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Marknis
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17 Jun 2019, 9:37 pm

I was pushed into adulthood only because I sat around and aged physically but mentally I was behind. I never learned any advanced social skills such as dating, I didn't have a career plan in mind (I was constantly told that God had a "plan for me" but that is bullshit), and I didn't have a solid friendship network. I am 30 now but I am still behind.



nick007
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18 Jun 2019, 7:17 am

I relate except I'm 36 & I haven't been told the God has a plan for me thing. I have other mental & physical disabilities besides Aspergers thou. My parents(especially my mom) pushed for me to be independent but that wasn't really in the cards. I'm more independent now that I've been living with my girlfriend but some of that is cuz of the area we live. I cant drive & my parents lived in a rural area with no public transportation & no stores or anything within a decent walking distance. It was also on a major highway with no sidewalks & steep ditches so it really wasn't safe for me to go walking for the sake of walking either which meant less exercise except when I was working.


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Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


funeralxempire
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06 Jul 2019, 2:14 am

I'm still not. I'm a 34 year old child and if anything I'm regressing. I'll be in diapers again before my parents at this rate.


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Aug 2019, 8:54 am

Marknis wrote:
I was pushed into adulthood only because I sat around and aged physically but mentally I was behind. I never learned any advanced social skills such as dating, I didn't have a career plan in mind (I was constantly told that God had a "plan for me" but that is bullshit), and I didn't have a solid friendship network. I am 30 now but I am still behind.


I am a believer myself but it sounds like the whole "God has a plan for you" sounds a bit like your parents made a cop-out. They were responsible for teaching you those things and instead, they focused on your disability. That said, it sounds like you are able-bodied and have to make a choice whether or not you are doing to make those improvements in your life.

There are sources out there for you
1. The Asperger Experts
2. Daniel Wendler
3. Becoming an Autism Success Story
4. The Unwritten Social Rules of Relationships



aspieprincess123
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09 Aug 2019, 10:43 am

I struggled been an adult and i'm 34 years old.

My parents never taught me how to do household tasks and when I worked they maintained my finances and I was given pocket money after my bills were paid again like a child.

I did learn to drive but again my petrol and other bills were maintained and I just kept on going.

Only changed when me and my partner decided to move in to a new house and my parents pushed for me to stay at home for as long as possible and just visit him as he was going for a house regardless.

My partner on the other hand was drilled as a child to adapt and mask his real father brutalised him for his aspie traits and he also at the time was put forward for conditioning to further hide his aspie traits. His mum also taught him to be as self sufficent as possible from a young a age as possible.

This made him very capable but where I embrace my aspie personality he acts very ashamed to be and even the slight trait he shows by accident he punishes himself for it.

I asked him if he wanted to have the conditioning he went though deprogrammed from him so he could be more aspie like but he refuses.



Fnord
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09 Aug 2019, 11:13 am

I was "kicked out" of my parents' house at the age of 18, started college a week later, and have been "adulting" ever since. It took me a long time to mature, but now I'm ready to retire, and my kids and my grandkids are all doing very well.

I can't ask for more than that.


:D


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Amity
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09 Aug 2019, 12:14 pm

I grew up too early, no choice, didn't have a safe environment.
If anyone taught me the basics for adulthood I dont remember it happening.
Growing up earlier doesn't mean that I was ready for adult life, bizarrely I was sheltered from the real world with a strict catholic upbringing.
Comparative to my own age group in general, I'm not at their level of competence, but when I look at my autistic peers I am just normal :) .



martianprincess
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10 Aug 2019, 8:19 pm

I'm still not ready. But I was pushed out at 18 right after I graduated from high school with no direction and no plan. I've been winging it ever since. I had a goal to finish college, which I did (although at a different rate than "normal"). I live life like people my age are supposed to do, but I hate most of the "adult" stuff I have to do. I think most adults feel this way about working and paying bills though, not just autistic ones. I feel like I just have more anxiety, panic, confusion, and existential crises than normal.


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nick007
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10 Aug 2019, 8:47 pm

This thread reminds me of the Dennis Leary song, Life's Gonna Suck When You Grow Up but I don't think growing up is this bad for most of us :arrow:



Quote:
"This is a special moment right now
We'd like to take this time to tell all the kids at home, send the parents out of the room, this is a kids' song."

Life's gonna suck when you grow up
When you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up
It sucks pretty bad right now

"Hey, if you know the words, sing along!"

You're gonna have to mow the lawn
Do the dishes, make your bed
You're gonna have to go to school
Until you're seventeen

"It's gonna seem about three times as long as that."

You might have to go to war
Shoot a gun, kill a nun
You might have to go to war
When you get out of school

"Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!"

You're gonna have to deal with stress
Deal with stress, deal with stress
You're gonna be a giant mess
When you get back from the war

Santa Claus does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny, funny, funny
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Life's gonna suck when you grow up
When you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up
It sucks pretty bad right now

You're gonna end up smoking crack
On you're back, face the fact
You're gonna end up hooked on smack
And then you're gonna die

And then you're gonna die


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But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


Marknis
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13 Aug 2019, 8:17 pm

Fnord wrote:
I was "kicked out" of my parents' house at the age of 18, started college a week later, and have been "adulting" ever since. It took me a long time to mature, but now I'm ready to retire, and my kids and my grandkids are all doing very well.

I can't ask for more than that.


:D


Extremely rude and condescending like you always are.



martianprincess
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13 Aug 2019, 8:20 pm

Marknis wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I was "kicked out" of my parents' house at the age of 18, started college a week later, and have been "adulting" ever since. It took me a long time to mature, but now I'm ready to retire, and my kids and my grandkids are all doing very well.

I can't ask for more than that.


:D


Extremely rude and condescending like you always are.


Can I ask how this comment was rude and condescending? I'm not saying it was or wasn't, I'm confused.


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The phone ping from a pillow fort in a corn maze
I don't have a horse in your war games
I don't even really like horses
I like wild orchids and neighbors with wide orbits


Marknis
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13 Aug 2019, 8:25 pm

martianprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I was "kicked out" of my parents' house at the age of 18, started college a week later, and have been "adulting" ever since. It took me a long time to mature, but now I'm ready to retire, and my kids and my grandkids are all doing very well.

I can't ask for more than that.


:D


Extremely rude and condescending like you always are.


Can I ask how this comment was rude and condescending? I'm not saying it was or wasn't, I'm confused.


He’s always boasting to me about his victories and he has also expressed contempt for me as well as has tried to get me banned.



Amity
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14 Aug 2019, 3:56 am

Amity wrote:
I grew up too early, no choice, didn't have a safe environment.
If anyone taught me the basics for adulthood I dont remember it happening.
Growing up earlier doesn't mean that I was ready for adult life, bizarrely I was sheltered from the real world with a strict catholic upbringing.
Comparative to my own age group in general, I'm not at their level of competence, but when I look at my autistic peers I am just normal :) .

Dear o dear, I'll have to guess that mine was rude and condescending too, as the sentiment was similar?

My reply was genuine as are the others due to the tone of this sub forum, but it seems that the purpose of the thread is to belittle the unliked responses, and have zero respect or time for the content of every other post... am I next to be targeted? What if I say something that you dont like Marknis?



kraftiekortie
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14 Aug 2019, 5:41 am

There’s a backstory between Fnord and Marknis.....

Your account, Amity, is not in the least bit “rude and condescending.” You have prevailed despite the odds.



Fnord
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14 Aug 2019, 8:48 am

martianprincess wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I was "kicked out" of my parents' house at the age of 18, started college a week later, and have been "adulting" ever since. It took me a long time to mature, but now I'm ready to retire, and my kids and my grandkids are all doing very well. I can't ask for more than that.
Extremely rude and condescending like you always are.
Can I ask how this comment was rude and condescending? ...
It wasn't. Leave it be.


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