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auntblabby
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14 Mar 2014, 10:31 pm

no wonder I'm not an executive.



kizzyDeSilva
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14 Mar 2014, 10:39 pm

Quite, Aunty Blabby. Same lament here. Thanks AsPartOfMe. that is very helpful. You know a lot about this subject. it is strange for me to feel so at home and for peeps to be talking to me in such an appropriate way. I belong to doll makers and collectors forums and notice how i go onto there to comment with extreme caution taking care to say tactful things and not annoy. so far it has worked well. But i dont somehow feel fully accepted that may just be a wound that i carry regardless due to the past but it may be that there is still that absent thing where I dont quite gel as well as NTs. I dont feel so wary here. It is a good feeling and a releif. a weight of isolation has been lifted off me. As you all know there is not much point telling peeps that you are HFA they wont know what that means if your social skills are ok and you seem completely normal. I am saddened really by the struggles that i read about on here. But glad that peeps have somewhere to go where they can offload.


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ASPartOfMe
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14 Mar 2014, 11:00 pm

kizzyDeSilva wrote:
Quite, Aunty Blabby. Same lament here. Thanks AsPartOfMe. that is very helpful. You know a lot about this subject. it is strange for me to feel so at home and for peeps to be talking to me in such an appropriate way. I belong to doll makers and collectors forums and notice how i go onto there to comment with extreme caution taking care to say tactful things and not annoy. so far it has worked well. But i dont somehow feel fully accepted that may just be a wound that i carry regardless due to the past but it may be that there is still that absent thing where I dont quite gel as well as NTs. I dont feel so wary here. It is a good feeling and a releif. a weight of isolation has been lifted off me. As you all know there is not much point telling peeps that you are HFA they wont know what that means if your social skills are ok and you seem completely normal. I am saddened really by the struggles that i read about on here. But glad that peeps have somewhere to go where they can offload.


What it is weird is that for decades psychology, looking into oneself was something I considered as not really manly. After the diagnosis it has become a special interest. :) Finding these explanations of my life, that there are others like me, fully being able to discuss these things. I am feeling emotions that I did not know I was capable of. Relief and liberating while accurate seems inadequate. It does feel like I am home after wandering for so long


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Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 14 Mar 2014, 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

auntblabby
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14 Mar 2014, 11:02 pm

a bit of wisdom that has never led me astray, is "oft-times, 'tis better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt- it even rhymes!" :mrgreen:



kizzyDeSilva
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14 Mar 2014, 11:55 pm

Yes I agree with both posts. AsPartOfMe I can see how you would have found it to be unmanly but I am glad that changed for you. If we know ourselves better we process experiences better and live longer. Thanks for your input.


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ASPartOfMe
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15 Mar 2014, 11:05 pm

kizzyDeSilva wrote:
Yes I agree with both posts. AsPartOfMe I can see how you would have found it to be unmanly but I am glad that changed for you. If we know ourselves better we process experiences better and live longer. Thanks for your input.


You are welcome


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Redentor74
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19 Mar 2014, 2:07 am

I read the spoon theory too, and I think it also applies to people struggling with depression. Living in a foreign country and being culturally isolated and getting looked at like a side-show freak because I'm not stick thin like everyone else over here is very depressing. At least living here helped me realize that I have Asperger's, which made my whole confusing life growing up make sense. Depression kills motivation too. I desperately want to move back to my home country, but I have no motivation to look for work back home, because I don't expect results to be any better than last time. I want to lose weight, but I have no motivation to exercise, because I don't expect results to be any better than last time. That, and the fact that, in the culture where I'm living, total strangers will walk up to you and make rude comments about your appearance while smiling and pretending to be friendly the whole time, keeps me away from the gym. It seems I have just barely enough energy to make it through the day of teaching 4-6 classes of 30+ middle school students each every day. That leaves few spoons left for exercising, spending time with my family, or applying to jobs online at the end of the day.



kizzyDeSilva
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19 Mar 2014, 4:18 am

Hi Rendetor. I am sorry to hear that you are in such a fix. I excercise by walking everywhere and I go to excercise classes here in england a few of the other women are big like me. i hope you prioritze spending time with family for now if they are supportive and are good company. I hope you get it sorted in time. If you can find some way of excersising that is more comfortable for you. tbh if it were me I would learn a few Korean swear words for when you are next in the gym and if some smiling person came over and started being rude to me I think I would just knock the smile off their face with what I had to say to them. swear words from your own country wont work. no doubt very bad advice but it would work for me. I think you will find the nasty comments might drop away after that. All the best in whatever you decide to do. XXXXXX


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Redentor74
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19 Mar 2014, 8:33 pm

Thanks, Kizzy. I enjoy walking too. In addition to walking to and from work, I usually enjoy going hiking in the hills / forest in my neighborhood, and now that spring is here and it actually stays light out long enough after work, I was planning to pick up hiking again. What I wasn't expecting was to feel exhausted every day for the past week and being sapped of the energy to do anything. I'm feeling better today, so I'm planning to take that walk after work if it doesn't rain again, and if I'm not utterly worn out and de-motivated again at the end of the workday. I feel blessed to have a little oasis of nature in the middle of this overcrowded city.



B19
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19 Mar 2014, 11:31 pm

My motivation levels are unpredictable, so I tend to swerve between doing too much or too little, generally, and occasionally go into a motivational black hole, where for a day or two inertia replaces the will to do anything, except the absolutely essential things (feed the cat). As I am retired, this doesn't cause me adverse employment issues, but it does impact on my quality of life.

I think there are many issues which influence this for me: physical things, like low blood sugar, low blood pressure and anaemia (longstanding issues for me). Fatigue, disrupted sleep. Emotional issues, especially feeling lonely, bored, upset over something; external issues, like the weather on grey, cold sunless days; sometimes these things are all active at once. And psychological issues, when I can't encourage myself to do something and there is no one around to encourage me. I thrive on encouragement, though I am not good at encouraging myself - though when it comes from someone else, I can spring into action and really surprise myself. And them!

Of all of the above, loneliness and living alone is the biggest demotivator for me. Going to Meet Up groups has helped though.



Bodyles
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19 Mar 2014, 11:43 pm

I've been having a lot of trouble lately with motivation to even do my work so I can have money & all that.

It's a catch-22 situation:
I much prefer working at home because I can control the environment, don't have to put on uncomfortable clothing items like a belt and shoes, and don't have to deal with other people.
On the other hand, it's often quite difficult for me to get myself motivated to do work at home rather than play games, watch tv, mess around on the internet, or read books.
Also, my current home/work environment is less than ideal so I'm trying to save some money to move (and get a comfy chair!) but I haven't been working enough to do so, partially because of environmental issues, partially because of the general motivation problems associated with working at home.

Meh.

Maybe I should just give up on freelancing and start looking for a more structured work environment when this project is over & hope it doesn't drive me crazy like it did last time.
What do you guys think?



kizzyDeSilva
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20 Mar 2014, 4:55 am

Bodyles I understand completely your dilemma. I worked as a freelance illustrator for quite a time after I left University and found it very difficult to get on with my work at home. Working in a more structured envirnment involves much more stress in many ways. I would say half free lance half work outside the home would be a good compromise. You would be then more under pressure to finish the freelance work in a smaller time frame and get some structure to get you out of the house the rest of the time. all the best.


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kizzyDeSilva
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20 Mar 2014, 5:03 am

Redentor I walk to and from work and i try to catch the bus at little as possible to save money and keep fit. I think its great that you have found some energy to do more excercise. It is Spring here and so getting warm and lighter nights. It is such a relief and an inspiration to start new projects like losing weight for me as I have the same issue minus the snearing peeps in the gym. I used to go to the gym but I dont think the repetitive excerxise is good for my frame and prefer my excercise classes. It sounds like you had a bad week. I hope you enjoy the hiking it sounds lovely. x


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kizzyDeSilva
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20 Mar 2014, 5:30 am

Raven on reading your post I was going to suggest to you that you go to interest groups etc that can be a way to structure each day. If was retired I would try to organize something for every day perferably in the morning as that would get me up and out each day. I dont know if you could organize to go for a walk with a friend or join a walking group something that suits your situation.


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MissQ
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20 Mar 2014, 7:26 am

Bodyles wrote:
I've been having a lot of trouble lately with motivation to even do my work so I can have money & all that.

It's a catch-22 situation:
I much prefer working at home because I can control the environment, don't have to put on uncomfortable clothing items like a belt and shoes, and don't have to deal with other people.
On the other hand, it's often quite difficult for me to get myself motivated to do work at home rather than play games, watch tv, mess around on the internet, or read books.
Also, my current home/work environment is less than ideal so I'm trying to save some money to move (and get a comfy chair!) but I haven't been working enough to do so, partially because of environmental issues, partially because of the general motivation problems associated with working at home.

Meh.

Maybe I should just give up on freelancing and start looking for a more structured work environment when this project is over & hope it doesn't drive me crazy like it did last time.
What do you guys think?


I think, as someone else suggested, a little of both is good. That's what I do; my mornings I spend, mostly in pajamas, working on my internet store, then I go to a "real" job for four hours every afternoon. For me, it's a pretty good balance of solitude and social interaction - which I would never do at all if I didn't have the job.



kizzyDeSilva
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20 Mar 2014, 10:45 am

Yes Miss Q it was me that suggested that. I am trying to have that kind of set up myself. I would like to run an art class a few mornings a week to get me up out of bed and then come back and work on illustration work and portrait commissions. Its going to be a bit of a slog to get there.


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