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Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 1:42 pm

I just signed something from mental health. It was for a guy who works with autism, I think, to talk to someone who works in group homes. She has talked me out of staying in a facility and group home but to keep my apartment and just get independent living support with groceries and things like that.

It scares me going to government funding mental health route because the way they act it's like they always are making plans for me, weather it's really in my best interest or not.

I can't help but notice that. Either that or it's more bullying or intimidation tactics.

I hate how I feel like I'm the only one dealing with this when everyone else going to them has an easy time. Well most people anyway but I get treated like s**t.

But I don't know what else to do because I'm not well physically and my mom's crazy so there is no point in staying with her. Want to keep my apartment is what I'm saying. But I just signed something that allows them to give info to group home coordinator so I'm worried about what type of info this might be.

Really hope I'm just being paranoid. But I think they hate me because sometimes it seems like I'm fighting against them, making them look bad or something because they seem too clinical and business like. But whatever. Sometimes I want to take the drugs. If anything I'm trying to work with them.



Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 2:11 pm

Man I'm tired of worrying about things. I worry too much. Maybe this world just wasn't meant for me. Sometimes it feels that way.

Someone please calm me down. I deal with so much s**t from people.



Mountain Goat
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09 Jun 2022, 2:17 pm

Do not worry.



Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 2:36 pm

You think there is something after all this? A place of refuge?



Mountain Goat
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09 Jun 2022, 2:46 pm

I don't know. You will have to ask them I guess?



klanka
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09 Jun 2022, 2:51 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
You think there is something after all this? A place of refuge?


I've seen loads of evidence there is



Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 3:06 pm

LOL okay thanks. I do think there is somewhere beyond this realm we go to when we die. It's full of love and light and forgiveness. Perhaps even the concept of time is different and you even feel time its self as a kind of divine love. But if you're a jerk you don't get to stay there long and they boot you back down here to fix your mistakes. Karma in other words. Some Christians actually believe in reincarnation. It's hard to put into words and words don't do it justice. It's more like a feeling. I think I've said this before and I'm saying it again because this experience I had was quite something. And it was not psychedelic it happened on it's own. But that was a while ago and it's left me. So I'm left struggling to survive a dangerous world. Regardless of what people believe be it religion or atheist, we all have to die. So some people are jerks and do whatever they want to survive including hurting others. Thinking all the while, oh the divine will forgive me, or there is nothing afterwards so why should I care. Idk. It seems like stuff matters even when we think it doesn't.

But while here with PTSD I am struggling to move past this emotional trauma I've been clinging to. I have created bad karma for myself. I'm afraid to let go. Because when I have before something bad would happen and I wasn't ready so it hurt me bad.

Yes it's down here that I struggle.

I had too much coffee today.



Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 3:11 pm

A native American told me I've read way to much into spirituality and the occult and it has me pretty screwed up.

I'm trying to focus on reality so I don't get too flighty. It's just I've come back down to earth to realize my reality really sucks.

I wonder why there is so much Christianity on this website and not other religions.



klanka
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09 Jun 2022, 3:16 pm

The biggest evidence I would say is joining a home prayer group affiliated with a church, then after prayer encouraging messages are usually received from God.
It only has happened to me in a prayer group affiliated with a pentecostal church though. Not sure why exactly.



I agree with most of what you say...except reincarnation. I use anti-depressants to deal with PTSD , hopefully I will receive some kind of healing that makes them obsolete.

I've also had the problem of hoping everything is going to be ok and then something else terrible happens...i had a thread about it called 'ever feel life is a cosmic joke' :)

I'm only doing one religious activity that I dont want to do...giving money to Christian preachers...I'm doing an experiment where I stop giving them money to see if that will stop this run of insane bad luck.

Regarding the occult:
I read about astrology all the time, it doesnt affect me because I dont feel guilty about it.



Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 4:49 pm

I have a theory that this bad luck may somehow be linked to negative thinking. When you start to worry and dwell it's as if bad things gravitate towards you. It's just a matter of getting ones mind in the right place. Hard for me for some reason.

Some people it doesn't matter what they look like or how their health is or life situation. They are just better at this life thing than me. They make it look so easy! 8O



kitesandtrainsandcats
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09 Jun 2022, 6:20 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
I wonder why there is so much Christianity on this website and not other religions.


I do not know why but will say it could be perhaps a swing of the proverbial pendulum since several years back there was a loud, militant, and aggressive, contingent of anti-christian members who would do things like dive in to conversations between Christian members about specifics of being Christian and autistic and tell the Christian members how stupid they were for being Christians. There was one dude from Finland who was notably aggressive about that; he seems to be gone now.

Something which brings those years to mind is the ongoing thing with the number of males who dive in to conversations in Womens' Discussion in the Age and Gender section.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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09 Jun 2022, 6:28 pm

klanka wrote:
I'm only doing one religious activity that I dont want to do...giving money to Christian preachers...I'm doing an experiment where I stop giving them money to see if that will stop this run of insane bad luck.

Regarding the occult:
I read about astrology all the time, it doesnt affect me because I dont feel guilty about it.


Probably not the encouragement you are looking for, I'm going to say that ain't the way it works.
On either the money or the astrology.

If a person truly is moving closer to Christ in this world it is often found that dis-incentives to do so begin to be thrown in to their life by a power in this world who is vehemently opposed to people moving that direction.

Any use of the occult is pretty much signing a permission slip for that opposing power to enter your life and times and being, so, yes, it does affect you and your life.


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Sarahsmith
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09 Jun 2022, 8:59 pm

Yes the occult. I've been trying to ignore what it did to me. It made things weird and I'm not a skilled wiccan. So I shouldn't have been foolishly messing with that.

I might go to a proper spiritualist and or wiccan to help set things right. I awakened to some things I couldn't handle.

I have visions and some come true and some turn out to be BS. I have telepathic abilities, not as powerful as some but they are just there. And I find it overwhelming because I don't think my psychiatrist will get that. And I don't either these visions can be beautiful, or disturbing.



klanka
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09 Jun 2022, 10:51 pm

I think being too hard on yourself gives the permission to the devil to harass you. Hence my experiment.



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14 Jun 2022, 3:54 pm

It's good there are programs that seem to want to try & help you even if you don't like or agree with the kind of help they're offering. I'm very used to getting the runaround with things. Either I don't have the right official diagnoses or I'm not disabled enough in one specific area to qualify for whatever help I was referred to. They waist my time doing a bunch of paperwork & then basically tell me that I'm $hit out of luck. They really should focus on trying to provide actual help instead of paying employees to find loopholes to avoid helping everybody.


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14 Jun 2022, 8:32 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
Maybe this world just wasn't meant for me. Sometimes it feels that way.

Someone please calm me down. I deal with so much s**t from people.

That is why this site is named "wrong planet".


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