13 Mar 2014, 1:46 pm
To this day, I am not precisely certain why this happens. I believe it must have been something I said. Most probably in a group setting. I am guessing that I somehow insulted their competence or intelligence or both, by challenging something they said (which likely was illogical). As I have this tendency to address things that don’t make sense directly.
So, I work in high tech. Interestingly, I never have had problems with engineers. As typically engineers are both very smart and very detailed oriented. They would rarely make nonsensical statement or suggestions. But non-engineers. All the time.
I suppose I now realize how threatening this can be. Especially to someone who may not be entirely competent. And, once threatened, they use their social skills to fight back. Which is a fight I cannot win.
Since realizing this, I have tried to keep my mouth shut. At work, I need to constantly remind myself, "Rocket, keep your thoughts to yourself". But this can be difficult to do. As sometimes I feel almost compelled to correct false statement/assumptions. Or to ask clarifying questions, which could then lead to problems (as my series of questions would ultimately point out faults in what people say).
Anyhow, I wonder if others have experienced the same and how you deal with the situation. Thanks.
I experience something similar at work all the time. My lack of social skills makes people uncomfortable. I am perceived as very unkind, aggressive, critical when I think I'm not... I had someone act as a third party, and observe a conversation I thought went well. They thought I sounded short, critical and dismissive. Dealing with this was a shock to me, because I've always thought of myself as a very nice person. I got so anxious about this at some point that I started avoiding all face to face interactions unless they can't be helped, and if I have to interact I script beforehand and try to stick to the script, including mentally counting while pausing in conversation, to make sure I give interlocutors enough time to respond and I appear empathetic. A few times I thought I succeeded!
13 Mar 2014, 1:47 pm
To this day, I am not precisely certain why this happens. I believe it must have been something I said. Most probably in a group setting. I am guessing that I somehow insulted their competence or intelligence or both, by challenging something they said (which likely was illogical). As I have this tendency to address things that don’t make sense directly.
So, I work in high tech. Interestingly, I never have had problems with engineers. As typically engineers are both very smart and very detailed oriented. They would rarely make nonsensical statement or suggestions. But non-engineers. All the time.
I suppose I now realize how threatening this can be. Especially to someone who may not be entirely competent. And, once threatened, they use their social skills to fight back. Which is a fight I cannot win.
Since realizing this, I have tried to keep my mouth shut. At work, I need to constantly remind myself, "Rocket, keep your thoughts to yourself". But this can be difficult to do. As sometimes I feel almost compelled to correct false statement/assumptions. Or to ask clarifying questions, which could then lead to problems (as my series of questions would ultimately point out faults in what people say).
Anyhow, I wonder if others have experienced the same and how you deal with the situation. Thanks.
I experience something similar at work all the time. My lack of social skills makes people uncomfortable. I am perceived as very unkind, aggressive, critical when I think I'm not... I had someone act as a third party, and observe a conversation I thought went well. They thought I sounded short, critical and dismissive. Dealing with this was a shock to me, because I've always thought of myself as a very nice person. I got so anxious about this at some point that I started avoiding all face to face interactions unless they can't be helped, and if I have to interact I script beforehand and try to stick to the script, including mentally counting while pausing in conversation, to make sure I give interlocutors enough time to respond and I appear empathetic. A few times I thought I succeeded!
14 Mar 2014, 11:38 pm
15 Mar 2014, 11:45 am
15 Mar 2014, 3:38 pm
I don't think I've ever caused anyone on the job to hate me - if I did, I don't know about it.
I just try real hard to tell people what I think it is they want to hear.
I realized some time ago, when someone asks for your opinion, they don't give a rats ass what your opinion is - they just want you to agree with their opinion.
My opinion is important to me, and I don't need to share it... well, except on Internet forums.
The job I have now, I have to take care of customers for 4 hours/day. I mostly imitate what I see: if they are talking about the weather, I'll talk about the weather; if they say they are sick, I'll wish them well; if they are quiet, I'm quiet, etc...
No one EVER asks for my opinion, so I don't offer it - even if they get into religion or politics.
I do get the impression though that I've said something to make my boss not like me. She is very short with me. So, I try to avoid her as much as possible. Problem solved as far as I'm concerned. 
Someone gave good advice earlier... something about not acting a fool.
15 Mar 2014, 4:01 pm
I manage it fairly regularly. I told a coworker today "I am really agitated, and need some quiet time", and she seem to hear "Don't ever speak in my presence again, you evil witch. And your kids are really ugly, too." Now I'm annoyed about her reaction, so I'm not going to run over and placate her. 
15 Mar 2014, 8:14 pm
15 Mar 2014, 11:13 pm
16 Mar 2014, 12:33 am
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,462
Location: Long Island, New York
16 Mar 2014, 12:59 am
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