I struggle with motivation

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Not a bad idea, assuming I can get steady freelance work along with a part time job, but that's not necessarily the case, and I'd feel kinda awkward getting a part time job while I'm still working on my current project.

I do appreciate the suggestion.
Maybe I can make something like that work.
I dunno, part of the issue with freelancing is that it has to be hourly paid or everyone ends up upset in the end, and I hate having to keep track of my hours.
I'd much rather a steady job with a salary & deadlines.

Ideally I'd like to try to find a job doing what I do that lets me work at home a large portion of the time, since I do computer/IT work that's mostly doable over the internet, on my home box, or over the phone.

Meh.

Ok, I'm done with my little break, back to work.

I was talking to my friend about this yesterday; I would love a job like that. In fact, the group GRASP sent out emails last year announcing a company up north that had positions available for just that. I applied and actually received an email back - saying the position had been filled.
How would a person do a search for other jobs like this?? This one was looking for people to spot errors in programs, or something like that. Surely, there are plenty of jobs like that now-a-days?

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay at my "regular" job - I've pissed off my boss again and, besides that, because my sniffer is so sensitive (even more so since I quit smoking), I dread having to deal with customers - some of them smell SO BAD!

maybe you could start a thread and ask the techies on here. they might know best.

I'm also struggling with this balance. Currently working as a consultant on a big project four days a week. Have one day per week that I've devoted to my own projects (that I hope will take off financially one day). I don't think I ever can go back to being employed again, as I'd feel completely locked in. The consultancy above is more and more starting to feel like an employment though.

I'd like a part-time job where I didn't have to invest so much energy and be left with, say, 4 hours a day working on my own projects.

I wish I had some idea where to start looking for that sort of thing.
It seems like they'd get snapped up quick 'cause that sort of situation seems like it'd be attractive to a wide range of people, autistic or not.
So I'd imagine it'd be far difficult to find 'em.

You could try doing what people on MDMA (Ecstasy, which increases smell sensistivity) do: a little vapo-rub on the skin above the lip, to replace & prevent all the nasty smells.

I wonder whether my lack of motivation has anything to do with my AS. The only thing that seems to motivate me is a hard deadline.

Like most people, I would wait until the last minute to write research papers or complete projects in school. But just not wanting to do it so procrastinating wasn't the reason. I couldn't even wrap my mind around the project until I had the barest amount of time to complete. I have been known to completely change topics a week before it was due because motivation finally kicked in. And that happened over and over again, no matter how long in advance I knew the project existed.

I do the same thing at work. Given a project, I can't even think about it, draw any kind of conclusions, make any progress, until I get pressured by the deadline to do it (or if I get some kind of outside pressure, such as the boss asks me how it's coming). Then suddenly, everything will fall into place, and I get it done. When I was in the corporate world, working 8-5, I could get more work done between 3-5 then most people could all day.

My mother and I have gone round and round about this for years. She would give me something to do at home while she was at work -- dishes, laundry, etc. I would put it off until the last minute, but then she would sometimes come home early and catch that it hadn't been done yet. According to her, you should get up immediately and get whatever done, but my body just won't or can't do it. It was that way when I was a kid, and nothing has changed in all these years.

^^^
would you say you thrive on stress?

That's an interesting question, and one I'm not sure how to answer. Like I said, I can't get motivated to perform unless I have a deadline. But at the same time, I have really bad anxiety/panic issues, and stress can set off an attack. Quite the contradiction, huh? I may have to explore all this in more detail.

I guess the deadline is something your brain can use to make your frontal lobes work better. dr. Daniel Amen wrote in his books about the specific things needing attention in people with that kind of thing going on, I read "change your brain, change your life" and found useful info therein. he also has some PBS specials where he talks about just that kind of deadline thing.

For me, motivation and anxiety affect my life in an inverse relationship: if anxiety is raised, motivation dives, and when my anxiety is in abeyance, motivation rises. So I have to manage my anxiety levels carefully.

I use various strategies depending on how severe the anxiety is. I discovered how important it was for me to increase levels of the neurotransmitter GABA in the brain, (from a state of deficiency). Discovering that many ASD people are born deficient in this transmitter was my breakthrough moment. I discovered how to raise these levels with foods and supplements (brown rice, glutamine, L-theanine, green tea, GABA) and if under very severe due to very adverse events (like when my cat got slashed by some maniac) I use prescription tranquilisers as needed. This has been life-changing for me.

I hope you find a solution that works as well for you OP. For me motivation was the outer symptom, anxiety was the core problem.

Haha! Yes you just described me exactly! This is why I don't want to do freelance writing because I would stress myself out so much leaving stuff until the last possible moment.

A huge problem I have that is definitely aspie is that I cannot estimate time, i.e. I can't tell you how long something is going to take me - hours? days? weeks? 5 minutes? No idea at all. Even if it's something I've done before. Weird.

My psychologist explained executive function as being a secretary living in my frontal lobes which does all the organizing and she said "your secretary is drunk".

my "secretary" takes frequent unannounced breaks where she puts her cat behind the desk to answer all the phone calls and push all the buttons- of course the cat just sits there and licks itself and naps.

My secratery is on acid

This is an interesting topic. I typically do not struggle with motivation, when I am pursuing concrete goals (such as graduating from high school, graduating from college, etc.).

However, I have a heck of a time setting goals. And, when I have no goals, I feel like I drift aimlessly.

So, it was easier to set goals when I was younger. As my parent’s heavily influenced that process. Unfortunately, I have had a heck of a time setting new goals since that time. As such, I feel like I have drifted aimless for the past 20 years, with no clear direction.

my goal was just to make it to the next day, for 5+ decades.