I'm inhuman
Hi, for as long as I remember I knew I was different, early on I reached the conclusion that I was not human, that I was a genetic mutation. I explained this to psychiatrists at the time. I did not have an ASD diagnosis at that time, so for anyone who has had a discussion like that with a psychiatrist knows it really did not go down well.
I'm 43 and got diagnosed at 42. It explained a lot, the pieces have been gradually slotting into place over the last year. I had no idea that I was autistic before, I just kept being a genetic mutation, not quite human and continuously ending up talking to psychiatrists.
Has anyone else here reached the logical conclusion that they are not human?
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Was diagnosed with ASD in early 2015, it has been a journey since then, learned a lot and things are starting to make sense that didn't before
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 178 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 19 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Never had a conclusion that I'm a defective/superior/inferior/special/mutant, but I'M odd and I'm fine with that.
If anything, I'm painfully aware that I'm too human, so sometimes I WISH that INhuman instead.
Knowing more about autism didn't made it better or worse.
But what makes a 'human' anyway?
Is it the sensitive, compassionate, altruistic teamplayer with open weaknesses?
Or that needy, selfish, guile of a predator with a perfect face?
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Since I was young I've had the occasional sense that I wasn't actually human, but something else. Not better or worse than human, just alien in some way.
Since then I've reminded myself that when get medical care, the tests and x-rays, and everything looks normal. Blood is red, not green, etc. So I've begrudgingly accepted the evidence that I am a human but with a different kind of brain wiring.
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I swallowed a bug.
Is it the sensitive, compassionate, altruistic teamplayer with open weaknesses?
Or that needy, selfish, guile of a predator with a perfect face?
I'd say it's both, and that's what makes life interesting.
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Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
Thanks for the replies, I don't really know what makes a human but I've always seen such stark difference in how I perceive the environment and react to events than NTs do that I simply was of the conclusion that I was not human. Similar to being a goat in a herd of sheep.
Now that I'm learning about ASD I'm trying to reevaluate my conclusion.
The thing is though that I still feel like a goat in a herd of sheep and they keep asking: "why are you doing/saying that?" etc.
I don't mind being different I just want to make sense of it
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Was diagnosed with ASD in early 2015, it has been a journey since then, learned a lot and things are starting to make sense that didn't before
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 178 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 19 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
I used to wonder if I was an alien raised among humans. That was around the time that The X-Files had started being really popular. Then I wondered if I was an expression of Neandertal DNA around the time that stuff started being discovered. Now I know that I'm autistic and that helps me feel a lot better. There's nothing I can do about it and I will always be different from most other people, but at least I'm a human being with a diagnosed disorder. I'm not just some kind of inhuman freak.