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auntblabby
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07 Aug 2017, 8:41 pm

I know from experience why at least some of the homeless are homeless. we just don't know how to live in this world.



shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Aug 2017, 8:46 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I know from experience why at least some of the homeless are homeless. we just don't know how to live in this world.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

some things do not come naturally to some of us. especially minorities. the autistics. the mentally ill. and et ceteral.

yeah for the past nine months, gone to counseling. paid for by insurance. counselor told me the insurance pays for 3 more months of counseling.

but the way i see it, it's my weird, dysfunctional nature and the emotionally disturbing past :skull: versus :nerdy: her counseling.

and it's really hard to imagine that any amount of counseling could overpower the past and my dysfunctional nature.

counseling is just talking. counseling is necessary but grossly insufficient.

"a day late, a dollar short". that's what i tried to tell the previous counselor, but the previous. counselor had the nerve to brush me off. she squeaked "you're funny". okay, that was not :ninja: a joke. okay?

seriously she deserved to get fired or something.



auntblabby
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07 Aug 2017, 8:53 pm

the counselor is properly thought of as a useful tool to accomplish certain things.



shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Aug 2017, 9:17 pm

auntblabby wrote:
the counselor is properly thought of as a useful tool to accomplish certain things.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

yeah that's what i don't get though. when started therapy with the current counselor, she wrote down 2 goals for me. and submitted them to the insurance. one goal was to gorge less. (emotional overeating). the second goal was less anxiety at job interviews.

you can measure gorging. (calories). and you can measure anxiety. (blood pressure). (fine).

but not all other things are equal. (controlled experiment).

for example, maybe i started gorging less, b/c i started doing drugs instead.

and some interviewers were more anxiety provoking than others.

besides, the counselor can only interact with me, in that room, on a certain day, at a certain time. the counselor does not have the legal authority to assign 2000 community service hours to the skinny smart handsome cisgender neurotypical white Alpha Males that had the nerve to tell me it was "lying" for me to ask them to call me "he" instead of "she". that was in 2004 when i started Gender Therapy.

besides, those homophobic precious lil "people" have their own support groups too. anyways.

yeah it's not like in natural sciences and engineering.

do a controlled experiment. write down the steps. publish it in the database PubMed. get peer reviewed. anyone that follows your instructions gets the same result.

psychology just ain't like that

and that is one of numerous reasons why i feel totally ashamed of my worthless corpse for majoring in cognitive science instead of a STEM subject.

but hey whatever. that was ten years ago.

it's weird though. b/c i wanted to major in an STEM subject b/c i wanted to major in a subject related to jobs, that fit my autistic demeanor. so i majored in structural engineering. fourth undergrad year, flunked out.

ten years later. every day. every single day obsess over it.

seriously i am so emotionally fragile.

but whatever

it's weird though. my cousin (about 33 years old) got a BS in Aerospace Engineering from a similar school. and he's been unemployed or working at jobs that dos not require a degree altogether since then.

so whatever.

maybe if i were to have gotten a BS in structural engineering, then what?

maybe all the jobs that i applied to or could have applied to, plenty of cisgender heterosexual, neurotypical applicants also applied to.

one woman told me that they get a lot of job applications for every opening. and they just pick someone they are comfortable with and stick to it.

okay, what?

"comfortable"?

"you make people uncomfortable with the way you dress!" a homophobic precious lil "person" had the nerve to tell my worthless corpse. in 2006. over ten years ago.

likewise, i also make precious lil "people" uncomfortable with my autism symptoms. and just being weird and different from precious lil "most people" makes some precious lil "people" grossly uncomfortable around me.

seriously?

:roll:

:oops:

:evil:

:twisted:



auntblabby
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07 Aug 2017, 9:29 pm

I need to go to a different world.



shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Aug 2017, 9:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I need to go to a different world.

__________________________________________________________

about six months ago, at the bus stop, someone came screaming "go back to your country! i light yo ass on fire!" @ me. repeatedly for 5 minutes.

and then someone else answered "what country is that?".

and he responded "they don't want him there either."

precisely.

exactly.

if "they" don't want me in the current country and "they" don't want me in "your country", then which country am i to go to?



auntblabby
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07 Aug 2017, 10:30 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I need to go to a different world.

__________________________________________________________

about six months ago, at the bus stop, someone came screaming "go back to your country! i light yo ass on fire!" @ me. repeatedly for 5 minutes. and then someone else answered "what country is that?".and he responded "they don't want him there either." precisely. exactly. if "they" don't want me in the current country and "they" don't want me in "your country", then which country am i to go to?

the country that recognizes that those people are scum, and that if they get in your face you got nothing to lose by smashing it [THEIR face] with extreme prejudice. if you don't, then you might as well be dead.



shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Aug 2017, 8:23 pm

auntblabby wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I need to go to a different world.

__________________________________________________________

about six months ago, at the bus stop, someone came screaming "go back to your country! i light yo ass on fire!" @ me. repeatedly for 5 minutes. and then someone else answered "what country is that?".and he responded "they don't want him there either." precisely. exactly. if "they" don't want me in the current country and "they" don't want me in "your country", then which country am i to go to?

____________________________________________________________________________
the country that recognizes that those people are scum, and that if they get in your face you got nothing to lose by smashing it [THEIR face] with extreme prejudice. if you don't, then you might as well be dead.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

maybe the solar system does not contain a country that matches your description



RandomFox
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12 Aug 2017, 1:04 pm

What would help me?
Having a good solid support network of friends, living in close proximity.



shortfatbalduglyman
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12 Aug 2017, 2:55 pm

RandomFox wrote:
What would help me?
Having a good solid support network of friends, living in close proximity.

__________________________________________

For a long time, ShortFatbalduglyman has not had any precious lil "friends", living anywhere. Living or dead.

But the other thing is that former precious lil "friends" acted confidently entitled to do. Or say anything they wanted to me. And they acted like I had a moral obligation to passive aggressively tolerate anything they did or said. Legal or illegal. Without boundaries. Without restriction. Subject to imagination. While they had the nerve to successfully veto anything I did. Just b/c they did not like it.

As if I had no rights. Even employees have rights.

Those precious lil "friends" did not treat me the way they treated their real friends

Maybe BC I am so different from them

:cry:

:evil:



:twisted: :roll:



Britte
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13 Aug 2017, 12:02 am

A shadow of sorts, a couple days per week.



auntblabby
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13 Aug 2017, 12:23 am

either 50+ points more IQ [IOW vastly brighter] or total absence of addlements.



Britte
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13 Aug 2017, 12:36 am

Diminished emotional intensity.



auntblabby
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13 Aug 2017, 12:38 am

no aches and pains.



Edna3362
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13 Aug 2017, 1:53 am

Real adaptation skills, not just coping skills. I wanna master it since I figured it's 'base'. Except it's impossible to describe this.
It's like telling someone with sensory issues to take strong stimuli, without accommodations, and not being overwhelmed by it -- .. Which I actually did, kinda why I get the base of adaptation instead of clinging on coping and compromise. :|

Kinda how I figured as an autistic. Because I no longer focus on my senses. Because I don't focus on behavior. Because I don't only be aware what's at front of me and what I'm feeling. I wanna go beyond that.

Real social skills of not just knowing what to do or say -- it's the matter of when, how, why, etc. Those complex stuff, that is, really overwhelming when you get a gist of it. The very thing that NTs gets and draws from unconsciously. Real skills like negotiations, subtile reading, etc.
And more emotional intelligence. I have the affective empathy, yet I don't have the skill to act upon it. It's frustrating.
I don't want something superficial like scripting or acting, or counting your friends and how many times you contacted them. :roll: I don't want that kind of social skill where relationships is made to look like more of a chore or a competition. Or stuff that children usually learns in GMRC of being a 'good girl and bad girl' rigidity because the whole thing is damn misleading.


Maybe, losing my conscience a bit. And feel less guilt. It always held be back.

And absolutely NO constant sneezing, no clogged or dripping nose on daily basis or on unpredictable reasons. No more sinusitis, no more rhinitis. That would surely make my life several times better than it already is.


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