I fail to get understood. Frustrating I'm past 65 years old

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makegod2020
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16 Dec 2012, 6:18 pm

I did get the diagnose late in my life around 1999
and did not want to accept it at first due to the stigma
associated with the diagnose.

But here in this thread I need to talk about something
that makes my life very depressing. I seems to not only
be different from NT but also from fellow ASD.

Okay we are all different in many ways but my
problem is that I seems to have so confusing thoughts
that even ADSs get angry on me and don't get what
I try to say.

I thought for a while it was the language barrier my English
is very home grown learned from reading Electronics Radio
and Computer Mags at Library.
But I have been writing for some 8 hours a day since
1997. So I have a lot of practice to try to find proper words
but my attempts to get understood seems to have to do with
my fuzzy thinking more than lack of command of English.

Most likely I do some basic logical error that are so basic
that those who read me refuse to spell it out just telling me a jerk.

They think I do the error just to trick them or twist the words
for some rhetoric reason while I trust I do my best to be clear
and concise.

I can give examples some other day. Just now it is
past midnight and I have severe headache and
feel for dreaming some happy dreams instead.

My main question to you is.
Have you had this experiences too that even Aspies
fail to get you .What to do about it?

Are we very different from each other despite same diagnose?
Maybe I am low functioning instead of high functioning?

I am very childish and naive so that could be part of it.



BTDT
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16 Dec 2012, 7:03 pm

There are several issues.

First of all, as an older Aspie, you know a lot of stuff that younger Aspies just don't know about. Most computer literate folks don't know anything about Hollerith cards, for example.

Aspies do tend to be very precise--which is a problem with as English is quite subject to different interpretations.

Posting on the Internet is not for the meek--even here, which is why there is a safe Haven forum where folks are suppose to lay off and not get on the OP's case.



sufi
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16 Dec 2012, 10:01 pm

I am 64, not officially diagnosed but I figured it out about 5 years ago. Explained a lot. I don't think anyone in my life truly understood me. I was always the space-cadet. I can not debate or argue my point of view - it always comes out wrong and I am always misunderstood. Most people think I don't know what I am doing or how I do something, so everything I do is wrong. So a lot of things I do, I do in secret or don't tell anyone just so I don't have to 'defend' my words or actions, because I can't.
I don't think other people on the spectrum will understand much better because we are all different with unique processes. We can understand the feelings of loneliness.

I think having spouses or friends who are autistic is not a good path.
I do think the brothers and sisters of autistics probably understand the conditions better than anyone, having grown-up with relating too.


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Krabo
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17 Dec 2012, 12:03 am

makegod2020 wrote:
My main question to you is.
Have you had this experiences too that even Aspies
fail to get you. What to do about it?

This is perfectly normal, pardon the word :). I have an Aspie acquaintance who is obsessed about philosophy, ethics in particular. That's fine, I like the subject too, but I'm not obsessed about it. Instead, I need to know as much as possible about Biblical exegesis, nuclear physics, and general relativity, naming but a few topics. This being the case, me and this fellow don't get along too well. Just being Aspies doesn't unite people, just as being, say, Christians or communists doesn't glue people together into a friendly brotherhood.

This acquaintance of mine is especially interested in Kantian ethics, and I have always found Immanuel Kant to be one of the most boring writers in the world. It is really boredom to the second power when he quotes long paragraphs of Kant from the author's 3-inch thick works.



makegod2020
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17 Dec 2012, 1:15 am

Thanks to all of you that responded.
Yes I have to get used to that we are
all of us unique in our own way.

Okay about coming through as obsessed
with being precise with words.

I have much of that. I am very bad at words
and bad with structures but I am obsessed
with the meaning of words and not so happy
when they fail to be the tools I want them to be.

Crazy example. Take the felt difference of
atheist and non-theist. Some are proud to be
atheists and some refuse to self identify with
being atheist they insist them are nontheist.

Some atheists say there are no difference
and many of those that use nontheists say
there are a huge difference in attitude and
the atheists say that attitude means nothing
it is the logic of the words that matter and that
any feelings are totally irrelevant for to use nontheist
instead of atheist. (I get the feeling these atheists see
the nontheists to do something wrong renaming themselves. )

Wikipedia Nontheism

Quote:
Sometimes used synonymously with the term atheism,
it can also include positions of belief in a non-personal deity,
such as deism and pantheism.


That is why those in the nontheist camp insist there is a difference.
those in the atheist camp seldom see much value in Pantheism

Here is another example
Definition of Nontheist

By Austin Cline,
http://atheism.about.com/od/Atheist-Dic ... theist.htm
Quote:
The label nontheist was created and continues to be used
in order to avoid the negative baggage the comes with
the label atheist due to the bigotry of so many Christians
towards atheists.


His opinion I don't know enough to make such claims.
Another example. A group within the Quakers that chose
to buy a domain with the name nontheism to really show
how important the difference is to atheism?

http://www.nontheistfriends.org/article ... nontheist/
Quote:
What is a Nontheist?
Posted by James Riemermann on September 20, 2006
...
Some ... seem to read nontheist as a synonym for atheist,
which is unfortunate.
A great many of those associated with nontheist Friends
would not go so far as to describe themselves as atheists. ...

so he confirm that he know many that see a big difference
while he himself accept to see himself as atheist.

AFAIK the word does not even exist in some dictionaries?
but I found this one
http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictio ... /nontheist
Quote:
(religion) a person who believes the existence or non-existence of God is irrelevant;
a person who rejects as unimportant both theism and atheism


I don't know if a majority of nontheists would agree but I trust
a majority of atheist would find it odd or logically wrong.

here is another way to say it
http://www.atheistdictionary.com/index. ... Non-Theist
Quote:
A person who appears to theists to be less evil
than an atheist yet more than an agnostic.
Name applied to nonbelievers by theists
purporting to advocate tolerance.


Yes why not. Obviously it has many explanations
while the logical atheists refuse to accept it.
To them only the word atheist would do.

See how obsessed some of us can be about two words.
I trust most people could not care less and say Whatever.
Who cares, let me out of here, not my bag of things.

We truly are different. To many that is a good thing.
To me it is almost disaster because it means we fail
to understand each other.

I wanted to show you how obsessed I can be.



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17 Dec 2012, 3:26 am

makegod2020 wrote:
I wanted to show you how obsessed I can be.


In this respect I think we are soulmates. Your posts in this thread have been most interesting. You should see me typing a 2-line reply to almost any thread – it can take hours to finish. I feel like I have to check and double-check and cross-check the meanings of words just to avoid being grossly misunderstood. I am not a born English-speaker, either. After learning basics at school, I learned the rest from books and TV.

Fear not. Most members in these forums are Americans and they have this lovely trait of accepting all variants of English. They have heard them all so it's no big deal for them if someone's English is not from the Oxford Dictionary.



makegod2020
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17 Dec 2012, 8:48 am

You are a true Asoie then because them are
very structured. I have too much ADD/ADHD
to be patient enough redoing things like that.

I'm maybe OCD in that I can not let go of
a pet idea I take it again and again but
write in haste and have no memory of what
I did write. I have to start all over and have
almost no help from the older attempt.

So I seems to be a bad mix of Low Funtional
Asperger and ADD/ADHD and OCD in that
I hord thing and can not let go of them.



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17 Dec 2012, 1:11 pm

I'm the opposite with memory and ideas--someone will ask me a question and I'll answer it in an email. Then if I get the same question, I'll answer it exactly the same way, even if a year or two has passed!



misshathaway
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19 Dec 2012, 3:23 am

I am much more likely to be understood in writing than verbally. I had one boss who figured that out and if he needed a progress report or information that was more than a sentence, asked me to write it.

I too IQ-tested "gifted". Once in grade school and once in my twenties. Yet, the tech people in my department don't even try to understand me when I speak. Like others here mentioned, they either act like I'm mentally challenged or treat me with outright contempt. This isn't a unique experience. Every job I have ends up the same way.



restlesspirit
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23 Dec 2012, 11:24 am

Im 54 and female.. self diagnosed so far,, but had a boss who worked in sp ed and a psychologist both tell me they though i was aspergers... i have been misunderstood and taken wrong all my life,, its why i prefer to communicate with written word.. verbaly i always say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person and it gets taken wrong.



Murderface
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01 Jan 2013, 12:36 am

Always had trouble with that even things that seem so simplistic to me are hard for NTs to understand. If you have met an ASD person you have only one.


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redrobin62
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30 Apr 2013, 4:30 pm

<--- Misunderstood and despised at every turn.