Dismayed By Lack of Adult Support

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I am newly diagnosed and 59, and finding little or no resources for aged aspies.

Literature seems to have finally caught on that there are adult aspies, but almost all of that attention seems focused on those newly diagnosed at age 25-35, i.e. "Young Adults". So those in the "Mid-Life" range are left out, as are those like me in the "Elder" category. And yes, circumstances among those 3 categories do differ a lot - I know because I've been through them.

The best solution I see for myself at this point is to begin building my own support network, as others have previously posted. Of course, as an aspie such a social activity is not at all easy. Fortunately my need for social contact is so small that I think it is nonetheless achievable.

When I was fifty, a thirty-something doctor didn't want to work on an injured finger, because a younger patient would have gotten more use out of it. Ageism lives.
After a lifetime of having to avoid "help" since only a mis-diagnosis was available, I'm glad to get an hour of counseling a month, but it is a collaborative effort - there is no training available that applies, AFAIK, so we develop my program as we go.

There was an article about this in my local paper a few years ago. It was about how we have these smart aspies graduating from high school or college but their rates of unemployment and underemployment are astonishing because all the supports were not made for people like us. There hasn't been training on high functioning aspies who may have done fine in school but find the adult world much more hostile.

I have to laugh because I thought I was the only one with this problem. I am only one of two Autistic females in my WHOLE CITY that I know of, and I don't talk to her. I contacted my local Autism chapter but they apparently only deal with parents whose children are Autistic. I don't understand why people seem to think these children never grow up...

My state has a Division of Vocational Rehabilitation that I was enrolled in. They helped me find my last job but that didn't work out too well. None of my co-workers cared that I had limitations and neither did the management, even though it was understood that I was being employed as a worker with a disability. I was often teased and made several complaints but no one seemed to care about that either. It got to the point where I would come home crying everyday or in the morning before work because I didn't want to go. After three years of hard work, no recognition and being snickered at, I got burned out and resigned.

As a military spouse I am enrolled in the EFMP program, but the only service available to me is to speak with a counselor. I also have the option to speak to several people in the civilian world so this doesn't help me at all. I can talk to people until I'm blue in the face but without resources how can I be expected to be a functioning and contributing member of society?

I had a heck of a time find a psychologist to diagnose me. Once I did I had a series of great sessions. Then he disappeared. I think the guy died or went back to his homeland. Recently I was looking for a new therapist and this guy's still on my insurance company's choice of folks, but the number goes to a another person at a family resource center.

Thankfully I have another great therapist who helps me a lot when life gets me down and I am willing to go with that. As for resources for middle-aged aspie-men I do think I am kinda "on-my-own" and have to be a one-man-show, willing to do what I need to do on my own. A lot of that is being honest with myself about my mood and level of functioning, then doing what I can do to up the game. I just use my awesome powers of hyper-focus and look inwards. Even if I can make baby-steps one day that's good enough for me. With work some days the ship really comes in and I get a lot closer to where I want to be.

Tough time of year. I have to make sure I eat, get sunshine, me time, good sleep no matter what. I have to do what I can to stay out of the fog and on the road, and remind myself that Spring will come and I will be happy again.

Children are more malleable than adults, and are going to get some kind of schooling anyway, so that's another downside to a late-life diagnosis.
The times in my life when I have been most productive have been the few years when I had a suitable partner. Usually, this was an apprentice, who would rely on me to do the hard thinking, but show up still enthusiastic about building something that was looking half-obsolete already, to me. All of the engineers who were my role models recommended getting a business partner. All the modern management gurus say you need a team to get anything remarkable done. What an aspie needs is a team manager who can, as Peter Drucker so eloquently put it Make individual strengths productive, and individual weaknesses irrelevant. A spouse might make a good helper, as they have the most to gain, but perhaps it is wise to ask for some guidance from any likely source. If a special interest can be combined with a career, the breakthroughs can make several fortunes.

yeah its a common issue here in the UK as well.

When children with AS turn 18 and become adults they also become "cured"

Then there has been a recent- within the last ten years- explosion of information about AS and more AS adults are having that aaahaaaa moment after diagnosis but with minimal support available for adults.

I think the health care professionals tend to focus on diagnosis and intervention and this is aimed at children.


A study proposal for funding for AS that will assist a ten year old with diagnosis and intervention with a 60 year post diagnosis life for that child will be seen as more attractive then a similar study aimed at 30 or 40 something adults.

Agreed. Everything in the UK seems to be geared towards children and young adults. I'd love to find a support group for 40+'s.

We're a write-off because we suggest that some disorders are not "cureable," and that some disorders exist between normal and completely-without-the-ability-to-function which are not able to be treated with the current medical model (we respond to medication and counseling, but we aren't "fixed" by it.)

We're a legitimacy problem for medicine.

Essentially, we're in a broad grey zone between NT functioning and what NTs consider to be chronically without function, and we actually get worse as we age (or seem to, right about when we hit middle age). I don't know about other countries, but here in the US, we worship competition. People with AS are poor competitors, but we often lack physical disabilities which would signal an 'excuse'* not to be a better competitor in the job market or in life, in general.
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* Not that it is one, because plenty of people will be as*holes to you if you have a physical disability, and will expect you to do things you can't actually do, but it's a physical sign of disability. As my thesis adviser says when he reads my thesis "Well, how do you expect anyone to know to give you concessions? It's not like you look disabled."

I suppose they just don't know what to do with us. I think it's good that mainstream societal awareness of autism is increasing. I'd like to see people being more accepting of different ways of social interaction. I think it is a misnomer that we don't interact socially, we do, we just do it differently.

I just checked again locally to see if anything has changed.

Quite a few places include the word adult autism in what services they offer, but other than basic psych counseling, and a few specific things they will include autists in such as finding employment or housing, there is nothing for adults.

No people giving speeches, no group activities, no fundraising, nothing. The kids get everything. Worse are quite a few of them include the words autism and adult in the literature and website content but have no further information than what basically amounted to meta tags and flashy formatted text to draw you in.

I have found good support by joining a Meet Up Group (Social Anxiety). There are some other aspies in the group, and the nicest NTs I have ever met. We all have issues with anxiety in common and it binds the group together, ages range from 20s-60s and ageism hasn't been an issue. The diversity in the group is refreshing.

There's some adult support here in the Phoenix area, but mostly seems to be for either parents of autistic children, or adults who are on the low-functioning end of the spectrum. (although my daughter's psychologist works with autistic children, so she might have some resources on what's available for adults on my level)