for my fellow WPers who feel [or ARE] old and struggling

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Feeling a bit despondent and not really bouncing back much. I fell a couple times getting onto my mobility scooter for a bathroom trip in the night, so I decided I really should switch to my power chair. But I hate that power chair! It bumps into my walls and furniture more than the scooter ever did. I gave up (for the time being, anyway) on my Noom diet. I'm not sure I can handle taking myself and my husband to the pool any more for warm water exercise. Husband's dementia is progressing, he was plateaued for quite a while but now is unable to handle most ordinary household tasks, leaving that for me to take on. (Housekeeper has a couple weeks off for surgery, but that's minor.) His physical condition continues to deteriorate, I've relied on him to load my scooter into the trunk but he has a lot of pain problems that are getting worse. As for transporting the powered chair, impossible - I drive a Honda Civic and it's way too big and too heavy. So I'm looking at changing to a wheelchair van, but those are really expensive.

It all seems too much sometimes. What concerns me is I feel beaten down. Not so much depressed, as discouraged.

Bea,
My problem-solving brain went into overdrive trying to think of solutions, but I want you to know I care. It must be very frustrating and upsetting to have so many stressors which seem to get worse over time.

I'm sorry it's been so difficult lately.

Awww, Isabella. You are truly sweet. I figured this thread was tailor-made for me... "old and struggling."

With chemo (physical) and ECT (mental), I basically got to age early Plus a genetic predisposition to bad joints (usually my hips that are the biggest issue, but my left knee does not like to stay in one position for too long). It’s an achievement if I can stand for the entire duration of a shower (I ended up getting a shower chair so I don’t have to either stand or get in and out of the bathtub) or not use walking assistance when taking the dog out. But at least I can make it to the bathroom without having to sit down because I start graying out halfway there like I did before the lymphoma was treated.

And then my autism and related stuff means I’m still essentially a child in other ways, so maybe it balances out. Yay?

Bea, I seem to recall you were in the armed forces of some sort? There are grants for veterans to get wheelchair vans.
https://www.unitedaccess.com/veteran-resources/

The other thing to look out for, if you can get an in with a hospice or assisted living facility. When one person can no longer use such as van, they may be interested in a quick and less expensive sale.

Finally, there are wheel chair lifts that can be mounted on the back of a car. You can strap the wheelchair onto the lift. That wouldn't work in snow or rain, unless you had a cover, but it is a less expensive way to get the wheelchair to wherever it is you need to go.

You also might consider a bedside commode instead of trying to get to the bathroom. Lots of downsides, I know. Just a thought.

Good luck.

Thank you, blazingstar. It's my husband, not I, who served. The grant program is for veterans with a 100% service related disability, which does not apply in our case. Nor should it, because those with greater need should come first.

I have looked at all the devices and options for wheelchair transport, and continue to do so. It's too big a decision, but I chip away at it. It reminds me of the overwhelming number of choices and decisions facing me when I retired.

Since I sleep in the living room, I'm not interested in a bedside commode! Not YET anyway. Thank you for sharing your ideas. I get the most support from my dementia caregivers support group, because those folks know the types of changes in family life that confront me. Just like autism forums understand some of the experiences I have related to autism.

Update: it's not always awful. Yesterday husband had a lot of shoulder pain, so I rubbed Voltaren gel into it for him, got a heating pad set up, gave him several naps, and he was feeling better by bedtime. This morning I flirted with him, told him he looked good, and made him pancakes with fresh strawberries. I'm actually using skills from my waitress jobs at age 16-21, to time the food to come out hot at the same time, bring multiple beverages in one trip, and offering him a coffee refill before he had the need to ask for it. And doing it all cheerfully. The cheerful part is important - it takes some of the bitter sting away that he's losing his smarts and his independence and can't reverse that. For helping him with his outlook, I use some of my past therapist skills.

^^^your hub is SO LUCKY he has YOU.