Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

aspieprincess123
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 16 Aug 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 460
Location: england

20 Aug 2020, 10:43 am

I feel horrible for even typing this but need to talk about it.

Has anyone here has or is in a relationship and they have felt jealous of there loved one in some way.

Don't get me wrong my partner deserves the success he has but I just feel like I should on paper be at the same level or higher bit not.

In context my partner does not have a degree and and as many qualifications besides what he needs in his field of work and he is a highly qualified and paid network engineer who earns after taxes near 3k a month.
His CV shows no time where he was unemployed and he has always worked and is able to cope with day to day life.

Me I have a degree I study a lot I consider myself very well educated but my job even though I have a degree is just a entry level data entry job I cannot seem to go any higher.
My wage after taxes is only 1.2k a month I feel like it's pitiful which it is.
My job history is full of me leaving jobs cause I got bored and there is gaps in my CV which may be helping my promotion prospects and I feel daily day to day stuff hard and boring.
I cannot manage money my parents used to manage my wages and bank accounts and hand out pocket money up until I moved out.
I struggle with managing workloads both at work and at home though it's easier at work but my partner finds it so easy it's a breeze for him.

I love him but there is on rare occasions where I feel jealous towards him and worse think that I deserve his success but I know I don't



FleaOfTheChill
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 309
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,941
Location: I'm stuck in the dryer

20 Aug 2020, 5:06 pm

I've been jealous of my SO. It wasn't work related, it was social related.

It's ridiculous too. I'm not as social, and I don't want to be as social as the SO. I'm happy for them and encourage them to go out and have fun. I know it's healthy in relationships to have outside friends and interests. most of the time I don't want that for myself though. I want to stay home when I have free time and not go be with people. I want my down time so I can relax, decompress, and/or take care of household tasks at my own pace. I also need it or I'd go nuts. But sometimes I get in a funk and I get jealous that they have these friends and out times I don't have.

I should clarify, the SO isn't some kind of jerk who leaves me alone all the time. :lol: the two of us go out either together, just the two of us, or hang with their friends.

I feel like a jerk when I do that, but still, I do it sometimes.



Jiheisho
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2020
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,507

20 Aug 2020, 6:31 pm

I am not in competition with my partner. Where I am is solely dependent on my choices and condition. I am also happy to celebrate my partner's success.

The thing that is important is the relationship I have with my partner, not her relationship with the outside world.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

25 Aug 2020, 11:42 am

Jiheisho wrote:
I am not in competition with my partner. Where I am is solely dependent on my choices and condition. I am also happy to celebrate my partner's success.
That's how I feel about others in general. I harbor no resentment towards others being more successful than me if they aren't a$$holes about it. I have a problem with others being successful when they abuse the system to achieve their so-called success like lying, cheating, stealing, or majorly screwing others over for example but otherwise I'm OK with others being successful. However I'm not gonna say I ever really feel jelly towards my partner but I do/did have some behaviors that could look like I'm jelly. I never had much of my own life when I'm in a romantic relationship. I love spending a lot of time with my partner & I'm also very protective of my partner. Both my ex girlfriends had much more of their own life than I had. I wanted them to have their own lives & own things going on if they got something out of it. But I had BAD anxiety & OCD that caused me to get thoughts stuck in my head that bad things were going on & caused me to have panic attacks worrying. Like I would freak out thinking something bad happened when they took longer to send me messages. The anxiety & OCD caused me to become very controlling & needy/clingy & I took things out on them. Things are a lot better in my current relationship cuz I got on anxiety & OCD medication when my 2nd relationship ended; I tried to learn/grow/mature from screwing that relationship up. It also helps that our relationship is not long distance & she doesn't have that much of a life either outside of visiting her family.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


aspieprincess123
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 16 Aug 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 460
Location: england

26 Aug 2020, 9:04 am

Don't get me wrong i have no problem with his success in fact I'm happy he's been successful I just don't understand why he's so successful and I'm not and I got better qualifications for example.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

26 Aug 2020, 7:54 pm

aspieprincess123 wrote:
Don't get me wrong i have no problem with his success in fact I'm happy he's been successful I just don't understand why he's so successful and I'm not and I got better qualifications for example.
I understand your confusion. Aspergers can affect different people in different ways & different extents. Also some people have better "luck" than others. It may be that your guy has better social skills & makes a better impression or maybe he had better connections for some reason. Some people just seem to get a raw deal in life compared to some others.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Other Julie
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 12

27 Aug 2020, 10:55 am

I'm not jealous of my husband, but long, long ago I had an ex boyfriend who I was extremely jealous of. He was everything I wanted to be and wasn't. He had a great personality and amazing social skills and everyone loved him. I struggled socially and a lot of people didn't like me. He was professionally successful and stuck with one job. I kept quitting jobs. He had a loving, accepting family that adored him. My family was dysfunctional and kind of abusive. He had a great social life. I was a hermit. You get the picture. The thing was, I didn't even know I was jealous of him until I sat down and tried to figure out why our relationship went to hell and why I was so awful to him and then I saw that it was jealousy at the root of most of it. Well, that and the pressure of always feeling I had to be more like him and try to fit in. I didn't resent his social and professional success. I admired him for it, but the jealousy I had and the longing to be the person he was was absolutely toxic.