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microprogrammer
Blue Jay
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26 May 2024, 6:56 pm

I'm also sorry if I sounded judgemental or offensive. I'm not meaning to judge anyone based on any style or interest or background or anything like that. I think it would be very cool to build hotrods. Maybe I could get my grandpa to teach me some things about it before he dies. I used to help him work on them in the garage as a kid. And if some guys are tough guys, that's totally fine, it's their choice. As long as I can keep doing the things I love to do, that's really all I care about. It would be nice if this anxiety would lessen, but I guess that will happen in time.



IsabellaLinton
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26 May 2024, 8:11 pm

My goodness microprogrammer. :cry: I kept seeing this thread title and for some reason hadn't read any of it until now. I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such buffoons, regardless of their age. That must be extremely worrisome for you, and yet you express yourself with such grace, humility, and patience. You seem like such a very thoughtful and caring person so I'm embarrassed on behalf of anyone who would treat you as anything less.

I don't know what to suggest, beyond what's already been said. I wish you could move but I admire your resolve to try to stay and demonstrate more maturity than they could ever hope to have. Does it help to know you aren't alone and you have friends here who get it?

I remember you had a cat or cats so I consider you a kindred spirit (lol) and I'd be happy to get to know you better as a fellow autistic and cat lover, despite the fact I know nothing about programming whether micro or macro. I also worry about the impression I make on my neighbours because I don't even pursue smiles or small talk. I'm too anxious and shy to step outside alone unless it's dark. I tip my hat to you for trying as much as you have, by reading on your porch, and by enduring situations which I'd find worse than hell.

Just a thought but if psychologists aren't covered, did you look for Social Workers or psychotherapists?

Also - What do you like to read?


Hang in there.
Isa


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Jakki
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26 May 2024, 8:24 pm

microprogrammer wrote:
I'm also sorry if I sounded judgemental or offensive. I'm not meaning to judge anyone based on any style or interest or background or anything like that. I think it would be very cool to build hotrods. Maybe I could get my grandpa to teach me some things about it before he dies. I used to help him work on them in the garage as a kid. And if some guys are tough guys, that's totally fine, it's their choice. As long as I can keep doing the things I love to do, that's really all I care about. It would be nice if this anxiety would lessen, but I guess that will happen in time.



You were not offensive in the least , and you have/ had very legitamite concerns, When the future is unsure .
And a Aspie as well ..More Neural Connections in your body/ brain to get Nervous. :D .
Pursue your own interests , and try to enjoy whatever you pursue ...
You sound almost as if you. could have some advanced adaptation skills....talking about your Grandpa.And learning stuff. Maybe get a new interest or just soak up ,some more knowledge from Grandpa.
And wish to echo Issys opinion about maturity ...judging by your writing .


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microprogrammer
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26 May 2024, 9:58 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
My goodness microprogrammer. :cry: I kept seeing this thread title and for some reason hadn't read any of it until now. I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such buffoons, regardless of their age. That must be extremely worrisome for you, and yet you express yourself with such grace, humility, and patience. You seem like such a very thoughtful and caring person so I'm embarrassed on behalf of anyone who would treat you as anything less.

I don't know what to suggest, beyond what's already been said. I wish you could move but I admire your resolve to try to stay and demonstrate more maturity than they could ever hope to have. Does it help to know you aren't alone and you have friends here who get it?

I remember you had a cat or cats so I consider you a kindred spirit (lol) and I'd be happy to get to know you better as a fellow autistic and cat lover, despite the fact I know nothing about programming whether micro or macro. I also worry about the impression I make on my neighbours because I don't even pursue smiles or small talk. I'm too anxious and shy to step outside alone unless it's dark. I tip my hat to you for trying as much as you have, by reading on your porch, and by enduring situations which I'd find worse than hell.

Just a thought but if psychologists aren't covered, did you look for Social Workers or psychotherapists?

Also - What do you like to read?

Thank you, that is very kind of you to say :) :oops:

Honestly they are really going crazy out there tonight. Slamming things around and opening and closing their car doors. Maybe they're trying to get me to leave but I can't really go anywhere else. Except a hotel, and that's expensive, and I'd be leaving my cats.

I think there's just a mother and a few sons in their house, and the mother was out there yelling and egging them on. I don't know what I've done to make them hate me so much. When I first moved in here I was very stressed, and I probably looked pretty out of sorts. Maybe that made me look extra unfriendly, and also a bit more timid maybe? But now that I see that the mother is encouraging them, it seems to make a little bit more sense to me how they are so bold. And with her support, I don't have much hope that they'll stop either.

At this point, I am honestly now ready to move. It would just take some hard work to find a new place (not in a bad neighborhood), and pack again :cry:

I am kind of at a loss about what I should do honestly. I guess just take things one step at a time. I'm hesitant to reach out to my family, because they are honestly pretty dysfunctional and generally not helpful. I'm not trying to complain, but that's the sad truth of it. My mother is about as mean as my neighbors are these days, and makes fun of me in ways that don't seem right for a mother to make fun of her child. But not to dwell on that.

I do have a couple cats, and thank you, I'd be happy to get to know you better too as a kindred spirit :) I started trying to be a little more friendly with my neighbors, aiming to do so in a way that seems mature and normal and respectful of boundaries, because I have had a couple other neighbors give me a hard time in the past few years, though not to this degree. I was hoping I could put them at ease, or make allies among the other neighbors maybe. In previous years I would not make any real effort to interact with my neighbors and would try to come and go quickly and not be noticed much. I think if I didn't have hostile neighbors, going out and reading a bit would help me slowly feel less shy, so I will probably try that again in future places too. But honestly it has felt excruciatingly awkward at times.

I actually realized that my work provides a very minimal insurance plan, but gives us a little money with each paycheck in an account to put towards health-related things. So I bet I could use that to pay I psychologist. I'll try and see if that is possible.

I honestly like to read just about anything. Right now I'm getting close to finishing Seveneves by Neal Stephenson, and am really enjoying it. I've also been reading some history lately, and find it somehow calming to read. I also really love Henning Mankell's Wallander books, and have been saving the last couple in that series. I read a lot of math / science / technology stuff too. I'm honestly staring at a book or a screen most of the time 8O but it seems to work okay for me. I like to take walks and have been trying to learn to cook too.

Sorry, I ended up typing quite a lot, but am getting a bit worn out tonight to edit it down further. It's been quite a day 8O And thank you for your kind response



Last edited by microprogrammer on 26 May 2024, 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

microprogrammer
Blue Jay
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26 May 2024, 10:08 pm

Jakki wrote:
You were not offensive in the least , and you have/ had very legitamite concerns, When the future is unsure .
And a Aspie as well ..More Neural Connections in your body/ brain to get Nervous. :D .
Pursue your own interests , and try to enjoy whatever you pursue ...
You sound almost as if you. could have some advanced adaptation skills....talking about your Grandpa.And learning stuff. Maybe get a new interest or just soak up ,some more knowledge from Grandpa.
And wish to echo Issys opinion about maturity ...judging by your writing .

Thank you :) My grandpa is very smart, and honestly pretty eccentric too. Though he's also good with people. He taught himself how to work on cars as a young man and is very good at it. I definitely believe you about the aspie body / brain having more connections to get nervous too. That really seems like how it is for me, compared to how it seems for other people I've known. I will definitely find some interests to get into and enjoy, and will try to focus on that, thank you.



microprogrammer
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27 May 2024, 9:36 am

But I somehow managed to get a decent night's sleep in spite of all the carrying on. And I am just going to keep ignoring them, until I can move. It is annoying but I think it will be okay. I think might change my strategy with them and actually just show my face to them as little as possible. They seem to have been responding to what I do a lot, so maybe them not seeing me will give them less to respond to.

To be honest I now feel sorry for those people feeling the need to act that way. Maybe they have anxiety and don't know how to handle it. They have definitely been pretty threatening towards me, but I feel that most likely they will not inflict any actual violence on me. Hopefully. Probably not.

And though my grandpa is very naturally smart and has always treated me well, he also hangs out with criminals in a very bad part of town 8O So it's kind of amazing he's still alive and "running around" like he does at 85 (!). But he is also a smooth talker and a good liar, and he also carries a gun with him... I guess he like the thrill of his "lifestyle". Ex-marine actually. But he's always treated me well, in spite of my being quieter and more inclined toward mechanical or bookish things. He taught me that you can learn anything if you try and to work hard and not give up. Though I'm definitely not as tough as he is.



microprogrammer
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27 May 2024, 12:59 pm

Actually, I doubt there will be any violence involved. They are out there today and seem quite triumphant and pleased with themselves. I guess they feel satisfied they've taught me a lesson and punished me for whatever "terrible thing" I've apparently done to them. I'm honestly surprised that they aren't ashamed of themselves for causing such an extreme scene over things that seem so small, to me at least. But I guess there's a whole lot I don't understand. Different strokes for different folks. At one point last they were out front with a weed-eater, in total darkness, laughing and having a good old time. Passive-aggressive weed-eating, that's totally a new one on me :lol: Oh well, hope they managed to cut straight lines...

I think in the situation I'm in a lot of people would feel the need to "return the favor" to them. But I honestly am willing to let them have their victory, because I just want to live in peace. If I can peacefully enjoy doing the things that I love to do, that works fine for me. I will be "assertive" and keep doing things that I do, even if that inconveniences them slightly because they can faintly hear me typing on my keyboard or my TV or if I bang some dishes together by accident, or whatever. I think that's all very normal and isn't really hurting anyone at all. And if they don't like it, well I can't control that.



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27 May 2024, 1:02 pm

How far away are they from you?

It sounds to me like they're all on drugs.
Are you sure it's not a crack house or something?


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microprogrammer
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27 May 2024, 6:24 pm

I deleted a whole bunch of rambling posts I wrote when having a very ADHD morning this morning.

The gist of it is that I'm just going to ignore them and take the high road, and try to be a good neighbor to everyone. I surely still have some growing up to do of my own in various ways, and I want to do that. This situation is forcing me to learn how to deal with new things. Thanks again Jakki and IsabellaLinton for the helpful suggestions. Talking on here was extremely helpful and helped me feel less alone, in a time when I am actually quite alone.



Last edited by microprogrammer on 27 May 2024, 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 May 2024, 6:29 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
How far away are they from you?

It sounds to me like they're all on drugs.
Are you sure it's not a crack house or something?

They live across the street but park in front of my house sometimes. I think it's possible they're on drugs, but I'm not sure honestly.



microprogrammer
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27 May 2024, 6:35 pm

And what kinds of books do you like, IsabellaLinton?

I actually clicked on your username and saw your profile, that lists some genres. I have read some literature, but not a whole lot. I enjoy some philosophy too.



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28 May 2024, 6:24 am

microprogrammer wrote:
And what kinds of books do you like, IsabellaLinton?

I actually clicked on your username and saw your profile, that lists some genres. I have read some literature, but not a whole lot. I enjoy some philosophy too.



The Brontës, Thomas Hardy, Wilkie Collins, Margaret Oliphant, Elizabeth Gaskell, WM Thackeray, Oscar Wilde, Theodore Dreiser, Henry James, Iris Murdoch, Émile Zola, Goethe, Schiller, the Romantic poets.

Philosophy esp. Kant, Plato, Midgley

19th Century Literary Criticism and History

I also adore Judy Blume, EB White, AA Milne, and CS Lewis.


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blitzkrieg
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28 May 2024, 6:53 am

Neighbourhood relations can be awkward for many people, but nasty neighbours are a whole other issue. I am sorry to hear you are enduring some stress in this regard, microprogrammer.



microprogrammer
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28 May 2024, 12:21 pm

Thanks blitzkrieg. It is definitely unpleasant to be the target of such hostility and humiliation. It would be easier to brush off I'd imagine if I had a good friend or two in the area, or if I had a family. But I can endure it patiently. Things will eventually get better.



microprogrammer
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28 May 2024, 12:30 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
microprogrammer wrote:
And what kinds of books do you like, IsabellaLinton?

I actually clicked on your username and saw your profile, that lists some genres. I have read some literature, but not a whole lot. I enjoy some philosophy too.



The Brontës, Thomas Hardy, Wilkie Collins, Margaret Oliphant, Elizabeth Gaskell, WM Thackeray, Oscar Wilde, Theodore Dreiser, Henry James, Iris Murdoch, Émile Zola, Goethe, Schiller, the Romantic poets.

Philosophy esp. Kant, Plato, Midgley

19th Century Literary Criticism and History

I also adore Judy Blume, EB White, AA Milne, and CS Lewis.


I know and have read a few of those. I will definitely look into some of the others too. I'm always happy to be exposed to knew authors.

Philosophy, in particular that of Plato, has come up in my previous studies in mathematics. When you start asking what math actually is, you start running into some very deep philosophical questions. And oddly Plato seems to have come up with the answer that most people naturally choose even today.

Platonism is actually one of the themes of Neal Stephenson's Anathem, which is probably my favorite book now.

Have you ever formally studied English, or is it something you've taken on independently? I had some friends who were into literature back when I was a music major, long ago. I really liked the way they broke down and analyzed writing from different perspectives. I was very inspired by hearing about how they approached those things.

I know that 19th century Britain was also a very fruitful time and place for science as well, especially the theory of electricity and magnetism. A lot of discoveries were made then that led to this situation where we can communicate across the world on these fancy computers and phones. A few favorite figures of mine are James Clerk Maxwell and Oliver Heaviside.

I was at the bookstore recently and picked up a collection of J.R.R. Tolkien's letters -- not sure if it's new or just reissued -- but browsing through it I saw a lot of first-hand descriptions of C.S. Lewis and his doings. It might be an interesting source to learn more about him as a person.

Apologies if my response comes across as a smattering of this and that. That's a bit how my mind is working right now.



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28 May 2024, 12:35 pm

microprogrammer wrote:
Thanks blitzkrieg. It is definitely unpleasant to be the target of such hostility and humiliation. It would be easier to brush off I'd imagine if I had a good friend or two in the area, or if I had a family. But I can endure it patiently. Things will eventually get better.


I do hope things get better for you.

Fingers crossed for you buddy.