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Summer_Twilight
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22 Sep 2019, 8:44 pm

A new neighbor moved upstairs back in February from another part of my city and we got to talking in which I told him I would like to move to another part of town that has more access to transit. At the moment, everything is way too expensive and I have a lot on my plate next to going through a lot.

He approached me today at a bad time and asked me out of the blue if I was selling my condo because his friend was looking for a place to buy. I said, "No I am not." Then he took it a step further and said "Well let me know when you are." I said, "I don't plan on it anytime soon," in which I was pretty irritated at that point and snapped at him. So I called the president of my homeowner's association and she told me that it's better for him to talk with her. When I got home tonight, I found a note on my door from him in which
1. I was rude to him
2. He reminded me in telling me that I was eventually looking at moving
3. I embarrassed him for contacting the president
4. I was keeping her from doing other important things
5. That everything from now on will be between him and me if I have a problem

He embarrassed me this morning by backing me in a corner and trying to make me feel responsible for his friend looking for a place to buy.



cberg
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22 Sep 2019, 8:53 pm

Meh, tell him you'll call the police if it's sufficiently annoying.


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Mountain Goat
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22 Sep 2019, 8:56 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
A new neighbor moved upstairs back in February from another part of my city and we got to talking in which I told him I would like to move to another part of town that has more access to transit. At the moment, everything is way too expensive and I have a lot on my plate next to going through a lot.

He approached me today at a bad time and asked me out of the blue if I was selling my condo because his friend was looking for a place to buy. I said, "No I am not." Then he took it a step further and said "Well let me know when you are." I said, "I don't plan on it anytime soon," in which I was pretty irritated at that point and snapped at him. So I called the president of my homeowner's association and she told me that it's better for him to talk with her. When I got home tonight, I found a note on my door from him in which
1. I was rude to him
2. He reminded me in telling me that I was eventually looking at moving
3. I embarrassed him for contacting the president
4. I was keeping her from doing other important things
5. That everything from now on will be between him and me if I have a problem

He embarrassed me this morning by backing me in a corner and trying to make me feel responsible for his friend looking for a place to buy.


Maybe at times like this it maybe helpful to tell him you are on the spectrum so he may understand when you are in a corner and react differently to how he expected. He may start to understand that you are not against him... Just have a difficult moment.


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Summer_Twilight
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22 Sep 2019, 9:10 pm

He knows I am autistic as I have told him that from day 1. I feel he is pushing the responsibility on me to make his friend happy by allowing him to underneath my upstairs neighbor.



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22 Sep 2019, 9:18 pm

Brain is not understanding... Is 0326am here... Need to read this again when recharged... :) I hope you don't mind.


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Sahn
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23 Sep 2019, 4:25 am

You missed an opportunity to enforce your boundaries by yourself (which is something that I think you are capable of doing.

Summer_Twilight wrote:
everything from now on will be between him and me if I have a problem

He doesn't get to dictate or restrict your options.



Summer_Twilight
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23 Sep 2019, 4:53 am

I did firmly tell him "No" when he came up and asked me if I was willing to sell my place. He responded with "Well let me know when you are." I was pretty mad at that point.

I contacted the president of the HOA about it and he wrote me a letter about "How rude I was to him" and that I broke confidence by bringing the issue to the president which he made me feel bad in the letter.

What are my next steps?



Sahn
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23 Sep 2019, 5:04 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I did firmly tell him "No" when he came up and asked me if I was willing to sell my place. He responded with "Well let me know when you are." I was pretty mad at that point.

I contacted the president of the HOA about it and he wrote me a letter about "How rude I was to him" and that I broke confidence by bringing the issue to the president which he made me feel bad in the letter.

What are my next steps?

I don't know! By the sound of things he hasn't been any trouble until now and that he was just making a friendly inquiry. What kind of vibe do you get from him?
If he's not a pest of some kind, I'd leave a note saying sorry and that I have been pestered by other neighbours in the past and realise that I may have overreacted.Maybe reiterate that the place is not for sale.
What do you think?



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23 Sep 2019, 5:06 am

You had me thinking about cans of worms.


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Sahn
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23 Sep 2019, 5:28 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
You had me thinking about cans of worms.

You can can worms, can you? Good idea!



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23 Sep 2019, 7:30 am

The man is a bully, attempting to intimidate you into (1) selling your condo to his friend and (2) keeping business between you two away from the Association President, who might hold him accountable for his shady way of doing business.

Bullies never like being exposed or being accountable to third parties -- it "embarrasses" them.

Just because you were thinking about maybe relocating someday does not mean that you are moving out now. This should be obvious to any reasonable person.

I suggest you show that note to the association president, and inform her that you have no plans for moving in the foreseeable future. Then tell her how much the guy creeps you out. At the very least, if he keeps harassing you, you will have a witness and a record of his aggression.


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Sahn
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23 Sep 2019, 8:15 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
4. I was keeping her from doing other important things

He's being manipulative. I think that Fnord has given you good advice.



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23 Sep 2019, 9:08 am

domineekee wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
4. I was keeping her from doing other important things
He's being manipulative. I think that Fnord has given you good advice.
Yes, it's the old "Guilt Trip" scheme to make someone feel guilty about "causing trouble" for someone else. Some people seem to have an instinctive skill at finding just the right issues to manipulate people with ASDs. He seems to be one of those.


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Sep 2019, 9:42 am

I thought it was strange that he would have to make a big deal about contacting the president of the HOA and for "Being rude to him." Luckily, I have a copy of the letter that I can send onto the property management about this because I am not comfortable with what he just did. I have lived in that condo for 10 years and I have never had anyone try to weasel me into selling a property without taking all the proper steps.

Again, I would love another to another area but it's not a good time to do so. However, several things would need to happen before I sold my property.
1. I am not just going to sell someone my property just because they need a place to live or to make their friend happy
2. I would go through a realtor and a legal attorney who I can trust
3. I would let the president of the HOA know that my condo is going up on the market
4. It would be listed online with Zulily and similar websites that people could look



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23 Sep 2019, 9:48 am

Good. You may want to give a photo-copy of that letter with the president, just in case.


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Sep 2019, 10:20 am

Hi:
I just got off the phone with her about that a few minutes ago and took a picture of the letter which I texted to her. It turns out that he serves on the HOA board and cannot be acting like that with owners of the property and even if we get into a conflict.