years later she still denies any of her actions (and goes flippin' insane when pointing them out to her.) *sigh*


That describes my mom to a tee. :(


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Stone_Man
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20 Nov 2012, 11:15 am

Bartolome wrote:
I am a very angry man and if I do not find some way of healthily processing my feelings I believe I will explode. I feel like a time bomb. I have nothing positive to say, nothing positive to think.


I for one will certainly not say that your anger isn't justified. You were mistreated and misunderstood and misrepresented. All of those things happened, and obviously no one can change them now.

However, I will say that your anger, as it almost always is, is non-productive and in the end simply a waste of your good time. Getting the "apologies" you speak of won't "exorcise" your demons. Your demons, in all likelihood, will never be gotten rid of completely, but what you can do is deal with them more effectively, such that they won't have the influence on your life that they have to this point.

Let intelligence and rationality be your guide here, not your emotions. Carrying a grudge against people and events from decades past will only make you bitter, and probably contributes to your depressions. Get rid of that baggage. You don't need it.

Yes, you were dealt a rotten hand. It wasn't fair then, it's not fair now. But look at it this way ... your most effective "revenge" against the tormentors from your past is to rise above them, and live a happy, satisfied life in spite of them.

Don't let the bastards win. Work on your life so that you win.