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Pinky_Kitty
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 21 Apr 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 4

18 Feb 2024, 7:51 am

Hi, I am in a situation where I am having trouble coming to an appropriate decision.
My mum is particularly nasty and has narcissistic tendencies. I feel that her negative behaviours and her predisposition to make situations about her seem more apparent as time goes on, since she bought us the property. She was very difficult to be around when I lived with her and it was detrimental to my wellbeing, but at the moment I definitely feel happier when I haven’t had much contact with her for a while.
My mum owns the property I live in. I didn’t want her to buy my sister and I a property but she insisted and often complains about sacrificing money for the property, saying that she could have kept it herself, she wants the money back, most parents don’t do this for their kids and that her mum didn’t help her get a property and blew her money instead. She will not sell until she feels she will get a good deal on the property. I am lost about what to do. I want to go no-contact with my mum. I don’t necessarily have the means to save to purchase my own property yet since a lot of money has been going towards her and the property. I find that being around her tends to be unpleasant and she often invalidates my struggles and makes it about herself.
I feel that I need to be prepared to not receive any money after the property is sold anyway because my mum as the owner gets to decide where the money goes, so I don’t want to be in contact with her for the money as it’s not my priority, I just know that there is going to have to be interaction as a renter and I don’t want things to get awkward or tense. Also, renting elsewhere may not be feasible if rent could increase at anytime to the point where it’s almost impossible to pay, especially as I wouldn’t be living with other people. I think that I could save for a deposit, but it would take a while and I don’t want to be abused for much longer.



Comet Zed
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2023
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 871
Location: Yugambeh Country

23 Feb 2024, 7:32 am

I have been no contact with a parent for over 10 years now, no regrets. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, I could never have a discussion about any of my issues without it quickly being turned into "that's nice, now shut up and listen to me spout about my much more important issues, followed by all the awesome things I've said to my friends lately." Add to that constantly being lied to, being avoided and having my achievements used to prop up their own sh!tty ego with their friends while getting no acknowledgement whatsoever. One of my siblings ended up getting threatened with serious physical violence by this parent, which was overheard by their 7 year old daughters. That was the clincher for both of us. Neither of us have spoken to them since, and my life has been much more stable. I'm not trying to ingratiate myself to an uncaring, selfish, empty shell of a human being who will never care anymore.

But it was not easy at the time and it's not something you should do lightly. Think very carefully about whether that is what you really want because to do it properly you have to stick to it.

If they are truly narcissistic you will be hoovered and the flying monkeys will come out to try and drag you back. Having a plan to handle these situations is a good idea.

If you do go no contact and then have to go back for housing good luck to you...


_________________
uh-huh wooo yeah


Bestiola
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 22 Aug 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 87

29 Feb 2024, 6:34 am

Pinky_Kitty wrote:
Hi, I am in a situation where I am having trouble coming to an appropriate decision.
My mum is particularly nasty and has narcissistic tendencies. I feel that her negative behaviours and her predisposition to make situations about her seem more apparent as time goes on, since she bought us the property. She was very difficult to be around when I lived with her and it was detrimental to my wellbeing, but at the moment I definitely feel happier when I haven’t had much contact with her for a while.
My mum owns the property I live in. I didn’t want her to buy my sister and I a property but she insisted and often complains about sacrificing money for the property, saying that she could have kept it herself, she wants the money back, most parents don’t do this for their kids and that her mum didn’t help her get a property and blew her money instead. She will not sell until she feels she will get a good deal on the property. I am lost about what to do. I want to go no-contact with my mum. I don’t necessarily have the means to save to purchase my own property yet since a lot of money has been going towards her and the property. I find that being around her tends to be unpleasant and she often invalidates my struggles and makes it about herself.
I feel that I need to be prepared to not receive any money after the property is sold anyway because my mum as the owner gets to decide where the money goes, so I don’t want to be in contact with her for the money as it’s not my priority, I just know that there is going to have to be interaction as a renter and I don’t want things to get awkward or tense. Also, renting elsewhere may not be feasible if rent could increase at anytime to the point where it’s almost impossible to pay, especially as I wouldn’t be living with other people. I think that I could save for a deposit, but it would take a while and I don’t want to be abused for much longer.


If someone is toxic, I think it's best, if possible, to get away from them, doesn't matter who they are, relative or not. I hope you'll manage to find the way.